Blame it on the shame Part 2

And I know I will be a good mother to my baby. I've never wanted anything more in my whole entire life.

And I will spend my last dying breath fighting for and protecting my little Thumper who's heart is currently blinking at me on the screen.

I can't help but reach forward and touch the screen as more tears stream down my face.

She goes to turn the machine off but I halt her. "Can I have just a few more minutes? Please?"

She gives me a smile. "I can print you a picture if you want."

I nod so hard I think my head's going to fall off. "Yes." I pause. "Two if you can," I say before overwhelming sadness sweeps over me.

There's no way I can tell Ricardo about this.

Because DeLuca will get his revenge by killing Tyrone and Jackson if he finds out.

And when that happens, Ricardo will hate me forever. He'll never forgive me for keeping it.

Oh, god...he might even blame and hate our baby.

I rub my temples and force myself to draw in a deep breath. I don't know much about being pregnant, but I'm certain stress isn't good for the baby.

Plus, I don't have to make any decisions yet. I still have a few weeks to figure out if I'm going to tell Ricardo in the first place and I won't even start showing for a little while.

I still have time to come up with a plan regarding what the fuck I'm going to do about DeLuca.

I glance down at my still flat stomach. I'm not sure how it's possible, but I already love my baby as much as I love their father.

No matter what...I will figure out a way to keep my baby.

I lie back down and let my baby's heartbeat permeate my ears and relax me.

My hand finds my belly and I rub soothing circles over it, just like Ricardo always does to calm me down.

The next day, I'm rushing to the library on a hunt to get my hands on every maternity book there is. There's so much information I don't know yet and so much I need to prepare for.

I'm too afraid to give the librarian my information because I don't want DeLuca to track it, but luckily; this particular library has really good hours and no one bothers me as I sit in the stacks, absorbing every morsel of information that I can.

I glance at my watch when I notice it's dark out and that people are starting to pack up and head home.

Crap. I've been here for over 8 hours. I reach in my bag for my phone which is vibrating like crazy, but a deep voice halts me.

"What the hell is going on, Lou-Lou? I've been calling your cell phone non-stop all day."

I look up and come face to face with Ricardo whose expression is a combination of pissed the fuck off and concerned.

"I—" I start while looking down.

Fuck a duck. There are maternity books surrounding me everywhere. Luckily, I'm not holding any of them, but still.

I breathe a sigh of relief when I notice a romance novel showcasing some guy with Fabio style hair on the cover near me.

I reach for it and give him a shrug. "Sorry, the day must have gotten away from me while I was reading this."

He rubs his lower lip with his thumb and raises a brow while making his way over to me. He gestures for the book and I keep my expression calm and collected as I hand it over to him.

When he bursts out laughing, I feel my heart soar. "Wow...dudes got some killer hair."

I can't help but laugh myself. "Hasn't anyone ever told you not to judge a book by its cover?"

He holds up his hands. "Not judging, babe, I was just worried about you."

He takes another step forward and grabs my chin. "Answer your phone for me next time, send a text....something. I had to call in reinforcements to find you. Luckily Emilio was able to trace you looking up the address to the library on your phone."

His lips brush over my temple. "You have no idea what was going through my head when I couldn't find you. Don't do that to me again. Ever."

I swallow hard and nod. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."

He pulls me into a kiss so intense I become lightheaded.

When he pulls away he puts his arm around me. "Come on, let's go back home."

Of course, my stomach chooses that exact moment to make some kind of loud gurgling sound.

His brows draw together. "When was the last time you ate?"

I mutter a curse and rub my face because the last time I ate was late in the morning. No wonder I'm so hungry. Guilt rips through me and I can't help but touch my belly. Sorry, Thumper. Mommy won't do that to you again.

We leave the library and before Ricardo can ask what I'm doing, I hightail it across the street to the nearest deli and grab a sandwich with the works.

He shoots me another strange look and I shrug i

He shakes his head but his eyes linger on me. "Nothing," he says. "I'm just happy your stomach isn't bothering you anymore."