Untamed

Liam went into a fit of laughter during my rap montage. “Wait…are you rapping about deli meats? Oh my God, you are.”

A

“Um, babe,” A

“Damn it,” I muttered, hitting skip again. But every song just got worse and worse.

When it was over, the room was silent. Even the kids were staring, speechless. Chelsey cleared her throat. “Griffin, they weren’t all bad…maybe a few could be cleaned up or rerecorded…”

I ran my hands through my hair as icy panic flooded my veins. No. This was supposed to be epic. It was supposed to fix everything…not make everything worse. “I can’t. They’ve already gone to distribution. This is the final product, and I don’t have any money left to fix it anyway. I spent every dime I had on this, maxed out every credit card. I’m fucking broke! I’d have to take out another bank loan just to buy the matches to burn this shit!” I threw the empty CD case against the floor, cracking the frame and breaking the hinge.

A

Feeling my heart start to pound, my head start to swim, I tried to swallow the icy lump of shame in my throat. It wouldn’t budge. There was no way she would be okay with what I’d done. Not now, when I had nothing good to show for it. I was fucked. We were fucked. And it was all my fault…

“I tried, A

A

“You lied…again. You went behind my back…again. Why? Why would you do that? We’re supposed to be honest, Griffin! We’re supposed to talk things out!” Tears were welling in A

Gibson was crying now; Mom silently swept her from the room. “I do…I do care.” My voice came out weak and warbled. I hated it. I’d done all this for her…she just didn’t know that. “I didn’t have a choice, A

Swiping her cheeks dry, A

“Fifty,” I whispered. At least, that was where it was at the last time I looked.

A

Guilt, remorse, and fear welled up in me, making it impossible for me to look her in the eye. I should have told her. I should have talked with her. I shouldn’t have fucked this all up. I should have been honest from the start. Avoiding her gaze, I stared at the shattered case on the ground. Broken. Just like every single one of my dreams. “Fifty thousand,” I finally admitted.

The room erupted in gasps of disbelief. As I looked up, I saw A

“Why the fuck would you get us fifty thousand dollars in debt for an album when you’ve got a show…” And just like that, the light flicked on. She brought her hands to her mouth, then slowly lowered them. “There is no show…is there?”

I felt like my chest was going to explode as I took a step toward her. “A

She put a hand up to stop my pathetic attempt to placate her. “All this time, the facts were right in front of me, but I didn’t want to believe them, because I didn’t want to believe that you would lie to my face, day in, day out.” She started trembling in her rage. “Is that what happened? Have you been lying to me? For months!”

I felt like all the oxygen was being sucked out of the room. I didn’t know how to explain myself, didn’t know how to tell her how freaked out I’d been, how goddamn miserable it had made me to keep her in the dark, how alone I’ve felt trying to fix something that wasn’t fixable. But breaking her heart…losing her faith and support…Lying had been a way to avoid doing that, and like the lazy, self-absorbed asshole I was, I’d taken the easy option. “I’m so sorry. I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t know how. The show got cancelled and I panicked…I didn’t want to let you down.” Please understand, I silently begged. You’re always so understanding. That’s why we work.

All the color drained from her cheeks but flared in her eyes. “Jesus…how long have you been lying to me? How long have I been in the dark?”

My heart was pounding. I was such a fucking idiot. Maybe at the begi

Her eyes widened in shock again, and she opened and closed her mouth, but no words came out. With glistening eyes, she looked around the silent room, then she turned and stormed off to the bedroom. I followed as quickly in her wake as I dared. When she got to our room, she slammed the door. It felt like the wind from the motion slapped my face. “A

The door flew open so fast I again felt the breeze. “Talk to you? Why should I talk to you? You don’t have the decency to talk to me. Or even tell me the truth! You make all these plans behind my back, then you fill me in on them when it’s too late to change them!” She slugged me in the arm. “You lied to me for months? And you lost everything we had! What the hell were you thinking?”

I tried to step into the room and close the door so I could put at least a small buffer between us and everyone listening, but with A

A

She obsessively started smoothing back her hair while she paced, like she was frantically trying to calm down. I could tell from her expression that it wasn’t working though. Her eyes were watery with pain, but her cheeks were red with anger. All the torment I’d been trying to keep away from her was hitting her all at once. Watching the struggle was choking me up, but anticipating the outcome was making me sick.