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Preparing to close the door on her.
Turning away from him completely, she pretended to lean against her hand so she could wipe the tears away without him seeing.
“Abby, don’t cry. Please, sweetheart. I’m so sorry. What I did just now was unforgiveable. I don’t know what came over me. It’s just... You were being so different, doing exactly the kind of thing Gabriella used to do. And I hated seeing you do that, be that. For me.”
He gripped the steering wheel, pain streaking all through his voice. “But that’s no excuse. I should’ve stopped. You confided in me about your need for control and I all but stripped that from you back there.” He sounded so appalled, so disgusted with himself, that her heart went out to him.
What was left of it at least.
All at once, it became too much.
As they rolled to a stop outside of his house, she shoved open the door and just started ru
His hand came slamming down on the door, preventing her quick getaway.
“Let me go, Co
He tipped her chin up, forcing her to look up at him, to see his tortured expression, to see his blue eyes as gray as they’ve ever been. “I never wanted to hurt you, Abby.”
“Then let me go. Because staying here for any more of your goodbyes is going to hurt me.” She dropped her head to his chest. “You were right. Are you happy? It is more humane to walk out like a thief in the night without saying goodbye. Because there is no way that could hurt any more than what I’m feeling right now.”
Hands fisting against his shirt, she whispered in anguish, “It didn’t have to be like this. You didn’t have to start pushing me away. We could have had our one last beautiful night together and gone our separate ways. Didn’t you believe I could do it?”
“You weren’t the one I was worried about, sweetheart,” he said quietly. His arms wrapped around her and pulled her in close. “Even knowing that tomorrow is going to be the hardest thing I’ll ever have to do, even knowing that I was a total ass who doesn’t deserve to spend another minute with you, even knowing that you make me want to be the man that’ll do what’s right and just let you go…I can’t. Not yet. If all I get are these last few hours with you, I still want them. God help me but I do.”
She couldn’t keep hearing him torture himself like this, denying them both the fantasy of a painless goodbye.
“I want those last few hours with you too, Co
* * * * *
AS HE KNOCKED on the door to his childhood home, it occurred to Co
There was a good chance he hadn’t even taken it with him when he’d moved away to college. An even better chance that he had taken it, and then thrown it out with the trash one day.
“Co
Co
She flinched.
Scrubbing a tired hand over his face, he tilted his head in apology. “I’m sorry mother, I’m just—”
“Can I help you with something?”
Her now utterly detached tone almost stopped him. But for some reason, he still managed to force out a quiet, “Actually…yes.”
That brought her gaze swinging back. “Really?” She looked so surprised that Co
“I want to know why you’re getting a divorce.”
Her face became a cold mask. “You’re the last person I thought would wonder over that. You know as well as I do that your father is a cheating bastard. A heartless bastard even without the cheating part.”
He studied the first signs of life he’d seen in his mother in a long while. “How long have you known?”
“Since the begi
For the first time ever, Co
He felt empathy.
For a woman who hadn’t felt strong enough to leave a marriage that was anything but, despite every cruelty her husband threw her way.
“Did you know going in? He says you knew. That it was all a part of the agreement.”
She twisted her fingers around her now bare ring finger. When had she taken her wedding band off? How long ago did she file for divorce? What kind of son is callous enough not to know these answers?
“I knew it was all business for him, yes, but I never knew it would be a life sentence of pain for me. One filled with loneliness, humiliation. Apathy.”
“You didn’t have to be lonely,” he said quietly. “You had me; you had Brian.”
His mother reeled back as if he’d slapped her.
And in a way he had.
Because before this, they’d never spoken about her lack of a role in his and Brian’s lives.
“It wasn’t that easy!” she exclaimed, showing actual emotion for the first time in what felt like forever. “Yes, of course I wanted to be there for you and Brian, shower you both with the love your father never cared to give. You were both my perfect miracles, both so strong and good—everything I wasn’t. But living with your father, getting through each day in this sham of a life...I couldn’t survive it without turning off my emotions. All of them. Because I couldn’t just pick and choose certain parts of my heart to reserve for you and Brian, and not risk the rest of it to get slaughtered and stripped away by your father.”
She gripped his forearm almost desperately. “You remember, Co
“So what’s changed?” he asked gently.
He had to know. Needed to know what could cause such a drastic change in a woman who’d made the choice every day for over thirty years to remain in her own personal hell.
“I fell in love.”
Co
Throughout his entire life, where his father had always been disparaging about love, his mother had seemed incapable of it, oblivious to it. And why wouldn’t she be? With a man like his father emptying her heart and making sure it remained that way.
After a long, cleansing breath, his mother began describing him then—her friend, the man who helped heal everything her husband had broken. The man who was waiting for her, apparently had been waiting for years.
For her to be free.
With each word, Co
“You are in love.” It was a statement, a fact. Even he could see it.
“It suits you,” he added simply, not knowing what else to say.
Helen’s hands squeezed his forearm in a gentle, motherly gesture he hadn’t thought she’d know to do. “It suits you, too.”
His eyes shot up to hers.
She gave him a sad smile. “I know. It’s hard, isn’t it? I fought it, too. Most people think that falling in love, being in love is so easy. But that’s because most people have had it, or do have it. That’s what family is supposed to be for, right? Your never-ending source of love? But you and I, we didn’t have it. How in the world your brother found it despite everything is beyond me.”