Stay with me

My breath staggered as his green eyes sparked with vulnerability I hadn’t seen in him before. The transformation of his sincerity caused the ice block in my chest to pound against my ribcage. The sounds in the room grew distant as I struggled to maintain my point in all this. I could smell the mint from the gum in his mouth and tried to find words.

Anything, Mia. Say anything.

“Do you believe me now?” I whispered.

Ollie swallowed. Ollie licked his lips. Ollie nodded. And I attempted to get up from his lap when Ollie stopped me.

“Don’t,” he stated or pleaded—I couldn’t quite tell. “It’s my turn now.” His eyes searched mine. “I don’t understand your need to have to over analyze a situation, or turn to science to justify the way you look at me from across the mess hall—and trust me, I notice—but sometimes you have to let go and allow moments happen the way they are meant to.”

“Meant to?” My mouth went dry, and I was surprised my voice didn’t shake under his intensity.

“Yes, moments like this are meant to happen, and you are fighting against it. Look what this alone is doing to us. Could you imagine what our kiss would be like?” He brought his thumb to my bottom lip and grazed his fingerprint across the surface. One simple touch and my entire body was caving. “Mia, after everything you said, give me a clear indication as to why I shouldn’t at least try.”

“Because …” I’m losing control. “Because I have rules.”

His brows dipped and he pulled his head back. “Rules? You have more rules?”

“Yes, my ‘don’t let a boy fall for me’ rule. It’s a dangerous position for you to be in and it’s for your own good.” I stood from his lap, taking the music player along with me.

In an attempt to calm my nerves from what had just happened, I fell across the mattress on my stomach and looked through his music. The alcohol managed to bring a moment of relapse, and I had to stay away from the liquor for the rest of the night. I only felt when I was under the influence, and I hated the feeling. The feeling of my arms being tied behind my back with a dozen rifles pointed at me while stranded on a deserted field. A defenseless target, waiting for an open fire which could destroy me in a matter of seconds. Only this wouldn’t kill me. At least not in the way I wanted it to.

My gaze slid down to Ollie on the floor, who was now lying on his back, facing the ceiling. He met my gaze and let out an exhale. “Why do I feel like you just took something from me?” His tone was low and controlled.

“You’re drunk. It will pass eventually.” I was sure of it, but he closed his eyes and shook his head in denial. Bringing my attention back to the playlist in front of me, I changed the music to the only song seeming to fit the moment. I pressed play on “Feel for Me” by an artist named Foy Vance, which I didn’t recognize. A beautiful acoustic guitar drifted from the small speaker, and the others groaned at the loss of their encouragement to dance, but I didn’t care.

The others eventually died down as they all sprawled out over the floor. Their conversations became white noise in the background, and I lay on my stomach, resting my head over my folded hands, looking down at Ollie on the floor. His green eyes kept me steady as I relaxed under my tipsy spell, falling into a trance.

“Good choice in song,” he said as we fixed on one another. “Science is wrong, you know.”

“Science is never wrong.”

He turned on his side to face me and held his head in the palm of his hand. “There are notions more powerful that even science can’t grasp,” he said, and I had no idea what he meant. My brain wasn’t working correctly.

Ollie folded his arms under his head and stayed silent afterward. I couldn’t break away from the steadiness of his green eyes as the room swayed around us. Distant laughter and chatter stayed behind Foy Vance’s beautiful raspy voice. His lyrics poured from the speaker as if they were intended for my ears. Ollie’s allure kept me locked, or Foy’s—I couldn’t quite tell anymore. “The coincidence …” I sighed out loud.

“What’s the coincidence, love?” Ollie asked as the song changed.

“You, me, Foy, the vodka, Dolor, this country … all of it.” I didn’t even understand my own words as they were leaving my mouth. I wasn’t making any sense, and I attempted to lift my head, but gravity was unforgiving.

“Is there a science to back up your coincidence?” Ollie’s tone was honest, but the grin across his face said otherwise.

“Science and coincidences are unrelated.”