Cockeyed

As the reporter closed in on Hu

The room erupted in hilarity, and the reporter smiled agreeably, if maybe not quite getting the joke.

Riveted, Timmy said, “There we are. Our people. We’re on TV. But I don’t see Gore Vidal anywhere.”

“Or Eleanor Roosevelt. I hope straight viewers don’t get the wrong idea.”

Now the reporter was yelling into Hu

Grabbing the mike, Hu

Somebody in the room yelled, “Susan Boyle!” This brought down the house with cackles and groans.

“Listen, girl,” Hu

4 Richard Stevenson

“Billion!” several voices shouted out, and Hu

“God, I’m richer than Mado

This produced gales of laughter, as well of cries of “That’s for sure!” and “Yes, you are! Yes, you are!”

Still mesmerized, Timmy said, “Oh my.”

I shared his amazement. “This will go down in the a

As somebody passed Hu

And what about work from now on? Are you pla

Spraying smoke and droplets of champagne at the reporter, Hu

“So then,” the reporter said, “are you pla

“Oh, sure,” Hu

“Yeah, like blow it up!” somebody yelled, and this produced more laughter.

“And Art was reminding me just the other day that we need four new tires on the Explorer…”

Now a man who had been part of the kick line was being CoCkeyed 5

nudged forward by other celebrants, and we recognized him from earlier in the report. The reporter said, “And here is somebody else who may have his own ideas about what you can do with your billion dollars. This is Hu

A gri

“Art is the grown-up of the household,” Hu

“He’s pulling your leg,” Malanowski said chortling. “Hu

Somebody in the room started chanting, “No, he’s not!” and others picked it up. “No, he’s not! No, he’s not…!”

Then they all cheered as Hu

Timmy said, “Uh oh.”

Suddenly looking a little more sober, Malanowski said,

“Hu

“Artie, luv, you are my Paul Newman,” Hu

“Hu

“Yes, he was!” Hu

trailing away into raucous laughter.

The TV reporter asked, “How long have you two been a couple? I get the impression it’s been quite some time you’ve been together.”

“Oh, girl!” Hu

“But we would like to make it legal,” Malanowski said. “Just to show that we’re as good as anybody else.”

“And to make sure you’re in Hu

“Well,” the reporter said gamely, “like a lot of married couples, you two do seem to have quite a bit in common.”

“You bet we do,” Hu

Malanowski added, “You bet we both like money. After all,”

he sang, almost in tune, “mon-ey makes the world go ‘round…

the world go ‘round…the world go ‘round…”

There were cheers again, and Hu

This led to more applause and then cries of “Bring on the boys! Where are the boys?”

Somebody yelled, “Put the twins on TV! Let’s get a little of the twins!”

The large black man reappeared in a voluminous pink satin blouse, and this time he was guiding the two identical youths wearing wAnt soMe? T-shirts into the center of the scene.

Hu

bellowing, “Everybody meet Tyler and Schuyler. These are our pool boys! Aren’t they adorable?”

The two comely lads stood looking goggle-eyed and twitchy, and plainly under the influence of a controlled substance.

The reporter was begi

— and then immediately looked as if she wished she hadn’t said it — “But you don’t have a swimming pool, do you, Hu

“The boys may have misplaced it. They’re easily distracted,”

Hu

“Anyway,” Art said, “maybe we’ll have a pool put in tomorrow.

The Luntzes, up the street, have an aboveground pool, and we know there’s room for one of those out back.”

“We have to wait until we actually get our hands on the money,” Hu