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Feeling guilty I set up this date without talking to Je
“Dance with me,” he says later.
I meet his eyes. “Are you serious?”
“Yeah, why not? You’ve been moving in your chair for the past half an hour,” he teases.
“Fine, why not?” I accept more just because he said it so much like a dare.
I take his hand and we dance. The fast moving songs have my heart racing like I’m ru
When the night is over, he walks me to my car.
“I had fun.”
“Me too,” I say.
After I click the lock on my car, he opens the door so I can get inside. For the craziest of moments, I wonder if he will kiss me. The moment passes and he doesn’t. So I drive away and get back to my daily life.
~A year and four months after Drew~
“You’re finally going out with him tonight?” Je
“It was last minute. His date canceled. He asked if I could go with him.” Then I add, “as friends,” before Je
“Friends my ass.”
“Je
“But you like him.”
It’s the first time I hesitate in my response. “I don’t think I’m ready. Drew—”
Je
Her words still bounce in my head as I drink my glass of wine. When he turns his back, I down the rest and give the empty glass to the waiter.
When he turns back to me, I feel the need to fill the space. “You know everyone,” I say, nervous for the first time.
“My parents know everyone and thus they know me.”
“Your family and Je
Je
“It’s tough sometimes, like tonight when I would rather be talking to you than some stuffed shirt who knows my dad or mom.”
I find myself staring at his lips while he talks. I wave a hand at my face suddenly feeling flushed.
“Are you hot? Do you want to want to walk out on the terrace?”
I nod frantically because I can’t stop staring and it’s stupid.
He takes my hand and leads me outside. The night is cool and we stand by the marble railing staring out into the night. We start to talk at the same time.
“No, you go ahead,” I say.
He seems to take a breath. “Cate, I’ll be honest with you. I’m glad you’re here with me and not someone else.”
“Really?”
“I like you, Cate. I think I like you more than you’re ready to hear. And I’ve tried to be patient and not push, but Cate—”
It might be the wine, but I move in and silence him with my lips. I press them to his and savor the moment for a second. His hand snakes behind my back and I start to feel warm all over. It has to be the wine. Three glasses might have been the courage I needed.
When I pull back his eyes are heavy on mine. “Cate—”
I shake my head. “I want this. I want you, if you’ll have me.” I take his hand. I’ve known him for almost a year and a half. This isn’t rushed, my subconscious tells me. We’ve taken time to get to know each other. And I need to know. I need to know if I can move on. “Let’s see if they have a room.”
He stops and holds my hand so I can’t move toward the doors.
“Are you sure? I can wait.” He scrubs a hand through his hair. “Hell, I have been waiting.”
His words puzzle me for a second.
“You had a girlfriend?”
He shakes his head. “I had a girl. She was more than a friend but not by much. And maybe that was my fault because I’ve been infatuated with you since the first time I saw you. It was the wrong time, so I backed off. Now—”
“Now you’re talking too much. Let’s just see where this goes.”
When I wake up in the morning with him naked in the sheets, I completely freak out. I get dressed while he sleeps and I rush out without saying goodbye.
~A year and seven months after Drew~
It takes Je
He finally coaxes me out to have lunch with him. He’s been understanding, letting things take a step back in a slower gear. I’m grateful for that. I still feel somewhat guilty for feeling anything for anyone other than my late husband, Drew McKnight.
Yet, Drew Mercer makes it impossible not to have a good time. He’s telling me horror stories about working at the hospital.
“I walked into the patient’s room without knocking. Mind you, he’s a ninety year old man, and his wife was in there with him.” Drew’s brow rises. “The two of them were getting it on like they were newlyweds. I have to say, it gives me hope for the future.”
“He was in his nineties?” I ask.
He nods. “And she was probably in her late eighties.”
He gives a shudder but laughs. We’re both cracking up while enjoying an afternoon eating outside at a bistro when I see Ben.
Je
“I can’t,” I say, my mood changing lightning fast.
“What?”
My face feels flushed as I suddenly feel out of breath and I know I appear like a crazed bipolar patient off their meds. “I can’t do this. I’m not ready. How can I possibly be happy when he’s in the ground?”
“Cate, please.” He reaches for me. For the briefest second, I pause. “I think I’ve fallen in love with you.”
His words only catapult me from my seat because I’m starting to fall myself. How can I possibly take that leap with someone else? I belong to Drew. I bolt from the restaurant and from his life. I ignore his calls. I refuse to see him.
Weeks later when my boss offers me the transfer of a lifetime, I know I have to take it. I can move to DC and start fresh in a new city where memories of my Drew won’t haunt me.
“You can’t move without telling him,” Je
She’s right. Yet, I can’t talk to him either. He doesn’t deserve what I did to him. He’s been nothing but good to me. So I write him a letter explaining that I’m leaving town. I ask for his forgiveness and for his understanding. I leave with strict instructions to Je
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