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Chapter 12 (Lou-Lou)
I haven't cried in so long and now that I've started, I feel like I can't stop.
“It hurts so much. I just want all the pain to go away. Every time I close my eyes he's all I see and feel.”
My next round of sobs are so intense it hurts to breathe.
He drops down to his knees and looks up at me. His expression is a combination of both sadness and determination.
I'm about to ask him what he's doing but then he says, “Tell me where it hurts. Tell me where it hurts so I can take it all away.”
I close my eyes and tell him another truth. “Everywhere. I hurt everywhere.”
I almost jump when I feel his lips brush across my stomach but when I look into his eyes, I don't see Bruno anymore.
I only see Ricardo.
He continues planting the softest, sweetest, most tender kisses across my belly before moving on to my arms and then my legs.
I'm briefly confused as to why he avoids parts of my body that other men wouldn't.
And then it hits me.
Fresh tears stream down my face when I realize these aren't sexual kisses at all...these are kisses that are meant to heal me. He's trying to put me back together like he said he would.
He lifts his head and holds my gaze. “I need you to know that I'll never take something from you that you don't give me.”
I feel my heart come undone in a way I never thought possible. He makes to stand and I throw my arms around his neck and rest my head on his shoulder.
He kisses my cheek and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. “I know it's hard to believe given what you've been through, but there are men out there who would never do what he did.”
I know his words are meant to provide comfort, but they do the exact opposite...because I've never known one.
And there's no way I can tell him that.
If I tell him what Bruno did and Ricardo goes after him, his friends are as good as dead.
Bruno has all sorts of contingencies in place and he's five steps ahead of everyone.
I know Bruno would never kill Ricardo, seeing as he's his son and the only heir to take his place...but if Ricardo makes one wrong move, there is no telling what he would do to those Ricardo cares about.
I never really thought about Ricardo's position before. But now, I realize how much it has to suck. His own life is protected because of who he is, but it has to be an unsettling feeling to know those you care about are stuck on a seesaw being operated by a madman.
A madman that I love as much as I hate.
Which only makes my head spin because my feelings for Ricardo are becoming confusing.
And if I'm not careful, those feelings will get me killed. I know Bruno said to seduce Ricardo when he sent me here...but I can't.
Because I wouldn't be seducing Ricardo.
I'd be giving him even more of me and if Bruno loves me as much as Ricardo says he does...who knows what the fallout from that would be.
I know what I have to do. I know what I have to tell him, how to keep him safe. I have to attempt to kill this co
“You want to hear another truth?”
He gives me a small nod and I draw in a shaky breath. “Whatever this is between us, it can't happen. I love your father, Ricardo. He's a monster but I will always love him. Even if it makes me a monster too.”
His jaw tics and his eyes flash. I think he's about to call me on my bullshit but instead, he says, “You should get some sleep.”
I find myself curling up next to him on the bed because I don't want to leave just yet. “I don't sleep at night,” I whisper.
He flicks off the light. “Me either.”
I know I should go back to my own apartment and stay far away...but I can't help from nuzzling against his chest and sinking into his embrace.
When Ricardo's arms are around me, I don't feel anything else but him.
He chases away my demons...every single one of them.
Including the one we have in common.
I shift in the bed until I'm facing him. “Do you believe a single night can change your life?”
He searches my face. “I do now.”
I fall asleep to the sound of his heart beating against my own. The darkness surrounding both of us.