Four Week Fiance

"Why? Do you believe in soulmates?"

"I do," I said earnestly. "I believe that there's one perfect person made for everyone."

"Made by whom?" He laughed again.

"By God," I said stiffly, feeling awkward.

"Oh, okay." His voice trailed off. "Sure thing."

"Or, if you prefer, the universe. I think that there is one perfect person out there for everyone and when you meet them you just know."

"You just know what?"

"That they're the one, of course." I was starting to get a

"That's a nice fairy tale." he said with a laugh.

"I don't think it's a fairy tale."

"Well, good luck to you then, Mila. I hope you meet this perfect man, your soulmate, or whatever." His voice had been stiff and the air had gone silent.

That was the moment that I started to question everything. That was the moment I knew I loved him as more than a crush. That was the moment I knew that my fairy tale might never come true.

***

There’s a numbness in pain that I welcome. It’s a welcome change from gut-wrenching pain and emptiness that you feel when you love someone who doesn’t love you. There is nothing worse than the feeling of rejection. There is nothing worse than not being good enough. There is nothing worse than the feeling in your heart when you realize that the man that you love doesn’t love you back; even if you would have bet your soul on it that he did. I didn’t trust my heart anymore, or my brain. They both lied to me. They told me that TJ loved me. I knew he didn’t want to love me. I knew that he’d never told me he loved me, but something in me had still believed it to be true. Something in the way that he smiled, in the way that he looked at me, his possessiveness, that way he held me close, the way he talked to me. All of those things had told me he was the one. But it was all in my head. It was all a dream. A fantasy. I’d gone and made a fool of myself and I was embarrassed and ashamed and devastated. And my heart—well, I was surprised my heart was still functioning.

I’d left TJ’s house that morning, anxious to get away from him and to see No

I resisted the urge to check my phone again once I hit a stoplight. I knew that there wouldn’t be any texts from TJ. I hadn’t heard my phone beeping. He didn’t care. He wasn’t thinking of me as much as I was thinking of him. That didn’t matter to me though. As soon as I was stopped, I grabbed my phone and quickly punched in my code to check my messages. My heart fell as I saw no new messages. It wasn’t a shock, but just another confirmation that I was a sad case. This was the fifth time since I’d left TJ’s home that I was checking my messages, praying and hoping for a sign that maybe—just maybe—he could love me back. But there was nothing. I continued driving to No

I turned on the radio to see if I could cheer myself up with some new music, when Adele’s new single, “Hello”, started playing. I sang along and felt the tears streaming once again. I wasn’t sure why I allowed myself to listen to sad songs, when I was suffering from heartache. I knew it wasn’t smart, but somehow it made me feel better. It made me remember that other people had gone through heartache as well and still ended up okay on the other side. My stomach felt empty as I sang along and drove. I wasn’t sure that I was going to feel better once this was all over. I wasn’t sure it was smart to even stay in this relationship with TJ. How could I keep giving myself to him? Sleeping with him? Loving him? Knowing that every moment with him made me love him more and made him feel like I was still nothing.

I turned onto the interstate and switched the radio off. I needed to dry my eyes and pretend to be happy for my meeting with No

***

No

“You too, No

“I understand.” He smiled at me graciously as we walked into his home. I smiled as I saw that he had an old photo album out on the couch, and I walked over to it.

“Looking at photos of No

“Every single day.” He nodded and walked over to me and we sat down together on the couch and looked at the photos.

“She was so beautiful,” I said as I picked up a photo of No

“This day, your No

“Oh No

“Yes.” He laughed. “I wanted to make her jealous.” He looked over at me and winked. “She’d been talking to Alberto, the banker’s son, the day before and I knew he had intentions to get to know her better. I needed to make sure she knew that she liked me.”

“And so you flirted with someone else?” I said and shook my head.

“The games of love have been around for a long time, my dear.” He laughed and put the photo back in the album carefully. We went through the pages and I stared at all the old photos of No

“This is beautiful, No

“She was beautiful,” he almost whispered as he sat back. “My love, my amore,” he said as he stared at the photo. “That day, the day this photo was taken, that was the day that I knew your No

“Oh?” I asked him, my heart pounding. I was starting to feel emotional. I sat there wishing that TJ would feel that way about me and that made me feel guilty. I didn’t want to turn every situation into one where I was thinking about TJ.

“Your No