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So instead, he decided it was time for him to go. Madja’s new mood was disturbing him, and perhaps once he returned with the means to make her immortal, she would have come to her senses.
Madja listened quietly as he explained how long he would be gone—a few weeks, perhaps a month. There was plenty of food for her, stored in a cool, easily accessible chamber.
He had expected her to protest, to ask him not to leave, but she just nodded to everything, her expression neutral. She was letting him leave, letting him pursue the means to make her immortal; but once again, this did not feel like a victory.
Why was it that she could give him everything he wanted, but make him feel as though he had gotten nothing at all?
Madja had thought things would get better once Sevrrn was gone, that some time apart from him would make her see things more clearly; but as usual, she was wrong.
The first hour he was gone, she had cried. A lot.
She had cried because she felt stifled. Even though Sevrrn was making great strides in becoming more considerate, he was an inherently selfish being. No matter how much progress he made, he would always be a dragon, would always be powerful, and would always expect to have his way.
She had cried because she felt trapped in their relationship. Even though he had given her an out, had told her she could stay in Bern, it had only been the illusion of choice. Aside from the fact that she was carrying his child, she was in love with him. How could she spend her life living in the shadow of his mountain, knowing that she’d chosen a mortal life over a life with him? How could any human man ever compare to the dragon that had once been hers?
She had cried because she was afraid. She was afraid of spending even a mortal lifetime with a man who did not love her, let alone an eternity. There would come a time when they would run out of items to appraise and things to talk about. There would come a time when he would lose interest in her body, perhaps even wonder what it would be like to be with another woman—if he didn’t already. After all, what were the odds that she, a simple human woman and the first woman he really ever got to know, would be the one for him?
Madja thought about all of these things during the next week, as she puttered around the lair, lonely and bored. To occupy herself, she made a project of building a house. After clearing off a small section of the floor, she began carefully stacking coins, slowly building them into walls. A single stack would always topple once it reached a certain height, but she found that if she bolstered the walls four stacks deep, she could build the walls beyond her head.
She had just finished the first room of her house when she decided to take a break. She lay back on the stone floor, one hand behind her head for support. She had not yet figured out how to make a ceiling, and so she was able to stare up at the sky, which was blanketed with dark gray clouds.
One thing Sevrrn had forgotten was that Madja had no idea how to start a fire. Customarily, he lit a large bonfire for her once night descended on the island. It was less for warmth and more for light as, unlike the dragon, she could see very little once the sun set. Thankfully, the island had a semi-tropical climate and winters were, at their worst, chilly.
As she lay on the floor, her free hand flitted over her belly. In the week that had passed, she’d given some consideration towards the life that grew within her and what it meant for her future, but mostly she was just apprehensive. Given her circumstances, it was hard to take much joy in the prospect of being pregnant, particularly because she had no idea how Sevrrn was going to react.
When she had mentioned this was a possibility, Sevrrn had said that it would be, what was the word? Oh, right. Interesting.
Madja cringed. What the hell did that even mean, and how had she just accepted that answer at the time?
Either he hadn’t cared either way if he’d impregnate her, or worse still, what if he, like her, had just assumed it wouldn’t actually be possible? He didn’t seem to know a whole lot about his human body.
Which of course posed another issue. Sevrrn was still struggling with emotions, with his feelings towards her, how would he handle even the prospect of fatherhood? Madja thought it might overload him to the point of an emotional coma.
But the thing that scared her more than anything, and the reason she’d been too much of a coward to tell him the night that he left, was the possibility that he would be neither pleased nor displeased by the news, simply indifferent. She hoped he’d be happy, and she could deal with him being upset, but what if he really just didn’t care? What if he took no interest in their child at all? How could she bear that?
Madja sighed, rubbing her belly more firmly. “You know, a month ago, I was worrying over whether he would ever love me. Now I think I’d be happy if he’d even just like you.” She frowned and glanced down at her belly. “Does that mean I’m starting to like you? You don’t even exist yet. Not really.”
Another thing she had discovered in the past week, was that although she wasn’t yet sold on the idea of being pregnant, she did kind of like having someone to talk to. And in a quiet corner of her mind, she secretly, and guiltily, was happy to think she might have someone to love that would instinctively love her back. She thought that maybe, once her child was born, she would be a little more okay with Sevrrn not loving her.
Which, of course, was horrible of her. How could she put so much pressure on a baby?
“You should know that I’m already a terrible mother,” she said, this time giving her belly a small poke. Even through her robes, she could make out the slight mound where her child resided. If she was being completely honest, her expanding middle had been the main reason she’d been turning Sevrrn away from sex. Turning Sevrrn down was no easy feat.
“I’m not even sure how old you are, or when you’ll be born,” she went on to say. It had been over three months since she’d come to live with Sevrrn. Her cycles had always been timely, but it was impossible to keep track of the dates while in his lair. She hypothesized that it must have happened early, perhaps even the first time they’d been together.
Either that, or her baby was just freakishly large. Or maybe it wasn’t a baby at all, maybe she’d give birth to a dragon. Could she give birth to a dragon? She cringed at the thought, but as she rubbed her belly, the expression morphed into a lazy smile.
A cool breeze swept through the lair and Madja closed her eyes. She sighed, but this time it was a contented one. She was tired and long overdue for her afternoon nap. There was only about an hour of light left to her, but she thought that maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to just sleep through till morning.
She drifted for a little while, maybe she even fell asleep, but some time later, her peace was abruptly shattered.
A loud boom startled her awake. Madja shot up in time to feel the ground quake. Her house of coins came crashing down around her in a shimmering avalanche. There weren’t enough coins to do any real damage, but she dove out of the way regardless.
Three more booms sounded in the distance. The massive piles of coins and treasures were dimly illuminated in the scant moonlight and Madja could see them trembling as the ground shook beneath them. Her first thought was that it was some sort of earthquake, but then recognized that it didn’t explain the loud noises.
After barely a moment’s hesitation, she decided to get a better vantage point. She considered scaling the walls to look out the hole in the ceiling, but decided it would probably be too dangerous. Instead, she put on a pair of slippers and climbed up to the passageway that led outside.