Family Love

“You know, I never thought anyone could top my crazy-ass shit,” Dominic said, passing me the bourbon bottle. “Dang,” he said, staring out into the cold New York midnight sky. We sat in the rooftop bar of Aiden’s hotel, empty but for my three brothers and me. “Especially not my own mother.”

“Yeah,” I said, taking a hit from it and passing it to Antony. He waved it away, so I gave it to Kieran, who took a long pull.

“Who would’ve guessed? Mama …” I let my voice trail off.

“They are only human,” Kieran said. “They were young, and Daddy’s about as stubborn as they come. I finally read Aiden’s book. It’s pretty, um, revealing about a lot of things. I didn’t realize Mama had told him so much about, you know, early marriage days. Money troubles, Daddy refusing to allow Mama to use her Halloran inheritance money, fights, stuff like that.” He shrugged.

“For fuck’s sake,” Antony growled, getting up to pace the empty bar.

“You were the reason they got married you know,” Kieran said.

“You think I don’t know that, Francis?”

“What a mess,” I said, leaning into Dom. He draped an arm across my shoulders and we drank and reflected on the appalling scene in my parents’ hotel room earlier.

“I tried to convince Aiden that, since Daddy had known or figured it out pretty quick and had not booted Mama out of the house over it, he ought to just get over it. He is a Love brother. We all know it. Right?”

“Yeah,” Dom said. “But no, at the same time. I mean, it’s weird. It would freak me out, for sure. I don’t know.” He sighed. I sighed. We watched our drunken oldest brother pace the floor.

I rubbed the bridge of my nose. Our father had done his own revealing as well, and the idea that my parents had each had affairs did a number on me. On the one hand, I understood it. But the little girl part of me refused to accept less than perfection—from my father, at least.

“When you’ve been married as long as they have, and gone through what they’ve gone through …” Kieran shrugged again.

“Stop fucking making excuses for them,” Antony said, halting his tenth circumnavigation of the empty bar. “God damn it.” He stood there, quivering with rage, as if he’d been the wronged husband who’d—as Aiden had put it—had some other man’s son passed off as his for almost forty years. “Give me that,” he said, lurching at me to grab the near-empty bottle.

“Nope,” Dom said, snagging it and finishing it off. “Chill the fuck out, Antony. This is not your fight.”

The two of them glared at each other. The sound of Aiden’s voice made us all jump. “Hey,” he said. He stood with his hands jammed down into his trouser pockets.

I got up and hugged him. He held onto me, and then took a deep breath. “So, um, Lindsay and Anton are go

Antony stomped over to him. Aiden held up a hand. “No, this is my issue. I don’t need your righteous indignation on my behalf.” He looked up at the ceiling, then down at us. “I’m sorry, y’all. It’s, um, not exactly how I wanted this weekend to go.”

I put my arm around his waist. But he was stiff, practically quivering with a combination of emotions I didn’t want to pretend to understand.

“It’s done, Aiden,” Kieran said in his teacherly voice. “It happened a long time ago, and, well, Daddy knew, and he didn’t do anything about it. You know he loves Mama. They love each other. I think you—”

Aiden shook his head. “Let me fill you in on my perspective. I just found out that I am not a blood member of this family. I’m not a Love. I’m a Patterson, whatever that means. This man, my real father, died. He was a rich SOB and now I’ve got some serious dough coming my way.

“So I’m go

“That is bullshit,” Antony growled, dropping into a chair. “Oh, fuck me, I’m drunk.” He leveled his dark glare at our youngest brother. “Stop acting like a teenager with a bug up his ass over nothing, Aiden. You are a member of this family. You’re a Love brother. You always will be. Take the money and … I don’t know, buy a bigger house or something.” He leaned forward, elbows on the empty table. “Don’t leave. That’ll kill her,” he finished with a low voice.

“Yeah,” Aiden said, his voice flat and emotionless. “I died a little myself today, Antony. Thanks. This is our decision, mine and Rosalee’s. I can’t stand to look at Mama right now, or Daddy, for that matter.” He turned away from us.

“But, what about …” I began. He faced us again. In spite of my own wild-ass life choices, I’d never felt so desperate. The crazy that represented my family’s life was about to drift apart. “Aiden, don’t.”

He frowned at me. “Fine talk coming from the girl who’s done nothing but leave the family behind her entire life. Maybe it’s my turn now. Maybe I need space again from all this fucked-up, stupid drama.”

“Fair,” Dom said, getting up and stretching. “I’m go

Aiden glared at him, then got into the elevator and let the doors close behind him without turning to look at us again.

I bit my lip and glanced at my remaining siblings. Antony was sprawled in a chair; overwhelming it with his bulk, hand over his eyes. Kieran still sat on the barstool where we’d been gathered earlier, leaning on one elbow, looking contemplative.

Dom stood, looking at me, his dark eyes unreadable. “He’ll never do it,” he said. “He’ll never leave.”

A week after Christmas, a For Sale sign appeared in the yard at Rosie and Aiden’s modest little bungalow a few blocks from downtown; and they were, indeed, gone. There had been no final blowup or fight. They simply faded, leaving behind my parents who, according to Kieran, were starting to resemble polite but not-quite-friendly roommates.

Aiden called me a few times, asking about schools and whatnot in the city. I tried to get him the information he wanted, praying they would move close to me. But in the end they chose the West Coast, as if saying, “this is as far as I can get from you and still be in the contiguous United States.”

“Why not move to Hawaii?” I asked, aggravated with him and his dogged determination to excise himself from the family.

“It was on the table,” he said. “But San Francisco won the coin toss.”

“Expensive as shit there,” I said, staring at the freezing cold February night outside my windows.

“I can afford it, never fear. Oh, hey, did you hear about Cal?”

I closed my eyes. “No, I didn’t, but I have a feeling I’m about to.”

“He and his wife split up. Dom said Diana said it was amicable enough.”

“Oh,” I said, sliding down the wall of my tiny kitchen.

“You should call him, Angel.”

“Don’t you start giving me advice, mister.”

“Fair enough. Wallow in your spinsterhood.”

“Nobody uses that word anymore. I’m a carefree single woman in New York. I love my life.”

“Right,” he said, without his characteristic chuckle.

“Go fuck yourself, Leonardo,” I said. “I’m hanging up now.”

I sat on the floor for an hour, staring at Calvin’s name on my phone screen, waiting to get past my own nervousness so I could call him, then deleting it instead.

Chapter Twenty-Four

One Year Later

The next Christmas galloped up fast, surprising me a little. I’d spent the year since the Love family’s implosion working my forty hours, taking home my paycheck, going out on a few dates, but shocking myself with my unwillingness to have sex, even a one-night stand.

“I’m about to be that lady, the one who only goes out to get a bottle of gin and kitty litter,” I said to Kieran a few weeks before I was to go home for the holiday.