Forever, Plus One

“I look forward to that time,” Emily said, feeling her cheeks warming with a blush.

Doctor Arkwright checked Emily’s pelvis and abdomen, her hip rotations, and general joint flexibility. She moved her fingers deftly, checking almost every inch of Emily’s body. Emily felt she was a lump of dough being kneaded.

“I’ll order some blood tests,” the doctor explained as she worked. “So we know your type and Rh status. We’ll also check for anemia, certain antibodies, and make sure you’re immune to all the big viruses like chickenpox, rubella, hepatitis.”

Blood tests weren’t exactly Emily’s favorite things in the world. The thought of having so many tests made her feel increasingly anxious.

“This is your first pregnancy, isn’t it, Mrs. Morey?” the doctor asked as she placed a cold stethoscope against Emily’s chest.

Emily nodded. “Yes.”

“Any prior gynecological problems? Abnormal pap results? Sexually transmitted infections? Anything like that?”

Emily shook her head and wondered whether it would have been better for Daniel not to have come along to this particular appointment. She’d naively thought such delicate questions wouldn’t be asked immediately. She was going to have to get used to revealing everything about her body now. Nothing would be off limits!

Doctor Arkwright removed her stethoscope and slung it back around her neck again.

“Now, because of your advanced maternal age,” she explained, her attention drawn back to Emily’s abdomen, “it’s a little more important for you to take the right vitamins, sleep enough, reduce your stress levels to the absolute minimum. They’re all things we would recommend to expectant mothers whatever their age, but for you it’s that extra bit important.”

“Should we be worried?” Daniel asked. “About Emily’s age?”

Emily frowned up at him. With her stomach on display and the both of them looking down at her like a specimen it made her feel vulnerable and somewhat at their mercy. She could cope with the doctor referring to her age, but not Daniel!

Doctor Arkwright looked at Daniel briefly and shook her head. “It’s far more common for women to leave starting a family until their late thirties these days and the medical world is catching up. It’s not as much an issue as it used to be. Really the main hurdle is fertility, which clearly isn’t a problem in this case. There is a marginally higher risk of gestational diabetes, blood pressure problems, premature birth. But you’re in safe hands.”

Emily certainly felt like she was in safe hands. She just wished there wasn’t so much testing to be done. It all felt a bit impersonal. Clinical. She didn’t like just feeling like a baby-making vessel and would be very glad when this initial assessment was over and done with.

Doctor Arkwright peeled off her gloves. “All done. You’re in good shape, so nothing of concern there. Please, take a seat and we’ll have a quick look at your medical history.”

Emily sat up and gave Daniel a weak smile, not quite ready to forgive him for his comments on her advanced age. She rearranged her clothes and slid her shoes back on, then took a seat. Doctor Arkwright washed her hands and then came and sat in her chair, spi

“You have a good clean bill of health,” she said, looking through the data. “Scarlet fever in childhood with no lingering aftereffects. Non-smoker, which pleases me greatly. No particular health conditions. Nothing chronic. No ongoing medication use. A slightly higher alcohol rate than I’d like to see, but you’ll be completely quitting that for the next few months anyhoo.” She spun back around and looked at Emily.

“We’re both quitting,” Emily said.

“I didn’t think it would be fair otherwise,” Daniel said. “Especially since we own a bar with a cocktail waiter who’s second to none!”

Doctor Arkwright smiled. Then she laid her forearms against the table and looked across at Emily, her expression serious.

“Now, this might be a little bit of a delicate thing to discuss, but I couldn’t help noticing that on your registration forms you ticked the box of family history of mental health problems. If you’re comfortable to do so, I’d like you to tell me a little bit more about that history. It’s entirely for your benefit, no one’s judging here, it’s just to make sure we’re keeping an eye on the right sort of things while your hormones are changing throughout the pregnancy.”

Emily clasped her hands in her lap, feeling instantly uncomfortable. Talking about her chaotic upbringing was her least favorite thing to do, especially to a stranger, even if that stranger was a doctor who’d probably heard it all before and just wanted to help.

Daniel reached over and touched Emily’s hand for reassurance. Buoyed by his presence, Emily took a deep breath.

“My father went through a long, long period of depression,” Emily said finally, her voice sounding thin. “For dozens of years. It was following my sister’s death.”

Doctor Arkwright nodded and kept her face neutral as she wrote the information onto her form. “And your mother?”

“My mother?” Emily shook her head. “I don’t even know what’s wrong with her to be honest with you. It could be something psychiatric. But then again she might just be a difficult person.”

“She’s not been assessed or diagnosed with anything?”

Emily shook her head. She was feeling very uncomfortable now. Talking about this stuff always made her feel a bit panicky. But Doctor Arkwright added the information to her forms, acting in no way as if Emily’s admission was anything to worry about.

“And what about yourself?” she said, gently. “Did you ever experience any problems growing up?”

Emily shrugged. “I don’t think so. I mean, I was devastated after Charlotte died. And after my dad…” She stopped speaking to collect her thoughts. After a breath, she started again. “There have been some really trying times in my life. I don’t know how well I dealt with them at the time. It took me years to even deal with it all. Then when I started, it came back to me in sort of scary flashbacks.”

Daniel’s thumb stroked the top of her hand where it was resting. “She would zone out occasionally,” he added. “Sort of space out. But it happens a lot less now.”

Doctor Arkwright remained very professional as they spoke, absorbing Emily’s admissions with nothing more than a sympathetic nod of the head. “It sounds like you may have been experiencing some mild PTSD symptoms,” she said.

Emily felt alarmed. It sounded so dramatic. For her, it had just been something she’d gone through, some kind of natural outcome to touching on the memories she’d closed off for so many years.

“Please, don’t worry,” the doctor reassured her. “It’s far more common than people believe, particularly when trauma happens in childhood. When we don’t have the language to express our emotions or even label them properly, repression becomes a natural defense mechanism. The important thing to note now is that you may be at a slightly higher risk of pre- or postnatal depression or psychosis. Again, it sounds dramatic but it’s very well treated these days, through counseling and medication if necessary. As long as we keep an eye on your symptoms there’s absolutely nothing to worry about.”

Emily nodded and let out her breath. Doctor Arkwright was very reassuring, but at the same time she felt a sense of unpleasant anticipation for what might be in store for her. These things were never talked of. Not amongst her friends, nor her mother’s generation. She couldn’t help but feel worried about having a higher chance of experiencing something that was so poorly understood.

Doctor Arkwright smiled and handed a glossy folded slip of paper to Emily. “Here’s a pamphlet that details nutrition, vitamins, exercise, travel do’s and don’ts, et cetera. Take some time to read it and let me know if you have any questions when we next meet. I’ll also give you a prescription for prenatal vitamins, which are very important. We’ll book a sonogram for four weeks’ time, so you can see your baby.”