Passenger

“And, Jack,” Griffin said. “You know … What did you do with the lens?”

“I … I’m not sure yet,” I lied. I was certain I’d find the lenses inside the bag I’d packed, hidden away inside the wadded socks and underwear I stashed in the nightstand beside my bed. Where else would Jack hide such things?

There was a long silence after that.

Co

And he knew I was lying, too.

“Jack?” Ben said.

“Yeah?”

“I know it’s fucked up of us. Um … we think we need to go back.”

“We need to,” Griffin added.

“Don’t talk about it,” I said.

Co

But nothing came.

“Jack?” Griffin said. He sounded desperate and weak, not like the kid I knew, the kid I always thought was so strong and brave.

“What do you want me to do, Griff? What the fuck am I supposed to do? You were the one telling me to get you home. Remember that morning in the box? Now what the fuck do you want me to do?” I exhaled a long sigh. “Look. We’re not going to do anything now. Me and Co

Co

I swallowed, cleared my throat. “I’m sorry, Griff. Ben. We’ll figure it out. Call me back in the morning, your time. Promise you’ll call me back. Look, it’s not that long till Christmas. We’re coming home for two weeks. We’ll figure it out. Together. I promise.”

And Co

I heard Ben try to laugh at that.

“Okay, Jack,” he said. “Let’s not talk about it.”

“Good night, then,” I said. “I’m glad we’re all okay. It’s going to be okay now. This is it, right?”

“Yeah. But, Jack? There’s one thing I need to tell you. There was a cop looking up your cell number. He came here asking me and Griff a bunch of questions about you.”

At that moment, it felt like my throat sank to my stomach.

Even Co

“Jack? Did you hear what I said?”

“I heard you.” I shut my eyes tight, trying to think. “What did you say to him?”

“Nothing,” Ben said. “What the fuck could I say? That we all know how to walk through some fucking piece of glass and into a different world called Marbury, or whatever the fuck place it is now? That we fucking kill shit there?”

“I bet he’d leave you alone if you did tell him that,” Co

“Or we’d be taken down and piss-tested again,” Griffin answered.

I heard the knocking on the door, Ben’s stepdad telling the boys to get off the phone.

“His name was Avery Scott, right?” I said.

“How’d you know that?”

More knocking.

“I gotta go, Jack.”

“Okay. Call me in the morning, Ben.”

“See ya.”

“Promise?”

Click.

“Ben?”

I felt sick.

*   *   *

“Separate beds? Damn. I was hoping we’d get our same old room, Jack. What are we going to do in separate beds?”

He was trying to get me to lighten up.

But I was numb.

All I could think about was that fucking cop, what he knew, and what I didn’t know.

It was Co

The rain cleared up.

It was early afternoon, and it felt like autumn.

I stood in front of the window and looked out at Regent’s Park.

From behind me, Co

He came up behind me, shoved me playfully.

“Let’s go for a run, Jack. We’re getting too lazy and fat hanging out with those fucking Brits.”

“Yeah. Okay.”

I sat on the bed and slipped my feet out of my shoes. I took off my shirt.

Co

“Are you going to change, or are you just going to stand there and look at me?”

Co

But I didn’t look for the lens.

And just like I would expect him to, Co

“Briefs? Since when do you wear briefs?”

I shook my head. “All my things … seem like they’re different. I thought it was just maybe Nickie or something.”

I sighed. “What about your stuff? Is any of your stuff … different?”

Co

I gave him a disappointed sigh.

Typical Co

“You still have that thing.” I pointed to the little scar above Co

Co

But I couldn’t.

He said, “Yeah. My tattoo from the happy place.”

“But everything else seems the same, right? I mean, some things are bound to be different after being gone so long. Right?”

Co

“Don’t think about that cop, Jack. He’s not going to do anything to us. We didn’t do anything wrong, okay?”

“Okay.”

He pulled a pair of ru

“So, were you shitting Ben and Griff, or do you really not know where the lens is?”

If I stayed there much longer, I was certain we would get into a fistfight. And I never wanted to fight with Co

So I turned around and made my way down the short hallway beside our bathroom. Co

It looked strong enough to support my weight.

“Come on,” I said. “Let’s get out of here.”

*   *   *

We ran around Regent’s Park, just like we did together so many times in early summer.

The air felt cool and damp. Everything smelled like wet rotting leaves.

For the first few miles, we didn’t say anything. I tried to stay in front of him, position myself so I wouldn’t have to look at Co

When Co

I felt like shit, and Co

I had missed him, missed this world, Nickie, so much. But now, all I could think about was getting away from it all—being left completely alone. Alone in a way that I would never bother, or be bothered by, anyone else.

And I could do it now, too.

I’d gotten them home.

Off the hook.

I needed to be left alone now.

Fuck you, Co

Fuck you, Jack.

Fuck this place.

As I ran, I pictured the strings, the burning clump of grass Davey fa