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“Ben?” Molly asked.
Mr. Choi smiled. “I’m all for it. Anything that gets Matilda out of those ragamuffin clothes and combat boots she likes so much. Look at her. What a beauty! I say yes.”
Molly’s eyes narrowed and a disapproving crease appeared in between her brows. She shook her head, then stood up and left the room.
“I’m sorry, Ms. Holiday,” Ben said as he got up from his chair. “Matilda’s mother and I rarely see eye to eye these days, but I have to respect her choices even if I don’t agree.”
Ms. Holiday watched as Mr. Choi followed Molly out of the room. “Alexander is going to roar. It drives him nuts that he needs a parent’s permission to send an agent out to save the world.”
“Maybe the Hyena can go in my place,” Matilda said, trying not to look too happy.
Just then, Molly returned with something under her arm. “You ca
Ms. Holiday swallowed hard.
Matilda and Agent Brand sat outside the YMCA in Arlington, Virginia. A steady stream of pretty girls stepped through a set of double doors for the tryouts for Team Strikeforce, the elite Junior East Coast Division cheerleading squad that the NERDS believed Gerdie had joined. A thousand girls like Matilda had come from all over the country for what was rumored to be nine vacant spots. Unlike Matilda, they were full of pep and smiles. She wanted to punch them all in the face. She hated her skirt flapping on her legs. She hated the hour it had taken to do her hair and makeup. She hated the pains in her cheeks from smiling. If she was going undercover, it should have been as a bullfighter or a luchador! It didn’t help that these girls went through the doors to the auditorium happy and high-spirited, only to come out sobbing into their hands. It made Matilda nervous. Not about failing or even looking foolish—she sort of expected that. No, she was worried about feeding one of her fists to the judges. Whatever they were saying to the hopefuls was brutal. She hadn’t seen so much blubbering since the time she challenged the men of the Alpha Sigma Phi fraternity to a punch fight.
Mr. Brand seemed even more nervous than Matilda. Most of the time the former spy was unflappable. Matilda had heard he once fought off a dozen assassins with only his fists and a bottle of champagne. But today he kept tapping the heel of his right shoe on the marble floor like a jackhammer. Perhaps he was just uncomfortable out of his tuxedo. Today, to keep a low profile, he was dressed in linen pants and a white shirt.
“Why isn’t the Hyena here to give me pointers?” Matilda said, hoping to distract the spy from his tapping. “You weren’t a cheerleader, were you?”
Mr. Brand shook his head. “The Hyena has other responsibilities.”
“Yeah? What are those, exactly?”
Brand stiffened. “Sorry, but you don’t have security clearance for that kind of information.”
Wheezer was stu
Brand’s face told her not to press the issue. The Hyena’s mission was a secret for another day.
“Ms. Holiday cheered in college. Why didn’t she come?”
“Ms. Holiday was transferred to the team just days before the Mathlete’s mom moved them to Ohio. They spent very little time together, but if Gerdie were to recognize Lisa, our plan would fail,” Brand said.
“Oh, she’s Lisa, now?”
Brand blushed. “Ms. Holiday and I have become … friends.”
“Friends that kiss and hug?”
Matilda could tell the man was uncomfortable. He kept tugging at his collar as if it were strangling him.
“Ms. Holiday sent along a list of tips and a cookie,” he said, shoving them into her hands.
Matilda quickly put the cookie aside. Ms. Holiday was a wonderful lady, but her baking bordered on dangerous. The cookie was as hard as a manhole cover. She opened the letter. “‘Dear Matilda, Here is my best advice for your tryout. First, you have to be positive. No one wants to see a grouchy cheerleader.’”
“She told me to practice smiling with you,” Brand said. “Flash me your best smile.”
Matilda smiled.
Agent Brand cringed.
“What?”
“You’re supposed to look happy when you smile.”
“Well, give me something to smile about.”
“Think about ponies. Girls love ponies, right?”
Matilda frowned. “I don’t.”
“Ribbons?”
“Uh-uh.”
“Doll babies?”
“I’m almost twelve!”
“Then what do you like?”
“Hmm … demolitions, explosions, bonfires,” Matilda said. “I like to watch barroom brawls. I love sports that involve an ax and pretty much anything to do with pro wrestling!”
“I see,” Brand said. “Imagine you and one of these pro wrestlers went to the park. What a beautiful day it is. The sun is shining. There isn’t a cloud in the—”
“And we found some bullies and gave them all head butts! While they were dazed, I climbed up in a tree and leaped onto their heads for a superatomic dog. Then, when they were down, we smashed a steel chair across their backs!”
“Why was there a steel chair in the park?” Brand asked. Then he sighed. “It doesn’t matter. What’s important is that you are smiling, but you might want to work on it. I suspect they don’t want a cheerleader who looks like she’s an escaped mental patient.”
Matilda glared and then returned to Ms. Holiday’s list. “‘Second, make eye contact with the judges. They want to feel like you are cheering right to them.’”
“Eye contact, right,” Brand said. “Remember what we taught you in your spy training. Looking someone in the eye can elicit a sense of trust and welcoming.”
“Really? ’Cause I’ve been using it to intimidate people. You should see how it works on dogs! They run off like they’ve seen the devil.”
“Keep reading.”
“‘The third thing is play up your strengths,’” Matilda read. “What are my strengths?”
She could tell Brand wasn’t comfortable with giving compliments. “You are a gifted athlete. Use your acrobatic skills. Also, try to turn some of that happy energy you have when you knock out someone’s teeth into a positive expression of hope and joy. If that doesn’t help, I had the brains at the Playground build you something.”
He pulled a briefcase from beneath their seat. Inside were four brand-new asthma inhalers and a leather belt with tiny slots to hold them.
“What are these?” Matilda asked, gazing at them with wonder.
“Specialty inhalers.”
Matilda strapped the belt around her waist. “And a utility belt! I’m like an asthmatic Batman!”
“These might come in handy on this mission. The blue set acts as an underwater breathing apparatus. There’s enough concentrated air in them to keep you alive for six hours. You never know when something like that might come in handy. The green set is what we hope will help you today. One squeeze of the plunger and it’ll lift you off the ground.”
“Um … I have a set that does that already.”
“Not like these. These are stealth inhalers. No explosions. No rocket flames. They’re whisper-quiet. You will be able to jump, backflip, and somersault higher than any of the other girls. Gluestick says that a long pump could allow you to reach the observation platform of the Empire State Building, not that you’ll need that today.”
“Very cool, but it does feel like we’re cheating, Mr. Brand,” Matilda said.
“All is fair in love and national security. What else is in the letter?”
Matilda turned her attention back to Ms. Holiday’s notes. “It says, ‘No wooing’?”