Untamed

She was nodding, tears in her eyes, when I slid into her again…

Monday evening was the first live show, where we’d be showcasing our talent for the audience, not the judges. I was both excited and nauseous about performing. Sure, I’d done it a million times before, but never with this much pressure on me. My entire career was riding on making the fans like me again, an uphill battle considering how I’d cracked things when I’d left the band. I hoped they could see my repentance onstage, my determination, my drive. I wanted this.

It was a short special, only six weeks, so multiple people would be leaving after each results show. I didn’t want to be let go in the first group. Or the second. Or the third. I wanted to make it all the way through. I didn’t let that desire turn me against my rivals though, and I helped out wherever I could.

When I wasn’t giving the contestants pointers or lifting Liam’s spirits, I helped out around the stage. There were crew everywhere, and they always seemed to need a hand with something. It helped me keep my mind off my nerves to stay busy, so I volunteered with as many tasks as they would let me do. They seemed to appreciate it; they even wished me luck on the show, then invited me to play poker with them afterward. Sounded fantastic to me.

Liking how it felt to be a part of something bigger than myself, I offered my services to anyone who needed them. I helped A

When it was finally time for the show to begin, I was pumped up and rearing to go. The twenty of us huddled backstage and said a quick prayer for each other. A bunch of the crew joined us too, and I had one arm around Liam and one around the guy who controlled the lighting. I’d never felt so co

Finding a quiet corner, I closed my eyes and inhaled and exhaled deep breaths. I can do this. That was when I heard a voice full of cheer screech, “Found you, Daddy!”

I opened my eyes to see Gibson ru

“There you are. Where’d you run off to? I thought I’d lost my best girl.” Behind her was Sam and one of the camera guys. Gibson had kind of become a backstage correspondent, chitchatting with all the contestants in her own special I’m almost four and I know everything about life kind of way.

“I helped Uncle Kellan.” She turned to give the camera a cheesy grin. “He loves me bestest. He said I’m go

With a laugh, I kissed her hair. “I think he’s right.”

Gibson’s adorable face turned to a frown as she turned her attention back to me. “But I want you to win.” She stared at me like she was giving me superpowers, then she smiled. “There. I gave my win to you.”

She was so sweet, I had to swallow the lump in my throat. The theme music started playing, and knowing I needed to leave soon, I gave her another hug. She didn’t want to let go from this one. “Gibby, I need to go, honey. You stay with Sam, okay?”

She was frowning again when I pulled her off me. “When will you come home?” she asked me.

I felt like she’d just impaled me with a foot-long icicle. “Oh…sweetheart…soon, okay? I promise.”

She nodded, then, as only a child could, her mood flipped around and she gave me a gargantuan grin. “For my birthday?”

With a laugh, I nodded. “Yes, definitely for your birthday.”

She clapped, then squeezed me in a hug. When she pulled away, she pointed at me with such a serious expression, it was hard not to laugh. “Mine though…not O

With a sigh, I grabbed my daughter’s shoulders and made her look at me. “Honey, you need to stop being jealous of your sister. Just because I love her doesn’t mean I love you any less. I love the both of you…so much. You’re both wonderful, beautiful, talented, special little people…” My voice trailed off as I considered my own reoccurring jealousies. Had Gibson picked up on my attitude and felt inadequate next to O

She stared at me a second, then gri

I kissed her nose, then stood up. It was time for me to be the most amazing me I could be. I gave Gibson to Sam, thanked him for keeping an eye on her, then headed toward the stage to take charge of my fate. Time to own this shit.

And I did. When my name was called for introductions, I stepped out onto the stage like I was receiving thunderous, earsplitting applause, and in my mind, I was. As I stepped right up to the spot where I’d made love to my wife, the thrilling image of driving into her filled me. I would visualize that moment every time I came out here. It would help me get through this.

With a knowing smile on my lips, I kissed my fingers, then found my wife in the crowd and held them out to her. You’re my everything. A

Liam was a

Spotting my family in the crowd, I waved at them while the rest of the contestants were a

After introductions, we were separated into groups to perform as “bands.” I was picked to be the lead singer of my group, which made me a bit uneasy, considering the bad reviews from my lackluster attempt at an album. I put the doubt aside though, and redid a D-Bags song with my own personal flair. Instead of just singing the lyrics, I rapped a part of them. It was a slow, steady rhythm that perfectly matched the classic song we were doing. The crowd went nuts after we were done and, shocking the hell out of me, our group got a standing ovation from the audience…including the judges. Even Matt was beaming as he applauded us.

By the end of the show, I felt exhilarated and energized, and I felt great about my chances of surviving this.

The results show was the next night. My stomach was twisted into knots as I waited to hear if I’d be moving on or not, but I’d kicked ass last night, and I held on to that fact as tightly as I could. They’d liked me. A guest performer was brought in to entertain the crowd, and I was both surprised and not surprised to see who it was…Avoiding Redemption. Justin’s band.