Desert Places

Orson retrieved his handcrafted knife and inserted a tape into a video camera that sat on a black tripod in the corner. I didn’t recall seeing a video camera on Shirley’s night.

When he noticed me looking at the camera, he said, “Hey, I gotta have something to tide me over.” Orson walked to the center of the room with his knife as Wilbur moaned on the floor.

“Jeff,” Orson said, “you’re smarter than your recalcitrant friend here. I’ve known you only forty minutes, and it’s an obvious fact.” Orson looked at me and said, “Drag the plastic over here, Andy.” I walked to the corner, where at least two dozen neatly folded sheets were stacked. On a nearby shelf, I noticed a cardboard box filled with votive candles, and I wondered to what use Orson put them.

“Look,” Jeff said, “please just listen—”

“Zip it, Jeff. It’s futile. Normally, I’d have given you two a test, but your roadside ma

Jeff stood, but Wilbur struggled. He’d already bled a little pool onto the floor. I spread the sheet near the pole, and the men sat back down, Jeff looking with confusion at the plastic beneath him.

“Jeff,” Orson continued, “how long you known Wilbur?”

“All my life.”

“Then this might be a difficult decision for you.” I was leaning against the double doors, and Orson looked back at me. “Have a seat, Andy. You’re making me nervous.”

As I sat down in the lawn chair, Orson turned back to Jeff and held up the knife and the revolver. “Jeff, the bad news is you’re both going to die tonight. The slightly better news is that you get to decide who gets the easy way and who gets the fun way. Option A. My brother executes you with this three fifty-seven. If you choose the gun, you have to go first. Option B. I take this gorgeous knife and cut your heart out while you watch.” Orson smiled. “Take a moment to think it over.”

My brother walked to me as the men stared at each other on the plastic—Jeff crying, Wilbur on the verge of losing consciousness. Orson leaned down and whispered into my ear: “Whoever you shoot, you’re doing them an act of kindness. They’ll feel nothing. I’m not even go

Orson returned to the center of the room and looked down at the men. “Jeff, I’m go

Jeff sobbed. “Why are you—”

“If the next words from your mouth aren’t ‘Shoot me’ or ‘Shoot him,’ I’ll take both your hearts out. Decide.”

“Shoot me,” Jeff cried, his lips pulling back, exposing rotten teeth. Wilbur, still holding his leg, glared at Orson.

My brother walked to the back door and said, “Andy, I thought about it, and I’m only leaving you one bullet in the gun. Wouldn’t want you to do them both a favor.” Orson emptied the cylinder and reloaded one round.

“Behind the ear, Andy. Anywhere else and you might not kill him. He’d just lay around suffering.” Orson set the gun on the floor. “I’d love to stay and watch, but after that incident with Miss Ta

Rising, I crossed the floor to the gun, picked it up, and carried it back to the chair. The way Jeff watched me felt u

I sat down to think, my hands sweating onto the metal. Jeff stared at me, and I stared back. Our eyes met, eyes that in another time or place might have been cordial or apathetic, now gravely opposed. This is preventing his torture.

When I stood, my legs jellied, like those nightmares when you have to run, but your legs refuse to work. I walked toward Jeff. It’s for his own good. Be professional, calm, and swift. Even through his pain, Wilbur cursed me under his malodorous breath. Are you actually going to do this?

“A joke?” Jeff laughed strangely. “This is a fu

Lifting the gun in my right hand, I pointed it at Jeff and tried to aim, but my hands shook. I stepped forward so that, despite my trembling, Jeff’s head remained in the sight.

“Don’t shoot my face,” he begged as tears welled up again in his eyes. Jeff knelt down and leaned forward like a Muslim facing Mecca, his dirty blond hair in his eyes, his right arm stretched out, still co

You aren’t going to do this.

I took a step closer. His face now inches from my boots, he made fists and grunted, preparing to die. With both hands, I steadied the gun, and my finger found the trigger.

I squeezed, but the hammer only clicked.

Jeff gasped.

“I’m sorry,” I said, and as his back heaved up and down from hyperventilation, I stepped back. The cylinder of a Smith & Wesson rotates counterclockwise. Orson had loaded the eleven o’clock chamber instead of the two. You did that on purpose, you bastard. I dropped the round into the hot chamber, put the barrel behind Jeff’s ear, and thumbed back the hammer.

He went limp and rolled onto his left side. I hadn’t heard the gunshot or felt my finger move, but a stream of dark blood flowed fast onto the plastic. In five seconds, it had surrounded Jeff above the shoulders, a crimson halo that reflected the lightbulb redly. I could see into his right eye, open but blank, without soul or will. As the pool expanded across the plastic, Wilbur jerked back, dragging Jeff’s body with him, and shrieking his name. Do not analyze this moment. You couldn’t bear it.

The back door opened, and Orson entered, an expression of awe upon his face as he stared at the plastic. He pulled the Polaroid camera from his pocket, and captured me looking down at Jeff.

“This moment…” he began, but did not finish the thought. His eyes glistened, joyful. “My God, Andy.” He came and took the gun from my hands. Embracing me with tears in his eyes, he rubbed my back. “This is love, Wilbur,” he said. “Real as it gets.” Orson let go and wiped his eyes. “You can go now if you want, Andy,” he said. “You’re welcome to stay, but I know you probably don’t wa

As Orson looked at Wilbur, I could see his mind drift from what I’d done. His preoccupation with his next victim took precedence, and his eyes glazed over with predatory concentration. He walked across the room and returned with the sharpening stone. Then he sat down on the concrete and began sliding the knife blade against the stone, returning it to the razor edge it had held before Shirley Ta

“Staying or going?” he asked, looking up at me.

“I’m going,” I said, watching Wilbur watch the knife as it scraped across the stone for him. I wondered if Orson would make the knife speech after I left. Orson set the knife on the floor and walked me to the door. When he opened it, I gladly stepped outside. Wilbur strained his neck to see the desert, and Orson noticed.

“You interested in something out here, Wilbur?” he asked, turning around as I stood in the threshold. “Well, take a look,” he said. “Take a long, long look at that night sky, and the stars, and the moon, ’cause you’ll never see them again. Not ever.”