Return Once More

I put out my hand, stopping her as she went for her personal comp. “No. After earlier, I’m not sure what we can research without arousing more suspicion. Let’s just think about it for a few days, and if we don’t come up with anything, ask Sarah to help us get around the system security.”

“If she forgives you by then.”

For all of her meek exterior, Analeigh was always on my side. Perhaps not where Caesarion was concerned, but as far as things went with the goings-on at the Academy. And Oz.

Since he and I had yet another “date” first thing in the morning, I might as well give talking to him a shot.

It couldn’t be a worse idea than kissing him.

Chapter Twenty-Two

The next morning dawned far too early, and since Oz and I were summoned to the private sanction before breakfast, sleeping in qualified as a pipe dream.

I rose twenty minutes before the alarm, deciding to take Analeigh’s advice to try again to talk the truth out of Oz. I brushed my teeth and threw my long hair into a crooked bun on top of my head, then slid into my familiar apprentice uniform. An attack of chills led me to grab my warm brown sweater at the last minute.

The halls were empty because all sane people were snoozing the morning away. The door to the room Oz shared with Levi opened before I’d had the chance to work out what to say, or knock, and Oz stepped into the hallway. I watched him before he saw me standing off to one side, my heart stopping at the sight of a light bruise blooming across his jaw. He stretched his arms above his head, groaning a little as his joints popped and sleep-stiff muscles worked loose. His black hair was wet from a shower and curled around his ears, and the rings around his eyes suggested he hadn’t slept much better than I did.

“Good morning,” I said, loud enough to startle him. Unable to tear my eyes away from his marred face.

“Kaia,” he said, recovering quickly. “I didn’t know you were capable of getting up before the last possible second.”

It took me a minute to react to the unexpected, good-natured teasing. “Have you been body snatched by someone with a sense of humor? Because I need to talk to the old Oz about why he changed James Puckle’s trajectory.” I watched him carefully for any nonverbal response, but the only one I got was a quick flicker of determination in his eyes.

“There’s no reason for you to worry.”

“Oz. That’s not what you said last night. You said there were things I didn’t understand, that I should leave it alone.” I paused, watching him seriously. “And that bruise on your jaw? That makes me worry.”

“You don’t need to worry about me.” He glared, but fear lurked behind his eyes. “I did a lot of things last night I shouldn’t have done.”

The reminder of our kiss heated my cheeks and made it easier to ignore the proof that things with his father had gotten out of hand. Easier to stop wondering if it was the first time, knowing it couldn’t be. It was stupid to be so embarrassed about that kiss anyway, to let it affect me. It hadn’t meant anything, and it wasn’t like I’d never been kissed before, and by much more effective lips.

“You shouldn’t have kissed me, but—”

“I didn’t enjoy it, I promise you.”

I glared at him. It was better than kicking him in his balls, which was my first inclination. “I was going to say, before the new smartass version of Oz came out to play, that I appreciate the bailout. Also, you should know that I told Sarah.”

“You what? Why would you do that?” He turned green, like he might heave all over my sneakers any second.

At least we hadn’t eaten yet.

“She and Analeigh knew something happened. She saw me run after you like some kind of lovesick stalker, and it’s not like the rumor mill isn’t going to be churning with the news of our sanction this morning, anyway. Would you rather we lied about it like there’s something to hide?”

His face fell and I almost felt sorry for him. Whatever else was going on, Oz clearly cared about Sarah and their relationship. After meeting Caesarion, I understood. The thought of disappointing him or making him hurt, even unintentionally, twisted my heart into a knot. It softened me toward this boy whose secrets were an infuriating source of dangerous intrigue.

“I had to tell her, Oz. I mean, maybe you and I each have something to hide, but we don’t have anything to hide. And that’s what she would have thought.”

He nodded, eyes downcast. “Thank you for telling me.”

We moved down the hall toward the wing that held the Elders’ offices. The space where judicial panels were held sprang off Zeke’s office, the rooms sort of modeled after a courtroom or judges’ chambers on Earth Before.

“I didn’t enjoy kissing you either, you know,” I added, even though it sounded defensive. I just couldn’t let him think I’d been all weak in the knees over his dorky lips.

Oz shot me a wry smile. “Noted.”

“What did they say to you after I left?”

That one question changed the air between us, folded it up and sucked it into a black hole until we might as well be standing on opposite sides of the System. Oz’s face shuttered, all of the ope

“Oz. Please. I know something’s going on. We might only be apprentices but we’re still Historians. We protect the past. Ensure the future.”

“Since when do you take duty and oaths seriously, Kaia?”

The stinging insult flung hard into my gut. The hours spent with Caesarion tried to hammer me with guilt, but those impulsive visits didn’t negate my belief in this institution. “I may not always follow the rules, Oz, but I wouldn’t put the future of humanity at stake.”

“But I would?” he challenged.

“I don’t know. Would you?”

Oz shook his head, refusing to look at me. “You don’t know anything.”

“If you’re not putting us in danger, then you must be able to predict trajectories. To know for sure the effects you are creating. How?” I tried hard to keep the desperation from my voice, but the flicker in his gaze said he’d heard it.

“That’s impossible. Your imagination is getting the best of you. Again.”

He was lying. Like calls to like, in science and in life. To my untruthful brain, untruths sang loud and clear.

“Jonah said something dangerous is going on at the Academy. I think you know what it is.”

“I thought you hadn’t spoken to him since he left?”

“You’re determined that I’m not special enough to be privy to your secrets, so why should you be privy to mine?”

“Your brother is a delinquent and a criminal. If anyone is a danger to the continued validity of the System, it’s him.”

This was going nowhere. He wouldn’t admit he knew anything about a project that was a secret from the apprentices. Jonah had insinuated that the Elders—well, at least Zeke—were behind it. So, how did Oz, not even a full Historian yet, fit in?

In a last-ditch effort, I reached out and wrapped my fingers around his strong, pale forearm, dragging him to a stop. His skin pricked under my palm before he pulled away as though my touch pained him.

“Oz. If you need help, you can trust me.”

His rain-cloud eyes grew heavy, as though holding tight to a storm of confessions that begged to break free. I hoped my own dark brown gaze urged him to give in, said I could be his friend, because it was true. If for no other reason than to help Sarah, I would be Oz’s friend in this—whatever that meant.

I found that, after everything, I did care about him and not just because of how his fate intertwined with my friend’s. Our history did indeed count for something.

After what seemed like an eternity, but probably lasted only a minute or less, he shook his head. Black chunks of hair flopped in front of his glasses, and he raked it back with his long fingers. “I can’t trust anyone,” he said softly, before turning and walking the last few steps to the judgment chamber alone.