M Is for Mama's Boy

Then Simon and his paid muscle, along with the squirrels, would climb out of the tree fortress and set off to rob a bank, leaving Albert alone with his mother. This was the part of the day that Albert really hated.

“I tell you, Albert. You are ten thousand times smarter than that kid. Does he really think he can rule the world? You should be in charge of this whole operation,” his mama said.

“Mama, it’s his plan and he’s paying for everything,” Albert argued.

Mama shrugged. “A waste of money if you ask me. Albert, I appreciate your loyalty but I’m just saying, if you hear someone knocking on the door, that’s opportunity.”

“Are you telling me I should betray him?”

“Shhhhhhhh!” Mama cried. “You have no idea if one of those furry little tree rats is up in the branches. I swear they understand him when he talks.”

“Mama, I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” Albert said. “You’re meddling, just like you did when I was a kid.”

“I never meddled!”

Albert was stu

“You are so naive,” Mama said, slamming her pot of oatmeal down on the table. “What kind of money does a superhero make? Is there a retirement plan? Do you get medical insurance? Dental? Do you even get a parking space or a cubicle? We’re talking about the future, Albert! You are almost forty years old. You can either buckle down with a job that will give you control over the whole world or run around in long underwear wondering how you’re going to pay the gas bill!”

Albert frowned. His mama just didn’t understand, but that’s not what bothered him. He had been dreaming about being a hero for twenty-five years, and in only a few short days he had turned to a life of crime. Ruling the world? The thought made him shudder. Had he really sunk that low? He was no better than Two-Face or Lex Luthor. He was helping an evil genius. Simon shouldn’t have been his employer. He should have been his nemesis.

Albert pushed his disappointment from his mind and flipped on his computer. He had to get to work, and today he was on the hunt. He typed the word “diamonds” into the search engine. For the weapon, he needed enough diamonds to fill a truck.

Results came up—mostly references to the late Marilyn Monroe and an actress named Zsa Zsa Gabor. But as Albert scrolled down, he found something truly interesting. He clicked on it and found that there was a collection of giant diamonds just waiting to be snatched. But as he read further, he discovered something very uncomfortable.

“Mama, I found parts for the big ray gun,” he said.

Mama clapped. “I knew you would. How do we get them?”

“I’m going to have to learn to swim.”

Duncan stood in his bedroom, Benjamin hovering patiently around his head.

“Gluestick?” the orb buzzed. “I asked you if you wanted your usual set of clothing.”

“Yes, I know, I’m . . . thinking,” Duncan said.

“Might I ask what you are thinking about?”

Duncan studied a picture of his family that hung on the wall. They all looked so normal, except for him. “Changing my style.”

The little blue orb seemed surprised. “You have a style?”

Duncan sighed. “Benjamin, do you think I’m awkward?”

“I am aware that you and the team share a certain number of social obstacles, but as a computer it is difficult to process why that might be a problem. I’ve come to understand that you are frequently teased, but you mustn’t forget that being a nerd is a big part of your cover story. Your awkwardness keeps people from paying too much attention to you so that your duties as a spy are not hindered.”

“Oh, if we humans only thought like you—all processors and logic. But the thing is, I’ve been used to being a nerd for a while now. At school kids have been calling me a geek since I was five. It never really bothered me because I felt like I was different for a reason. I also knew that I could go home after school and be someplace where people thought I was great . . . I never thought I’d be a misfit here, too.”

The orb blinked at him.

“Tanisha says I’m not like the rest of the family. She says I don’t fit in here.”

“I’ve been told that human beings frequently say and do things they regret when they are angry. I’m sure the Creature will apologize to you soon.”

“No, I don’t think she will,” Duncan said. He’d seen her a dozen times since the incident with TJ, and she wouldn’t even look at him.

“Well, don’t make too much of it. There are plenty of people who think you fit in just fine. Still, a little wardrobe update might do you good,” the orb said.

Suddenly, rolls of fabric were unfolding out of the wall and the sounds of scissors and tape filled the air.

In no time, Duncan stepped out of his room only to walk smack into the Creature. Tanisha snarled at him, then eyed him up and down.

“What are you dressed as?” she said.

“Just trying to fit in.” Duncan looked down at his outfit. He had on a red polo shirt with blue jeans and high-top sneakers. His shirt fit and his pants went all the way down to his shoes. He looked like nearly every kid at his school. He smiled and padded down the hall into the kitchen, where his father was fighting with the toaster and his mother was enjoying some coffee. The Creature followed him.

Avery and Aiah stared at Duncan in disbelief.

“What?” Duncan said, defensively.

Aiah stammered. “You look . . . handsome.”

“Yes, Halloween has come early,” the Creature said.

Avery frowned at his daughter. “You know, when you open your mouth, sometimes very terrible things come out. We don’t talk to family this way.”

Tanisha stared at her father, then broke into tears and raced out of the room.

“Was I too hard on her?” Avery asked his wife.

Aiah shook her head. “She’s going through something. I’ll talk to her later.”

Suddenly, there was a buzz in Duncan’s nose and he sneezed.

“Is that a cold or a mission?” Aiah asked.

“I need a ride to school,” Duncan said. “As fast as we can get there.”

Two hours later Duncan stood shivering in his short-sleeved polo on the deck of the S.S. Julia Child staring at a submersible. He had seen similar crafts in documentaries about seafloor exploration, but had never seen one up close. The podlike submersible had a half-globe window made from superstrong transparent plastic and two circulating fins that moved the machine through the water. There were dozens of high-powered lights attached to the outside, as well as half a dozen cameras that could catch images in every direction.

“Hello, agents,” a tall, thin man said as he stepped onto the deck. His bald head and skin like charcoal made him an intimidating figure, and everyone stopped what they were doing and gave him their full attention.

Agent Brand greeted the man with a handshake. “It’s an honor to meet you, Captain Blancard, or may I call you Agent Fishhead?”

Captain Blancard smiled. “It’s been a long time since anyone has called me that.” He laughed. “I think Adrian will do just fine.”

Ruby was sporting a rare smile. “He was a member of NERDS back in the 1970s,” she informed her team. It was clear she felt she was in the presence of a rock star. “Fishhead was an amazing spy.”

“Why is he here?” Jackson asked. “I thought they retired us when we turn eighteen.”

“We keep a few agents on retainer when they go into a line of business that can be helpful,” Ms. Holiday explained. “Captain Blancard has gone on to be one of the world’s preeminent deep-sea explorers.”

“Let’s be honest, children. I’m a treasure hunter, and a very good one at that,” Blancard said as he smiled at Ms. Holiday.