The Dark Divine

"I don't have a mother."

"What?" I looked at him.

"That woman isn't my mother," he said through clenched teeth. His jaw tightened; the veins in his neck bulged. "Even she didn't want me. She chose him over me."

"Who?"

"My father."

"I thought he skipped town when the sheriff took you away."

Daniel snorted. "He didn't stay away for long. He started coming around as soon as I moved to Oak Park with my mom. He kept begging her to take him back. At first she told him to get lost because he wasn't allowed to come near me. But he said he loved her, and she believed him. He said I made him crazy. I made him do the things he did." Daniel rubbed his hand over his head, as if he could still feel the pain of his fractured skull.

"One night I overheard her on the phone with my social worker. Mom told him to come get me because she wanted to leave with my dad. She said she didn't want me anymore. She said I was too much for her to handle anyway." Daniel rocked forward and back, smacking his shoulders against the trunk of the tree.

"Daniel, I didn't know." I wanted to sooth his shaking. I put my hand on his chest and smoothed my fingers up his neck. "What did you do?"

"I ran away. I didn't want to go back into foster care.

"But you could have come back to us."

"No, I couldn't," he said. "That beast--my father-- was as horrid as they come, and my own mother chose him over me. You wouldn't have wanted me, either. Nobody would have." He cringed, shaking more than ever. "Nobody ever will."

"But / want you, Daniel." I brushed my fingers into his hair. "I've always wanted you."

I had to show him that I needed him. I had to do something. I tilted his head toward mine and put my lips on his. He was like stone--stiff and cold--and I wanted to warm him. I moved my Hps, and tried to kiss him, but his mouth stayed rigid and he didn't kiss back. I pressed harder.

His lips parted, melting, soft. He wrapped his arm around my waist under the blanket, and pulled me onto his lap. His hands slid up my back, over my shoulder blades.

The afghan fell to the ground. Then one of Daniel's hands was in my hair, cradling my head. His mouth became warm and fierce. He pulled me hard against his chest, as if he couldn't get me close enough.

I'd pictured this moment with Daniel when I was younger. I'd shared a couple of awkward doorstep kisses since then with other guys. But the passion in Daniel's kiss--

his mouth searching mine, as if seeking an answer that could save his life--was more than anything I could have ever imagined. The shadows and the winter chill melted away around us. I'd never felt so encircled by warmth. I slid my hands across his shoulders, then up his neck. My fingers tangled with the leather strap of his necklace. I leaned my head back as he trailed his lips down my throat. My heart pounded with the truth I'd been trying to deny--the words I couldn't hold in any longer.

Maybe it was the answer he'd been searching for in my kiss.

"Daniel, I lo--"

"Don't," he whispered. His breath was so hot on my neck. "Don't say it, please."

But I had to. He needed to know how I felt. I needed him to know, "I love you."

Daniel shuddered. A low, rumbling growl echoed deep in his throat. "No!" he roared, and pushed me away from him.

I hit the ground, too shocked to speak.

Daniel, on all fours, scurried back a few feet. "No! No!" He clutched at his neck, as if to grab his stone pendant. But it wasn't there. It was in my hand. The leather strap had snapped in my fingers when he thrust me away.

My hands trembled as I held it out to him.

He reached for it, shaking more than I was. Like an earthquake ravaged in his chest. His eyes blazed as bright as two full moons. He grabbed the pendant, squeezing it so tight it would have sliced his hand had it been sharp, and backed away. The light left his eyes. He breathed hard and fast like he'd just run a marathon.

"I can't do this," he panted.

"Daniel?" I crawled toward him.

He backed away even farther. Sweat beaded on his forehead. He jumped as a car pulled up along the curb. He whispered something so low I could barely understand over the sound of the engine. "It can't be you," I thought he said.

Pete Bradshaw said something as Jude and April got out of the car. A girl's laughter followed. It sounded like Je

"I can't do it." Daniel retreated into the shadows, still watching the car. "I could never ask."

I glanced at Pete as he waved good-bye to Jude and April. When I turned back, Daniel was already gone. You could never ask what?

ALMOST MIDNIGHT

I hid behind the tree while Jude and April sat on the porch swing and said their good-byes. I pulled my legs to my chest and buried my head in my knees. I tried to stop trembling. I tried to stop thinking about that kiss. I tried to stop thinking about Daniel's reaction to my admission--that frightening look in his eyes. Daniel's words played in reverse in my head. / could never ask. I can't do this. I'm no hero. Your brother knows that. What did my brother know?

That was it. I had to talk to Jude. No more dancing around the subject. No more treating it like nothing. I had to know what had happened between the two of them. How could I truly fix Daniel--how could I help him--if I didn't know what plagued his conscience?

Now if only T could get Jude alone. April's car was in the driveway, but it took them a good half hour to even start inching toward it. I squashed the blanket around my ears to block the sounds of their kissing. April made this little purring noise every time they came up for air.

I must have nodded off because the glow-in-the-dark hands on my watch said it was nearly midnight when I heard April's car finally pull out of the driveway. Jude was about to go into the house when I called his name.

He wheeled around. "Grace, how long have you been there?" He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Not long." I scrunched the blanket closer around my shoulders to hide the pink splotches creeping up my neck. "I was just walking back from the MacArthurs'. I was babysitting."

"Oh." He looked at the blanket. "You okay?"

"I need to ask you ..."I stepped closer. "I need to ask you about Daniel."

He jangled his keys in his hand. "What about him?"

"I need to know what happened between you two. Why you hate him so much."

Jude grunted. "So you do care about that?" There was a hint of satisfaction in his voice. "It's about time."

"I've asked you a dozen times. You're the one who won't talk." I stepped up on the porch. "I care, Jude. I've always cared about you."

"Not as much as you care about him."

"How can you say that? You're my brother."

"If you cared so much about me, then how did Daniel get that coat?"

"His coat?"

"That coat he was wearing earlier today. The red-and-black North Face. How did he get it?"

"I... I gave it to him." I didn't understand why that coat was important. And then I remembered. "It was yours, wasn't it?" Jude didn't answer.

"I'm sorry." I dropped the blanket at my feet. "I didn't realize. That night I got stranded on Markham, Daniel came along and fixed the car. I gave him the coat in return.

He really needed it. He's been through so many bad things--it just felt like something small I could do to help."