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Chapter 15 (Ricardo)
I don't like what happened at Jackson's fight tonight.
Granted, he won. Which of course, I knew he would—despite the fact that his opponent was at least 3 inches taller and about 45lbs heavier than him.
But what really put me on edge? Was that he was hit not once, but twice in the cage tonight. And the last hit almost knocked the wind out of him.
He's losing focus...and he can't afford to do that. Especially if he's going to be hanging around Alyssa.
On the bright side...at least he made it clear that she was never allowed to come down to the club.
That's one potential problem eliminated...for now.
But either way, I need to have another talk with him.
I know he's supposed to be going out with Alyssa tonight...but I don't have a good feeling about it.
Therefore, I'm going to do something I've never done before.
I'm going to forbid him to go out with her.
He's not going to be happy about it...but it's the only way to keep the both of them safe.
The two lovebirds can have a cozy night in at home.
I make my way over to the fighter's dressing room.
I'm about to walk in but the sound of Lou-Lou's voice stops me in my tracks.
"I've never had a guy look at me the way you look at her," she says. "I've never had someone defend me the way that you defend her. Or protect me, or care about me. I've never had someone in my corner...not once. I mean, why the hell do you think I'm like this in the first place?"
Her statement causes my chest to cave in and makes it hard to breathe. I would have done anything for her. How could she not realize that?
I might not have defended her the way she wanted me to due to our circumstances...but I've always protected her.
Not only did I blow up my DeLuca's house for her...but I killed for her. Not that she knows I killed Luke...but still.
And God knows...I cared about her.
Hell, I still do.
The fact that she can't even register all that...can only mean one thing.
She never will.
No matter how many bombs I set off, no matter how many people I murder for her, no matter how much of myself I offer up to her on a silver platter...her perception will always be warped.
Because I didn't fix her like I told her I would.
Because my love wasn't enough to fix her.
I gave her my entire heart and soul...loved her with every single part of me— and it still wasn't good enough.
He pushes past her. "I'm sorry about that, Lou-Lou. I really am. But, it still doesn't make it right."
"I know, Jackson. Trust me, I know. That's why I came to apologize."
It's a strange feeling to be so enraged with someone...yet find yourself feeling proud of them for apologizing and taking responsibility for their actions.
The pendulum that my hearts hanging from begins to swing to the other side...but her words from a moment ago blast through my head like a ca
"I can't forgive you," he says. "I'm not saying that I'll never forgive you...just not this second."
She lifts her chin and our eyes co
It's at this moment...I know we're truly done. I feel it.
"Okay. I can understand that." She looks down. "It's more than Ricardo's willing to give me."
The icy death grip on my heart tightens and my fingers dig into my palms until I feel them start to bleed. I would have been willing to give her everything.
I'm so infuriated, I have to walk away. The situation with Jackson can wait until I've calmed down.
I need to get away from her. I can't even stand to be under the same roof as she is right now.
I'm tired of fighting with her.
I'm tired of not being enough.
And I'm so fucking tired of her hurting me.
I grit my teeth as I watch Jackson walk up the stairs with a bouquet of roses in his hand.
Casanova's pulling out all the stops tonight.
Damn. I never got the chance to tell him that I don't want him going out.
I feel like an asshole...but then I remind myself of my reasons for being an asshole.
Someone has to look out for them. And that someone is me.
And just because Alyssa's videos are down, it doesn't mean people won't recognize her. And if they give her any shit— which of course they will because people suck— Jackson will beat the crap out of them, or worse.
He's got one hell of a hero complex and combined with his insane rage...that's just asking for trouble.
But, since I'm not a total asshole...I grab a vase for him.
I'd be willing to bet anything he doesn't have one of these laying around.
Hell, I didn't either. Not until I bought a shitload of them for Lou-Lou's birthday that night.
I walk out to the hallway and can't help but look in the direction of her door.
Like a magnetic pull, I find myself standing directly in front of it a minute later.
I want to use my key, but considering how things are between us, I know I don't have that privilege anymore.
Before I can stop myself, I knock a few times, but as usual...she doesn't answer.
"It's me," I say, feeling like an idiot for talking to a door. "I just came by to say— " I stop because I don't know what I came by to say. I shouldn't even be here.
I turn to walk away, but before I do, I find myself uttering, "I just want you to know, your safe spot is always open for you, Lou-Lou."
When there's no response...my concern outweighs my ma
I search the bedroom, the living room, the kitchen, and finally the bathroom.
She's obviously out for the evening.
Cursing under my breath I take my phone out and text her.
Ricardo: I'm in your apartment. Where are you?
When she doesn't answer, I fight the urge to throw my phone against the wall. Instead, I dial Emilio's number. I don't even wait for him to say hello before I start right in. "Where is she?"
He grunts. "Is this go
I ignore him. "She's not in her apartment. It's past 10 at night. I just want to know that she's okay."
"She's fine," he says. "I'm watching her right now. I knew it was only a matter of time before you'd call."
"Watching her? Where?"
He lights a cigarette. "She's at a club."
Out of all the things I expected him to tell me, this didn't even make the top 5 on my list. "What?"
"She called DeLuca earlier and asked if she could have a night out. He agreed but only if I went with her to keep an eye on her."
"That's strange," I say, because nothing about this sounds right.
Unless... "Is she using?"
He pauses for a moment too long before saying. "I haven't seen her shoot up tonight if that's what you're asking."
"Well, has she gone to the bathroom? Gone outside? Danced with anyone?"
He sighs. "She went to the bathroom once. She hasn't gone outside. And she danced with maybe two guys but neither of them looked like drug dealers and I didn't see them slip her anything."
"What club is she at?" I growl, because it's obvious that Emilio doesn't give a fuck about keeping her safe with the shitty job he's doing.