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Jake’s smile faded. He took a deep breath and said, “I’m quitting the force.”
That was a shocker. I didn’t know what to say.
“It’s the right thing to do,” he said. “The honorable thing. The lies, the double life -- you were right. I’ve compromised my position.”
Continuing to see things in black-and-white, career change notwithstanding. No one judged himself more harshly than Jake. “What will you do?”
“I’m thinking of going into the private sector.”
Again, I couldn’t think of anything to say. I couldn’t picture him as…what? Security guard in a bank? Armored car driver?
Into my silence he smiled sheepishly and said, “I was thinking of opening my own agency.”
“You mean like a PI?”
“Yeah.”
“Wow. Sam Spade.”
It seemed unreal. I couldn’t imagine Jake as anything but a cop.
He was watching my expression. “I don’t want to hit you with too much at once.”
“There’s more?” I smiled but I felt cold inside -- like the hypothermic chill that hits you after major surgery.
“I don’t know if this matters to you or not. I mean, matters in the same way it would have once.”
I swallowed hard. Closed my eyes to keep him from seeing what I was feeling.
He said steadily, “I’ve asked Kate for a divorce. I told her the truth. All of it. Everything.”
I gritted my jaw hard.
“I talked to my family. I told them that I’m homosexual.”
My jaw ached but I couldn’t prevent moisture from leaking out beneath my lashes and itching its way down my face.
He said, “Does that still mean anything to you?”
I opened my eyes. Saw his expression through the prism of unshed tears, and took a deep, unsteady breath.
“Yeah,” I said. “It means something.”
THE END
Josh Lanyon
Josh Lanyon is the author of four Adrien English mystery novels. THE HELL YOU SAY was nominated for a Lambda Literary Award and is the wi