Blame it on the shame Part 2

Chapter 11 (Ricardo)

I'm pacing the apartment calling Lou-Lou's phone every two seconds.

I'm reeling over the fact that she left a note about being at the library on my pillow...especially since she failed to realize it doesn't even open for another hour.

In other words, she fucking lied to me.

I call her phone again, I don't care if DeLuca's tracking it. I need to know that she's safe.

I also need to know what the hell is going on. With no other options left, I take out my burner and call Emilio.

"Yeah," he answers.

I cut right to the chase. "Where is she?"

He sighs and lights a cigarette—which is never a good thing. "Look, why don't we meet up somewhere? Maybe have some coffee. You know, sit and talk for a little."

I have to laugh to keep myself from lunging through the phone and tearing him apart. "Fucking spit it out, Emilio. Or I swear to God, I will hop on a plane, go to Italy, and shoot the motherfucker right between the eyeballs. Where is she?"

"Jesus," he mutters. "Fine. There's no easy way to say this, but she was with him."

"What?" I growl. "That makes no sense. He's not back from Italy yet and she would have told me."

He curses under his breath. "He flew in this morning to see her."

"You're lying. She would have told—"

"I wish I was, Ricardo."

I slam the wall with my hand. "What did he want?"

"I don't know. The visit was short. Maybe 15-minutes tops."

Lead fills my stomach, I can't believe she would see him without telling me.

"Look," Emilio begins. "I'm not trying to be the asshole who says 'I told you so' but I did, Ricardo. I told you not to trust anyone. I don't know what kind of shit's she's trying to pull, but it's obvious she sunk her hooks into you."

I hear him take a drag of his cigarette on the other line. "And it looks like she's got you exactly where he wants you."

"Fuck you," I spit, the hair on the back of my neck standing on end. "You don't know shit about her. You don't know her like I do. Lou-Lou would never fuck me over. What we have is real. She loves me, Emilio." And God knows I love her. I pinch the bridge of my nose. "And now that I think about it, she probably didn't tell me because she thought she was keeping me safe. Because that's what kind of person she is—" I stop mid-sentence when it comes to me. "Speaking of which....why the fuck didn't you tell me about DeLuca showing up? I thought you had my back?"

He's silent for a moment longer than I'd like before he says, "I couldn't. I didn't know he was coming here until a few hours ago. Then he started asking questions about where Luke was and wondering why he wasn't answering his phone. I couldn't call you or text because he was watching my every move like a hawk. And I didn't know we were going to pick her up until I pulled up and saw her." He takes another drag of his cigarette before I hear him stomp it out. "And she only just left a moment ago. I was going to call you. You just happened to call me first."

He sighs. "But like I told you a few weeks ago...you really need to look out for yourself. Focusing on her will get you killed. I know you're in love...I get it—more than you think...but you need to face facts and stop living in this goddamned fantasy. She doesn't belong to you and she never will."

He clears his throat. "She's not the girl who will change your life for the better, Ricardo. She's the girl who will end it," he says before hanging up the phone.

I shake my head, ignoring his words because I know the truth—he's wrong.

I yank open the front door and walk out of the apartment...and that's when I see her.

Turning the doorknob to her own apartment.

I'm ready to rip into her...but then I notice her eyes are all red and puffy and my chest sinks. I make the few short steps over to her and cup her jaw. "Are you okay?"

She glares at me. "I'm fine."

I'm a little taken back by her attitude, but I know she only acts like this when she's trying to protect herself. My jaw works because her claws are out and I know it's because of DeLuca.

Even so, it still doesn't change the fact that she didn't tell me about seeing him. Or the fact that she ran off to see him without a second thought given to us and what we have.

I can't believe I'm in the position where I have no choice but to do this...but it's the only way.

I have to know where she stands. I have to know that we're still a team and I can still trust her.

I decide to give her the chance to come clean and tell me the truth. "Where did you run off to early this morning?" I start. "And why didn't you tell me you were going out? I was worried sick about you."

She rolls her eyes. "Are you my keeper or something? Because last time I checked, my name isn't Jackson or Tyrone."

I need to try a different tactic. This clearly isn't working.

I close the space between us and rub her shoulders. "What's going on, Lou-Lou? Talk to me. Whatever it is, we will get through it, but you need to open up and tell me."

She immediately shrugs me off and backs away. She stays silent, but I don't miss the way her eyes flash before they start to water.

Dammit. I can't fight fire with fire when she's like this. The only way I can push through her walls is by showing her how much I care.

I open my mouth to tell her how much I love her and why I did what I did last night, but the door to Tyrone and Jackson's apartment abruptly opens and out walks some woman with a shaved head and a tattoo on her face, muttering some shit about people from the South being too damn close to one another.

Oddly enough, she appears to be carrying some kind of riding crop in her hand.

Both Lou-Lou and I shoot her a questioning look but she ignores us and swiftly disappears down the hall as I briefly recall Tyrone telling me he was going to the bar last night.

That's when Tyrone himself sticks his head out the door. "Not a damn word," he says to me. "Beer goggles are a bitch. I could have sworn she was Sinead O'Co