Outside the Lines

I let Dad’s words sink in and know he’s right. This won’t be the last time I say or do something stupid to piss Ben off either. “You’re right. Thanks, Dad. I actually feel better now.”

“Good.” He gives me a one-armed hug. “Now go upstairs and get some rest. It’s going to be a long day tomorrow.”

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

“How are you?” Erin asks softly.

“I’m okay, really,” I say, smiling to prove it. I just arrived at the venue, and snuck away to find Erin. She and her sisters just delivered the cake. Everything at the ceremony was beautiful, and the rain held off long enough for us to get a million pictures outside the church and in the garden.

Erin raises an eyebrow.

I sigh and wish the bar would open up already. “Okay, I’m sad. I miss Ben and I’m mad at myself. And there’s nothing like the uniting of two people to remind you how freaking alone you are, either.”

“If not Ben, you’ll find somebody else. Hey, maybe somebody here!”

“Maybe,” I say to appease her positive attitude. I’m still in that “there is no one in the world but Ben” phase. I decided to give myself a full week to feel sad, then force myself out of it. So, basically, I have until tomorrow. Might as well live it up, right? “I should probably go out there, huh?”

“Yeah,” Erin says, checking the time. “Your introductions will start soon.”

I wrinkle my nose. I walked in with Jake’s friend Teddy, who apparently has had a crush on me for years. I just found out today when he got drunk in the limo and spilled his guts as well as tried to cop a feel of my boobs.

“Hang in there,” she says. “And I’ll meet you at the bar as soon as it’s open.” She winks and links her arm though mine. I stay in the fancy lobby while she goes inside the hall to sit next to David. I’m the last bridesmaid to get in line, and Danielle gives me the stink-eye. It’s not like I made them late or anything.

Everyone wants to dance on their way in, and I awkwardly shake it just to fit in. Being the only one not dancing sticks out more, ya know. Thankfully, we get food first, then the speeches start. I just have to make it through the cake cutting and the first dance. Everything is so perfect and I’m really happy for my brother. Knowing Danielle puts up with his lazy ass and makes him so happy changes my mind about her a little more. I want to like her. After all, someday she’ll give birth to my nieces or nephews.

Once I can, I get up and go to the bar to order the “signature drink.” It’s something sweet and purple, and hardly tastes like alcohol.

This can be bad.

Erin and I talk for a while, then she and David hit the dance floor. I get a refill of my cocktail and look out at the happy couples holding each other close as they dance to Ed Sheeran’s Thinking Out Loud. The alcohol makes me vulnerable, so what do I do? Keep drinking. Because I’m a champion like that. When my eyes mist over and I’m missing Ben so badly it hurts, I slip outside, walking past the smokers crowding around the door who are quickly inhaling their toxic fumes before someone from the venue sees them. This place is all non-smoking.

I walk to the edge of the covered vestibule and sit on a bench. It’s raining, and dark. The lights in the parking lot are motion censored and no one has come or gone, probably due to the rain. Wind blows little misted droplets of water over my skin. I shiver and wrap my arms around myself and close my eyes.

I hate feeling sad. I hate feeling sorry for myself. But it’s a phase, right? Something everyone goes through after a breakup. I’ll get over it, I’ll move on, and I’ll find someone right for me. Maybe I should really look into online dating…

The rain comes down harder, falling in sheets and flooding the pavement. Thunder rolls over and lightning flashes in the distance. I shiver again and am about to stand and get up when a light turns on in the back of the parking lot. I stare at it, thinking it’s odd that I didn’t hear a car drive up. My mind flashes to Supernatural and Doctor Who, and I wish my life was exciting like that. No time for love or broken hearts. Just rocketing through life at a hundred miles an hour saving people, hunting things … You get the idea.

I sigh and shake my head at myself. I need to be my own hero. Take matters into my own hands and find my own damn happiness. I had before. I can do it again. I turn to leave and a dark shadow catches my eye.

Okay, I really didn’t mean what I just thought. I have no weapons to battle demons or Weeping Angels right now. Then I realize it’s none of those. My mouth goes dry and my heart hammers. It’s worse than fictional characters. Worse, because I have no idea what’s going to happen.

My eyes are wide and time stands still as he walks through the parking lot, umbrella held close to his body but doing little good to keep the blowing rain away. He’s just feet from me and I start to shake.

“Felicity,” Ben says, air leaving his lungs in a whoosh. The umbrella goes slack in his hands when our eyes lock. He slows like he’s shocked to see me, like he’s not expecting to face the reality just yet either. He’s yards away and suddenly I can’t take it.

I run to him, rain rolling down my skin, heels splashing in puddles. He drops the umbrella and pulls me in, lips crushing against mine. He holds onto me like I’m the last woman in the world, like I’m the only one who can keep him together.

And I hold him even tighter.

“Ben,” I whisper, cupping my hands around his face. “What … why…” I stumble over my words. “You’re here.”

“I’m so sorry,” he says.

“No, don’t be. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything I said and I—”

He cuts me off with another kiss. He lifts me up and cradles my head into his face, kissing me as hard as he can. We break apart and move under the awning.

“I tried to call you,” he says, taking both my hands in his.

“My phone,” I start and realize I’m not even sure where it is. In the bridal sweet, I think.

“It’s okay,” he says. “I didn’t expect you to answer.”

I look at his handsome face, tears in my eyes. Was he really here? Did I imagine this, or maybe drink too much and pass out?

“Let’s talk,” Ben says and takes his jacket off, draping it around my shoulders. I pull it closed, scared talking might lead to a final goodbye. “I shouldn’t have left like that and—”

“And I shouldn’t have said those things,” I interrupt. “I’m sorry, Ben. I’m so, so sorry.”

“I know,” he says and wraps an arm around me.

“I don’t really think you’re a man whore.”

He chuckles. “Good. And I never got the wrong impression about you. I can’t say I’ve never slept with someone after one date, but I’ve never felt so much passion for anyone before. You’re all I wanted, all I could think about.”

Past tense. Am I overanalyzing again? I close my eyes, pushing back tears. “That’s how I feel about you, and it scared me. Because I didn’t know why you’d feel the same about me. I’m not fancy or put together or on time for anything. I’m just a nerd. I’m not the kind of woman you deserve.”

“I don’t look at you and see a nerd or anything else. I look at you and see Felicity, a beautiful woman who isn’t afraid to let others dictate her life.” He puts his hand on the side of my cheek and tips my head up to him. “I don’t understand why you think you’re nothing special. I’ve never met anyone like you, and I don’t think I ever will again. I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want a day to go by that I’m not kissing you, fucking you, waking up next to you and telling you I love you.”

“You really do love me?”

“I do.”

He kisses me, and warmth flows through my entire body. Everything disappears and it’s just us, wind, rain, and storm swirling in the distance.

“Why?” I ask, needing to know.

Ben gives me his famous grin. “Isn’t it obvious?”