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Miss Information blinked.
“You haven’t thought this out, have you?” the orb asked.
“Never mind all that! Let’s get started, shall we?” She stopped at a large screen mounted on the wall and tapped a button on its side. It lit up with the image of a pretty girl no more than twelve years old. She had large mahogany eyes and wore a plaid skirt and a matching sweater with a griffin logo.
“My data bank tells me that this is Tessa Lipton, daughter of the president of the United States,” the orb said.
“I know. We’re going to kidnap her.”
“A second search reveals the criminal penalty for kidnapping the child of a government official is life in prison.”
“Oh, don’t be a party pooper, Benjy,” Miss Information said. “This is going to be superfun!”
To avoid confusion, Ruby had created a chart to ensure that she was never late for school.
6:45
WAKE UP, TURN OFF ALARM CLOCK
6:50
TAKE ALLERGY MEDICINE
6:55
SHOWER
7:05
TOWEL-DRY/ATTEMPT TO DETANGLE KINKY HAIR
7:10
CHECK TIME TO MAKE SURE SCHEDULE IS WORKING
7:15
GIVE UP ON KINKY HAIR, GET DRESSED
7:25
SAY GOOD MORNING TO PARENTS (NOTE: FRANCIS AND SARAH) AND BABY BROTHER (NOAH)
7:27
PET THE DOG (TRUMAN) THEN LET HIM OUT THE BACK DOOR TO DO HIS “BUSINESS”
7:28
PARTICIPATE IN LIGHT CHITCHAT/BONDING WITH FAMILY
7:35
EAT BREAKFAST
7:50
DOUBLE CHECK TIME TO INSURE SCHEDULE IS BEING MAINTAINED
7:55
FLOSS AND BRUSH
8:00
MAKE SECOND ATTEMPT AT DETANGLING HAIR
8:10
SURRENDER TO FUTILITY OF KINKY HAIR, GATHER BELONGINGS
8:15
PUT ON COAT, BOOTS, HAT, MITTENS, AND SCARF (WINTER SCHEDULE)
8:20
MORE CHITCHAT WITH FAMILY; GOOD-BYE HUGS AND KISSES
8:30
DEPART FOR SCHOOL
Unfortunately, her family had a way of smashing her plans with a wrecking ball and then setting them on fire. At 6:55, when she should have been showering, she heard a calamity in the kitchen she could not ignore. Grumbling, she padded through the house and found Sarah burning scrambled eggs while talking on the phone. Francis was attempting to spoon-feed Noah while trying to knot his necktie with his free hand, and Truman, the family terrier, was throwing himself against the back door with a panicked whine.
Ruby sighed and took charge. She let the dog out. Then she turned and took the frying pan from Sarah, replacing it with a container of orange juice, and spi
She snatched a roll of paper towels off the counter and went to work cleaning the baby food off Noah and everything else within five yards of him. Ruby took the tie from her father, wrapped it around her own neck, and tied it for him. Then she went back to the eggs for a quick stir, tossed some cheese on them, gave them a flip, and served them onto three plates. When the glasses were full of juice, Ruby guided her mother to her seat, then gave her a butter knife and pointed her toward a fresh stack of toast while she poured coffee into both of her parents’ oversize mugs.
“Did you get any sleep last night?” her father asked her while attempting to insert a spoon full of creamed rice into Noah’s mouth. The little boy’s lips were clamped shut like a vise.
“Just a little tired,” Ruby said. The truth was she was exhausted and felt like she was shuffling around like a zombie. After her mission on the train, she felt that she needed at least a week of solid sleep to recover, but she couldn’t tell her parents about it. Though she felt icky lying to them, she truly believed that keeping them in the dark also kept them safe. “Try the choo-choo trick.”
Francis smiled. “What would we do without you, Ruby?”
“You’d be up to your ears in dirty diapers and the house would be on fire,” Ruby said.
Just then, she let out a terrible sneeze.
“Honey, did you take your allergy medicine?” Sarah asked.
“I’ll take care of it right now,” Ruby said, excusing herself from the table and rushing to the bathroom. She locked the door and squeezed her nose. “Pufferfish here.”
The principal sounded agitated. “Kid, I need you and the team here pronto. We’ve got a national emergency.”
“What’s new? I suppose it’s another insane plot by Ms. Holiday?”
There was an uncomfortable silence on the other end. No one liked to think their biggest enemy had once been one of their best friends.
“Just hurry, and if you happen to have a pleated skirt, bring it with you.”
“A pleated skirt?”
The com-link disco
The principal sounded panicked. Tired as she was, she knew she had to put her morning into high gear. She opened the bathroom door, prepared to race to her room to get dressed, but she was stopped by her mother waiting on the other side.
“I need you home on time tonight, Ruby. No excuses,” Sarah said. “The entire family is coming in two days for our a
Ruby groaned. “All seven thousand of them? They aren’t staying here, are they?”
“Sure, because I’m trying to blow up the house,” her mother said with a laugh. “You know we can’t keep all the Protestants and Jews in the same house for longer than an hour before a holy war starts. Don’t worry—your father booked them into a hotel. But we’re hosting a couple big di
“You’re trying to distract me from this insane inconvenience with my love of making lists,” Ruby grumbled.
Sarah smiled. “If you want to be in this family, you have to have an appetite for chaos. Come home right after school.”
“Fine, but I have some rules. The little ones have to stay out of my room. They’re like ferrets going through my drawers, pulling things out, and dragging them all over the house,” Ruby said. “I have a system.”
“OK.”
“And I absolutely insist that everyone read the visitors handbook I made for the house, especially the part about how to use the remote control for the television. Remember last year, when Grandpa Saul got his hands on it? Pandemonium.”
“Deal!” Sarah said, throwing her arms around her daughter and hugging her tight.