Pucked Up

“Oops!” She drops her arms and covers her ass with her palms, not that it’s necessary anymore.

“That elevator takes forever!” Violet comes through the door carrying a bag of takeout. “Oh, hey, guys . . .” She surveys the scene: Alex is checking the ceiling for spider webs. Su

She shoves the takeout at Alex and rushes Su

“Uh-huh.”

“Oh, thank fuck! You guys are so stubborn I was worried it was never going to happen.” They jump around and hug each other like they scored backstage passes at a boy-band concert. Then Waters and I stand awkwardly while they whisper back and forth. I can’t hear what they’re saying, but Su

My phone rings from somewhere under the pile of clothes. “Oh shit. What time is it?”

“Seven-thirtyish? You guys want to have di

Waters rolls his eyes.

“Uh. Thanks for the invite, but I’m supposed to be at the airport, like, now.” I was cutting it close already; I’ll be lucky to make it at all.

“What time’s your flight?” Violet asks.

“Ten.”

“Yeah, you’re not going to make that.” Waters drops the takeout on the side table and kicks off his shoes. “You might as well reschedule and stay the night. There’s a spare room down the hall.” He crosses over to the cupboard to grab some plates.

So I reschedule my flight, again, and talk my dad into attending my meetings in the morning. Su

The next morning she drives me to the airport. We kiss for way longer than we should in a highly public place. I take off my baseball cap and hold it up so we don’t offend anyone or attract too much attention. Pictures still end up on the Internet, but I don’t mind. Neither does Su

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

DEFUZZING IS DANGEROUS

Once I get back to Chicago, I put nearly all my time and energy into the fundraiser and workouts to prep for it. It’s just three weeks away, and we’ve already sold half the tickets. The promo video went up yesterday. My dad expects the event to be sold out before the end of next week, which means we’ll raise an easy fifty grand for Michael’s family.

Based on the success so far, I’ve decided this is exactly the kind of thing I want to do more of. I don’t need to wait until my hockey career is over. I have to work out the logistics with Vi and my agent, but it seems like a good way to broaden my reach, and it’s definitely helped spin the media attention in a different direction. The pictures of me and Su

I get an awful lot of help from Randy in both the workout and fundraising-prep departments since he’s still not going out all that much. Lance rides his ass about it more than he does mine, but even he’s let up. Last week when we did a home workout at his place, Lance was on his best behavior with Tash, and there wasn’t one bu

Su

Just before eleven, Vi stops by. She’s here to help me prepare. She took the afternoon off for a business meeting, part of which consists of picking up Su

“What’s up, brother from another mother?” She’s holding a huge box. “And father,” she tacks on, then wrinkles her nose. “That wasn’t even fu

“Uh, no.”

She drops the box on the counter. “I think my sense of humor is being affected by this engagement-party-pla

“I have my doubts.”

She points a candle at me. “You’re not helpful. I need to put a stop to my mother’s insanity. I can’t deal with this craziness. She’s trying to force her way into my girl’s afternoon with Su

“I changed my sheets, and I cleaned off the dining room table.” I relocated all the papers to the coffee table so we have somewhere to eat.

“You’re such a bachelor.”

I unpack the box of stuff while Vi rummages through my cupboards. “This must be yours.” I toss her a box with a woman’s leg on it. It looks like a shaving product.

She puts her hands up, shielding her face. It hits her in the chest and drops to the floor at her feet. “Ow! Don’t throw things at me!”

“I didn’t throw it. I tossed it. Underhand. It helps if you don’t cower and actually try to catch it.”

She picks it up off the floor and hurls it. I snatch it out of the air before it beans me on the head. Her aim is getting better—either that or it was a lucky shot. “That’s for you.”

“What is this? Shaving cream?” I turn the box over and scan the back, waiting for her to explain. She can tell me in thirty seconds what it’ll take me five minutes to labor through on my own.

“It’ll take down your forest of body hair.”

I run a hand up my arm. “I don’t need this. You can take it home and use it on your mustache.” I slide the box across the counter toward her.

Violet puts her hand up to her mouth, then drops it. “I do not have a mustache. You, however, should consider grooming your yeti ass. You’re having Su

“I’m already groomed. I took care of business yesterday. I even shaved my balls.”

She makes a gagging noise. “More than I wanted to know. Suit yourself, but it’s supposed to be hot tonight. You could manage your arm fur so she doesn’t get lost in there.” Her phone beeps. “I gotta go. I’m picking Su

“Your waxer?”

“You can thank me later.”

“Make sure they leave a landing strip.”

“Why? You have a hard time navigating the land of beave without it?”

“No, I like it. And I’m not talking about this with you. Just don’t torture my girlfriend.”

“Aw, you’re so cute with this girlfriend stuff. I’m not surprised you lured her back with your yeti magic.” She grabs a Vitamin Water from my fridge. Suddenly, loud moaning comes from the wall adjoining my condo. We both freeze. “What the hell is that?”

“My neighbor? Or a cat in heat?” I’ve only heard her dog before, and never through the walls.

We both cringe as the pitch and volume increase. It sounds as if my neighbor—or the cat—are on the verge of a stellar orgasm. Su

Vi stares at the wall. “Does that happen often?”

“This is a first. She moved in before I left for the camp. Maybe she’s getting some morning penance in.” Right before my neighbor hits what sounds like the magical O, the sound cuts off. We look at each other, perplexed.

“Huh. That seems unsatisfying.” Vi shakes her head. “Maybe your neighbor likes to watch loud porn.”

“Or she has a thing against coming.”

“If it happens again, can you record it so I can make it Alex’s ring tone? It’ll be awesome.”

Vi’s ridiculous, but I’d pay to see Waters’ face if she managed to make that happen. I hope there aren’t any more of those sounds while Su