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“Yeah,” he said, sounding bored. “But you don’t care about that.” There was a laugh in his voice that I hadn’t heard before and when I glanced at him, I blinked twice, trying not to wonder why he was staring at me.
But, he did have me pegged. I really didn’t care that much about football. “Can’t deny it.”
The patio was a little cluttered, a task I’d handle later in the week, and as I ticked off where the towels and barbeque utensils could be stored, Ransom nudged my leg, bringing my attention back to him.
He pointed to the leg rest on his chair, bending his knee to make room for me. “Stop thinking of shit you’re going to work on out here and sit.”
“Nah, I need to get back home. Early class in the morning.”
He sighed, completely ignored me and pulled me onto the chair with a tug on my wrist. “It’s not even midnight. Sit down and talk to me a little.”
And I did, because he’d asked. I did because even then, a handful of voice lessons into our rehearsals, before that kiss in the studio, Ransom had me. He’d had me with a head nod. He’d had me with a smile that I knew he hadn’t meant. I was pathetic and weak and because I was, I sat next to Ransom and we watched the lake together, not speaking much, not doing anything but keeping each other’s quiet company.
“You sounded good on Wednesday,” he finally said when I thought he might have nodded off. “Your voice is so much stronger now.”
“Thanks.” There wasn’t much to say and no need to disagree. I felt like I was better and I knew it was because of him. But, he didn’t need me to stroke his ego.
“You nervous about the audition?” I nodded, moving my gaze off the water and onto his face as he leaned back against the chair. His features were soft just then, relaxed and I didn’t think I’d ever seen him look more beautiful. There wasn’t any worry tensing up his expression and I’d have given anything to keep him that beautiful, that free of the shit dragging him down. “You want me to go?”
“You don’t have to bother, Ransom,” I said, not wanting to ask more from him than he’d already given.
“Hey.” His fingers on my hand, curling around my thumb felt warm, safe and when my gaze flashed to his, I said a silent prayer that he wouldn’t pull his hand away. “I wa
“Shut up,” I said, rolling my eyes at him.
“I don’t mind, Aly. I really don’t.”
I thought I did. I thought him being there, being what I focused on, would distract me because I needed to sing my kontantman. And he didn’t know, not then, not nearly two months later, Ransom had no idea that when I sang, it wasn’t the lyrics or melody that made me sing my joy. It was him. Only him. He was my joy.
“Yeah,” I’d said, watching the water again, too scared that if I looked at him, he’d see everything I wanted to keep hidden. “Yeah, I want you there.”
Present
He didn’t show.
I stood on that stage, bunching up the side of my dress between my fingers, knowing that I’d leave wrinkles, sca
But I come from a long line of fierce women. My gra
He doesn’t matter right now, I heard my Gra
And so I didn’t look at the audience when I sang. I didn’t do anything but smile at the small table in front of the stage and the men and women who held clipboards in front of them. I sang about wild horses, because I was one. I sang from my belly, because that’s where my passion burned the deepest. I sang with my head held high, with my voice sharp and loud and lulling because that’s what Ransom had taught me. I didn’t sing for him or those judges. I sang for me and the tomorrow I wanted.
For the first time in my life, I sang with a joy that was self-induced.
And I was good.
When the clapping and cheers died down and I’d returned the smiles given to me at that front table, I left the stage feeling good, better than I had in days. I had nailed that audition. I’d nail the dance audition the next week. But reality loomed and I needed to be back at the studio for my first practice with Tommy. It was my hurry and that leftover accomplishment drunk that distracted me when I walked to the parking lot and saw Lea
I’d blown her off the other day, not really eager to confess what I’d done to Ransom or why. Lea
“Hey,” she said, pulling her attention away from her phone as I approached. “That was fucking glorious.” She nodded toward the auditorium.
“You heard my audition?”
When Lea
“Lea
“I don’t say that just to say it, you know.” My body swayed a little when Lea
I couldn’t look at her, not directly. My eyes had gone too blurry. “I thought, maybe you were mad at me, because I quit on Keira.”
“Oh, Aly, I know why you quit.”
“No, Lea
That smile was wide, a little wicked. “You love Ransom. He loves you but he is such a knuckle head and can’t let go of the past and you, sweetheart, aren’t the type of woman who likes walking behind shadows.” She squeezed my hand. “Or ghosts.”
“I really screwed up,” I told her, ignoring the frown she gave me. “I screwed up bad, Lea