Cockeyed

“Do you and Mr. Malanowski have children?” Sanders asked.

“Just our pool boys, Tyler and Schuyler. They attend hvCC and CoCkeyed 91

live with their parents in Schodack. But their home situation is less than ideal, so Artie and I do what we can to look after them.”

Sanders said, “You mentioned someone you called the Brienings who might receive half a billion dollars. Are these relatives of yours?”

Hu

Hu

Hu

“Maybe they are unfashionably early,” Art said. “Kidnappers don’t have to be well-ma

Hu

Trinkus must have said something else, but Hu

92 Richard Stevenson

Antoine said, “Hu

“I know, dear one, that the only thing those folks are really up to is wrecking my last nerve. That’s what they get off on. But I want to go on Focks anyway and try to win over a few listeners. I think if some people see how nice and well-adjusted and happy-as-a-clam I am, and Art and I am, that will be doing a good deed for gay America. Gay people all over the country will thank me for it, and it’s just a responsibility I have to fulfill. It will help the cause of gay marriage and gay equality, so I must use this occasion to speak out.”

This sounded as if it could lead to Lawn getting more complaints from his Dartmouth classmates. But before I could say anything to that effect, Jack Wrangler’s member indicated that at last it was actually six thirty, and, on schedule, the phone rang once again.

ChAPteR thiRteen

“Oh, God, just don’t hurt her,” Hu

everybody says that about her — and I am begging you just to let her go as soon as I drop off the money.”

Sanders was listening on his cell phone and nodding at Nechemias. Art, Antoine and I stood straining to hear any sound that leaked out from the receiver next to Hu

“Yes, yes,” Hu

Sanders’ eyebrows went up. Hu

“I understand. I should put the twenty thousand…did you say in a gym bag? Oh God. I don’t have a gym bag. I haven’t set foot in a gym since seventh grade. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Oh. Okay, a small suitcase. I have a small suitcase that is black with a purple ribbon on the handle so I can always spot it when the driver takes it out from the luggage compartment under the bus.”

Sanders held his cell phone away from his face and whispered to Hu

Hu

Hu

money at TGI Friday’s? Where will Mom be at that point in time?

Yes. Yes. Uh-huh. Well, I guess I will just have to trust you.”

Sanders was nodding again. “But is Mom still in her bathrobe and slippers? If you drop her off at a store, she’s going to be so embarrassed. Why not bring her to tgi Friday’s and I’ll get her right into my car and drive her over to Golden Gardens, and then we can all just forget this whole horrible episode?”

Sanders gave thumbs up to this suggestion, but the kidnappers must not have gone for it. Hu

“Okay, Mister Kidnapper, whoever you are. It will take me fifteen minutes or so to get out to Stuyvesant Plaza, depending on traffic. And I’ll toss the black bag with the purple ribbon on the handle in the Dumpster behind tgi Friday’s. Then I will drive out onto Western Avenue and head back this way. Before I get home, Mom will call this number and tell whoever answers the phone where she has been let off. Did I get that straight? Everything is all right, then?”

Antoine whispered, “Ask the asshole how you go

Hu

Hu

“They had it coming,” Art said. “So, what’s the situation?

You’re supposed to toss the money in a Dumpster at Stuyvesant Plaza?”

“Yeah, right now. I’m supposed to come alone.”

Now Sanders was on his cell with somebody. He said to Hu

car out in front. Lester, why don’t you bring that on in here?”

Nechemias hurried out the door.

“tgi Friday’s will be covered by APd undercover officers. Just take the money, Mr. Van Horn, and drive it out there and do like the caller said. Do you know your way out there?”

“To Stuyvesant Plaza? Girl, of course I do.”

“We still don’t know where the caller was located — it was a cell — but Verizon is working on that. We do know the number of the cell and who the subscriber is. Does the name Elton Steckenfinger mean anything to you?”

“Steckenfinger?”

“Yes.”

“No. I’d remember that one. ‘Ooo, I think my finger is stecken. Just try to relax.’”

Sanders stared at Hu