Blame it on the shame Part 1

Chapter 11 (Ricardo)

“I didn't want it,” she cries. “I never wanted it, Ricardo.”

My heart drops down to my stomach and ice flows through my veins.

I'm about to ask her who the motherfucker is so I can find him and kill him slowly and painfully, but she lets out a guttural wail so full of despair it sears my soul.

I squeeze my eyes shut and hold her against me tighter. “I know you didn't. It's not your fault.”

I feel her tears the moment they hit my chest and every single one of them puncture me.

Then she drops the hammer and shatters what little composure I have to fucking smithereens when she tells me how her father used to sneak into her room every night and all the horrible things he did to her.

I'd like to consider myself a strong person...but I'm no match for her strength.

She's not the only one falling apart right now because I'm right here with her. I feel everything she's telling me and I feel every ounce of her pain.

No wonder she calls DeLuca her savior. That's exactly what he is if he saved her from this nightmare.

“I didn't want it,” she cries over and over again.

It's like the most heartbreaking sound in the world is being played on repeat, ripping my insides apart.

The only thing I can do is tell her that it's not her fault and pray she believes me.

I beg her to tell me where he is or to give me a name but she tells me DeLuca already took care of it and he's dead.

Her sobs become inaudible and my own eyes become glassy.

“I'm so ugly,” she whispers through sobs.

It throws me because that couldn't be further from the truth. “You're beautiful,” I tell her.

“Not on the inside where it counts. My insides are dirty and ugly.”

I brush her tears away and look into her eyes. “Then you don't see the parts that I do.”

And I mean it...my god, do I mean it.

I stand up without letting her go and she wraps her legs around my waist.

“Where are we going?” she chokes out through more sobs.

“To your safe place,” I tell her.

I can't do anything to take away her past but I can show her there are men out there who would never do what that bastard did to her.

I can show her that she'll always be safe with me and that I'll never hurt her.

I can be her friend...and maybe...I can save her in ways I know my father can't.

But only if she keeps letting me in.