Wonder

“Everyone deserves a second chance.”

“Don’t feed me your lies, not after all that you have done in the past.”

“Everyone deserves a second chance,” the Pillar said again. His tone the same. He wanted to pass a message. Sometimes you had to tell people twice to get them out of their heads.

“She is beyond redemption.”

“Says the White Queen who killed millions and resorted to becoming a nun?”

“I killed in the name of glory.” She gritted her teeth. “I killed to save children from Wonderland Monsters. I killed for the Inklings, not Black Chess. For a good cause.”

“So says the religious bomber who explodes a school bus full of kids every day. We can justify all we want. The truth will remain blurry, and we can only trust our hearts.”

“So that’s it? You believed in your heart when you woke the dark Alice up, made a paper-thin hero out of her.”

“Yes, Fabiola. All you have to do is look at her. Just look without prejudice. She can do it.”

“Do what?” Fabiola asked. “Don’t you remember what she did after the Circus?”

“Fu

“Stop messing with my mind. She went bonkers. The darkest Wonderland Monster of all.”

“You’re talking about the circus, which you helped her to find in the vision when she was in the Garden of Cosmic Speculation.”

“I did it to prove she wasn’t the Real Alice.”

“Liar,” the Pillar said. “You did it to prove she was the Real Alice, so you could kill her. Or you did it because you believed in this delusional girl who had magically saved so many lives in so few weeks.”

Fabiola shrugged, drops of rain splashing on her nose. “And you fooled us all. You fed us all these lies about her being a hero.”

“I fed you the truth, one lie after the other. Sometimes good comes out of evil. It is about to get dark in a few hours.” He nodded at the skyline. “It doesn’t mean the sun won’t shine tomorrow.”

“You’re twisting the words to your liking, like you always have, Carter. Do you have any idea how much damage you caused to her by waking her up?”

“Damage to her, or to you?”

“Stop twisting my words, I said. What was the point, Carter? What was the point of proving she was the Real Alice?”

“To show you she can do good,” the Pillar said. “To show she can save the world from the Cheshire, the Muffin Man, the Executioner, Carolus, and even me.”

“She did it thinking she was someone else. Someone you made her think she is.”

“So the things we do knowing who we really are count, and the things we do pretending we’re a better someone else don’t?”

“Oh, spare me the philosophy.”

“Or spare you the truth?”

“The truth is she is a killer, Black Chess’s favorite.”

“The truth is she is a lifesaver who stood in Black Chess’s way many times,” the Pillar countered. “Even the timeline suggests what I’m saying is true. Once she was evil, now she is a hero. Let it go.”

“You’re trying to fix a broken soul because you can’t fix yourself.”

“I’m immune to insults, Fabiola. Try something else.”

“You want something else?” She stepped forward, locking eyes with him. It was the moment he feared the most. But it was inevitable. “From this day on, you and your precious little devil are the Inklings’ enemies. My enemies.”

The Pillar shrugged.

“I will declare war on Alice.”

“I knew you would.”

“That’s because you know me from way back. You know who I really am. The fierce warrior that fought for the Inklings no matter what. Wi

“Just don’t tell it to her in the face,” the Pillar said. “She really loves you. It will crush her.”

Fabiola’s face twitched. She had just confessed her love for Alice a few hours back. Now, in the blink of an eye, the tables had turned. But the Pillar knew Fabiola wouldn’t give in. She’d had a rough childhood herself. And every Wonderlander counted on her.

“Try to forgive and look ahead, Fabiola,” the Pillar said. “Even Lewis bought into my plan.”

“Which really puzzles me,” she said. “Every time I remember him hugging and advising her in the Tom Tower, or when his apparition appeared to her in the Inklings, telling her she was the hero, my mind reels.”

“It wasn’t easy for him,” the Pillar said. “When I tried to take the Lullaby pill from him in the future, he wouldn’t let me.”

“That’s because in the future he regretted letting you help her,” Fabiola said. “Come on, Pillar. Open your eyes. Can’t you see we lost the war in the future? Doesn’t that tell you that backing her up isn’t the right thing to do?”

The Pillar said nothing. He lifted one arm and tapped his left breast pocket. His yellow note hiding inside. “I have my reasons.”

“Stubborn as you always have been.” She sighed. “One of the reasons I could never love you.”

“Could is good. It means you wanted to but didn’t.”

“Listen to me,” she said. “Alice is now in the past, realizing who she really is. It’s either she finds her way back through that Wonder, or whatever that is, or she dies.”

“She won’t die.”

“Just listen.” Her knuckles whitened around the umbrella. “If she dies, then it’s all good. I can lead the Inklings to win the war against Black Chess. If she finds her Wonder and lives…”

“What happens then, Fabiola?”

“I will kill you both,” she said without flinching. He knew she meant it. And it complicated things.

The Pillar watched her walk away, almost disappearing behind the rain. “Fabiola!” he called after her.

“What now, Carter?” She stopped, but didn’t turn around.

“There is only one way to kill her.”

“What’s that?”

“You will have to kill me first.”

Chapter 58

THE PAST: ALICE’S CELL, RADCLIFFE ASYLUM

Waltraud wheels me back to my cell. I stare at my immobile legs in dismay. I’m sweating out of shock. But I am not crying anymore. I’ve dried all my tears already.

“Mr. Jay wants you to rethink the Lullaby pill,” Waltraud says, sending me into my cell.

Speechless, I stare into the mirror in front of me. I’ve witnessed this scene before, only I thought I was hallucinating. I thought I was dreaming. I thought I was mad. Turns out I’m not. I’m reliving my past in full color.

How I wish I was mad right now.

“There is no rabbit in the mirror,” I manage to say.

“There’s never been a rabbit,” Waltraud says. She whispers in my ear, “It’s always been you. We’re proud of you.”

I let out a chuckle. A painful one. A mixture of laughter and crying. Pain and pleasure. Sanity and insanity.

It occurs to me that I’m just confused. If this is my past, why am I sad? I am the Real Alice. A dark and vicious one that everyone was looking for because they feared me the most.

Why am I sad, then? I can’t escape me. Why is there a nagging part of me wanting me to be a hero?

“I’m really sorry I broke your knees,” Waltraud says. The irony. “You were under the pill’s influence. I had to stop you from escaping. I’m really sorry.”

When I raise my eyes to meet hers in the mirror, I realize she is scared of me. Now that the pill’s influence has worn off, she is expecting me to return to my real self. She thinks I will hurt her.

“I hope you don’t hold grudges against me,” she says. “Please don’t hurt me.”

The irony, times two. Or better, times Walraud’s weight. Even better, times the number of times she will fry me in the Mush Room in the future.

“Do you want me to wash your feet?” she offers. “Mr. Jay says it’s going to take you six months for your knees to recover.”

“No, Waltraud. I don’t want you to wash my feet. I want to ask you about Dr. Tom Truckle.”

“The pill-popping fool who thinks he is building an ark and saving the Mushroomers to win the Wonderland Wars?” Her whole body shakes when she laughs.