Cockeyed

Nelson slumped wearily. “The reason I am involving myself in this ridiculous business at all is to protect Uncle Hu

Hu

“Not true,” Nelson said, looking even more despondent.

“My parents are conservative, but they are not bigots and they are not mean-spirited. They simply observe certain standards of taste, about which Uncle Hu

“I have standards of taste, too,” Hu

“Except, I have certain standards of bad taste I try to live by. To each his own, Nelson, to each his own.”

Art said, “Nelson, your father did so tell people you had a girlfriend who was killed on 9/11. That came back to Hu

and her name was Gwen Bainbridge, Lewis told people.”

“Miriam and Lewis,” Hu

“Hu

I said, indicating the bundle of computer printouts the three men had brought along with them to my office, “a number of the things people are saying about you go beyond questions of taste. Lowbrow high-spiritedness is one thing, but some of these people say they have proof that you’ve done things that are illegal. For instance, serving alcohol to minors. The law takes that seriously, as I’m sure you know. And you’ve had phone calls now from — how many? seven? — young men who say you got them drunk and had sex with them. Are any of these guys telling the truth?”

Hu

Hu

and then — did whatever it is you do?”

“Gave them blowjobs,” Hu

“There could be a few pictures out there somewhere. No videos, though, I don’t think. And no pictures from any of the guys who have called so far.”

Nelson muttered bitterly, “Oh, so far. That’s great.”

Art said, “Hu

“Like at work,” Hu

“Good choice of words — stand up for me,” and he and Art cackled.

Nelson looked close to tears.

“And then in addition to the men who are explicitly threatening to expose you for illegal acts,” I said, “are a dozen or so who have asked for money and used language where there’s an implicit threat. We’re talking nearly twenty of these characters to deal with, and maybe more on the way, no? If I do take you on as a client, Hu

Tracking all these guys down and then explaining to them in the nicest way possible that blackmail and extortion are illegal in the state of New York could take up a sizeable chunk of my work week or month.” I went over my standard fee schedule, and as I sat across from not-so-plutocrat-looking Hu

Hu

“Those are my normal fees. Once in a while people ask for their money back, but most are satisfied.”

Hu

with an older, more experienced man?”

“I told you, Uncle Hu

Hu

“Do you and your partner do drag?” I asked Nelson conversationally and maybe because I was curious as to what I might get Hu

Nelson said, “Lawn and I do not do drag, no. That’s just the way my uncle talks. Constantly.”

“When you were twelve,” Art said, “you got caught wearing your mother’s underwear. Hu

Art and Hu

And what do you do? You and Art spend the entire time insulting me and dishing detective Strachey. So, do you want help, or do you not? If you do, then I suggest that you start acting like a mature adult for the first time in your life.”

“Anyway,” Hu

“That was entirely different,” Nelson said. “This time it wouldn’t be about social protest. It would be about corrupting a minor or something really serious you couldn’t wriggle out of so easily. And it wouldn’t just be overnight, either.”