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I want to cry. My dream was so vivid, so clear. My life was good. I made my amends with people and started living again. The cries get louder, stirring a sleeping Sam next to me. Something tells me I’m the one who should get up, but I don’t want to. I want to go back to sleep and remember Beaumont, Josie and the children we had.
“Liam, Paige is crying.”
“Wh… what?” I roll over at the sound of the voice I remember so clearly. Even through the darkness I can see her bright blue eyes shining up at me.
“Are you real?”
“Yes, and so is our daughter. Go get her, please.”
“I fucking love you so much.” I kiss her on the lips, trying to savor the moment, but my princess is down the hall needing her daddy so I must go to her.
“Hi, Princess,” I say when I approach her crib. Her blue eyes, wet with tears, look up at me and she pouts her tiny mouth. She lets out a quiet wail, telling me that she needs me. I hope that someday she realizes how much I need her.
“Did you have a nightmare?” I ask as I lie her down on her changing table. I hand her a little rattle to keep her occupied while I change her diaper. “Daddy did, and it was bad. I dreamt that it was me who was in an accident and not your Uncle Mason, and when I woke up in my dream, I didn’t have you, mommy or Noah. When you started crying, I woke up again, but I was confused about being here so I thought I was only dreaming about having you.” I pick her up and kiss her rosy cheek, holding her to me. She snuggles into my neck and tries to seek out the milk wagon. I make sure to put her pacifier in to keep her quiet for the walk to the kitchen. By the time we get there, she’s sound asleep.
The white lights from the Christmas tree sparkle against the darkness of the room. I stand in the large picture window that overlooks Hollywood. The city lights illuminate the valley, making it look alive. Paige is barely four months old and being plagued by an earache. Her first airplane ride didn’t go as pla
We are in Hollywood for a few reasons. We decided to spend Christmas here and Yvie and Xander are getting married on Christmas night at Harrison’s pad. I’ve taken to calling it a pad because he yells at me each time I say condo. Earlier in the fall he was able to buy the upstairs “apartment” and convert his into a two-story, giving him and Katelyn more room with the kids.
Everyone is here with us, except for Nick and Aubrey. They flew to Africa to see Aubrey’s parents, who are on a Mission, and introduce them to their son, Mack. He’s a cute baby with blonde hair and blue eyes, just like Aubrey. Josie says he’s going to be a looker when he’s older and I tell her as long as he’s looking away from Paige, I’ll be happy. Nick thinks I’m joking, I’m not.
After Paige was born, and we brought her home, life became crazy. The guys, with the help of Je
I’ve come to realize I’m the over obsessive dad. If you have a cold, don’t come over. If you haven’t washed your hands, don’t touch my daughter. If you smell, haven’t showered or your clothes are dirty, stay far away. Those are the things that concern me the most. I’m working on watching my language around her as well, but that seems to be the hardest part of all.
Paige wiggles in my arms, letting out a faint cry. I pat her bottom to lull her back to sleep. I’m the midnight feeder, the one who gets up with her if she wakes up at night, and the one who takes the late shift when the kids are sick. This is my time with them, especially with Paige. When Noah’s sick, he lies on the couch and I sit next to him, but I’m there to help when needed. It’s actually my favorite time with them, the one on one. It’s at night when I can clear my thoughts, and when I’m holding Paige in my arms, the lyrics flow. She’s my inspiration, my reason for being.
After she was born, I took a hard look at my life. Josie and I sat down and hammered out a plan... for now, the music stays and Josie is happy with that. Before Paige was born we said we’d spend summers in Los Angeles, but now that JD and Je
Josie’s hesitation is her parents, but since they’re retiring they’re willing to travel. My hesitation is Noah. He’s going to excel at Beaumont High and part of me would like to see him do it in my number. I’d like to see his name next to mine in the record books. Ultimately, I’m letting him make the decision. If he wants to stay, we’ll stay and make everything work. I wouldn’t be the only musician in the world to have two houses.
After the first of the year, my mother is moving into her former home. I own it, and will continue to until her divorce from my father is final. Apparently, my mom could live with the mistreatment and emotional abuse, but would not live with adultery. I don’t blame her. The money she was left by her father is in my name as well, something my father will never be able to touch.
I have no qualms about setting my mother up. We’ve made amends, and she’s been a rock for Josie and me. It pains me that my father destroyed such a beautiful light. I have no doubt my mom would’ve reached the highest peak of stardom, although if it weren’t for meeting Sterling, I wouldn’t be here today.
Shortly after Paige was born, I sat down with Josie and asked why the name “Betty”. She finally confessed that during our issues earlier in the year she had gone to the attic and found a box full of stuff that had belonged to my grandparents, a box I didn’t know about. I spent an hour going through the contents, learning about whom my grandfather was and how much he loved not only my grandmother, but my mother as well. And I forgave Josie on the spot because if she hadn’t done that, she wouldn’t have felt co
The band has a new manager and record deal with Capitol Records. We’ll be back in the studio once the holidays are over and looking to go on tour by the end of next year. Josie and the kids plan to join me once football is over, but only until baseball season starts for Noah. His sports life is important to me.
Our manager is just like Sam, but nicer and missing the evil bone. The wives balked at first, but once they got to know Mira, they brought her into their fold. I do think, however, that it’s a case of “keep your friends close, but your enemies closer”.
The light behind me comes on and I turn and see Noah eyeing the tree. I smile and look down at the presents pouring out from underneath it.
“Santa came,” he says. Over the past few months, he’s changed. He’s grown a few inches and has started keeping his hair short like me.
“He did.”
“Do you think any of those are for me?”
I shrug and rub my hand on Paige’s back. “I don’t think Paige can open any yet so I’m willing to bet most are for you.”
“Awesome. I’m going to go wake everyone up.”
I look at my watch and realize Paige and I have been up for five hours, just staring out the window, reflecting on life. It was the fastest five hours of my life.
As soon as Josie enters the room, she comes over to kiss Paige, even offering one up for me.
“Merry Christmas,” I say against her lips.
“Merry Christmas.”