Mama Gets Trashed

Talking on his cell phone, he wasn’t paying attention. “Sorry, hang on,’’ he said into the phone. “What are you doing?’’ He stared at me, as I’d folded myself nearly in two to get under the dashboard.

“Get down, I said!’’

“Yoo-hoo, Henry!’’ The horn on Mama’s convertible tooted. “It’s Aunt Rosalee.’’

My cousin ended his phone conversation, too late. Our cover was blown. “Way to go, Henry.’’

It was 11:50 am. We were staked out in the parking lot of the radio station. I heard the familiar rumble of Mama’s vintage car as she pulled up beside us. If Ke

I hopped out of the van.

“Where’d you come from, Mace?’’

I opened the driver’s door of her car, and talked fast. “Scoot over. We have to hurry. It has to do with Ke

I gave her a little push, and to my surprise she moved. With the minutes ticking away until Ke

“Henry and I set up a fake radio contest to lure Ke

Gu

“We don’t want him to spot us, so we’re going to have to hurry back and get in Henry’s van. How’d you come to see us, by the way?’’

“I was driving past. I just picked up my car from Juan’s Auto Repair and Taco Shop.’’

I eased her big blue boat in between the dumpsters and turned off the key. Cla-clunk, cla-clunk, cla-clunk.

“Engine’s still knocking,’’ I said as I opened the door.

“That’s not the only thing that’ll be knocking once I see my cheating son-in-law.’’

Setting her mouth in a grim line, Mama gathered up her pineapple-sherbet purse and marched back to the parking lot of the radio station.

_____

Henry watched the street entrance from the driver’s seat. Mama was in the passenger seat. I was stretched out in the back, waiting for the word that one of them had sighted Ke

“Is there any chance we can patch things up between them by Saturday?’’ Mama said. “I’d hate to see all those party plans Maddie’s been working on just go down the drain.’’

Henry caught my eye in the rear-view mirror. I hadn’t told Mama or Marty that Ke

“Saturday doesn’t seem likely,’’ Henry said, with lawyerly understatement.

“How long do you think it was going on?’’

“We’re not sure, Mama. He’d lost weight, bought those spiffy clothes, and took up golf. All that made Maddie suspicious. The more she investigated, the guiltier he looked.’’

Mama’s eyes took on a faraway glaze. “With Husband No. 2, it was cologne. That man would usually go around smelling like the bottom of a dirty laundry basket. I always knew he’d started ru

I remembered. When No. 2 got ready to go out at night, there’d be cigarette ashes in their bathroom sink and wet towels all over the floor. The moist air would smell like clouds at the men’s fragrance counter of a department store at Christmas.

“Heads up,’’ Henry said. “Here comes his truck.’’

Our plan was to let Ke

I didn’t expect Ke

He eased his truck into a spot at the far end of the lot, where he could have vacant spaces on either side. Ke

“What in the hell?’’ Henry muttered.

“Would you look at that!’’ Mama said.

“Let me see.” I popped up my head between the two of them to get a better view out the front windshield. Ke

“Let’s go get him,’’ I said.

Henry and Mama hurtled out the front of the car. I lost some time, looking for the safety button to slide open the minivan’s automatic door. I caught up with them midway across the lot.

“Stop right where you are, Ke

I thought he might run. Instead, he turned slowly. He looked at Henry, whose big fists were clenched at his side. Henry may have added a bit of fat over the years, but he still had a lot of the muscle and speed of the high school wrestler he’d once been. Ke

“Are y’all going to kill me?’’ he asked.

“I ought to,’’ Henry answered.

I raised the iron, touched it lightly to Ke

Mama put her hand over mine, lowering my makeshift weapon. “There’s no need for violence, Mace. Ke

She turned to him, eyes searching his face. “Surely there’s an explanation for all this? You don’t just throw away more than twenty years of marriage.’’

He hung his head. The ridiculous shag-cut wig formed a curtain over his face.

Henry was blunt. “Are you involved with the swingers’ club at the golf course? Is that what all of this is about?’’

“How’s a club to practice your golf swing related to anything, Henry?” Exasperation edged Mama’s words. “Let’s stay on the topic.’’

Ke

I mean … I …”

“My goodness, Ke

My cousin and I exchanged a look. “Are you going to tell Mama it’s a different kind of swinging, or should we?’’ I asked Ke

Silently, he shook his head.

Henry and I took turns revealing to her what we’d discovered: About the sexual swingers’ club; how the mayor and his wife were members; that Jason, the pro, and Angel, the barmaid, were also involved.

Mama’s face had paled. The heavy purse hung forgotten from one limp arm.

“The reason Henry asked if Ke

Throughout, Ke

“I know who you were cheating with,’’ I said.

His head shot up. He slid off the sunglasses to look at me.