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My heart turned over. “Zander…”
“Here you go, kids.” Mr. Welsh set the dish loaded with ice cream on the counter, pulling Zander’s attention away.
He paid for the dessert and we went over to the toppings station. I grabbed the can of whipped cream while Zander drowned most of our ice cream in hot fudge sauce, nuts, marshmallow cream, and gummy bears. As I started to cover the dish in the whipped cream, I noticed that he had made sure to leave the butter pecan alone when he’d been putting on the toppings.
It wasn’t that I got Zander so much; he got me, too. He knew what I liked and didn’t. He was so considerate, so gentle and caring. It hadn’t been hard to fall for him. Unfortunately, I kept falling a little more every day.
C HAPER F OUR
Zander
Tell her.
That damned voice in the back of my head kept whispering those two words over and over again. Wanting me to confess, needing to prepare her for what would happen when she went in to work the next morning.
I couldn’t force the words out, however. I knew that if I told her what I’d done—that I’d gone over her head and told Noah exactly what was going on in her house—she would think I had betrayed her. I’d promised her repeatedly that I wouldn’t go to Noah¸ but I couldn’t let things continue the way they were at home. If something happened to her and I hadn’t done everything in my power to make sure she was safe…
I punched the side of the bed and glared up at the ceiling. Just the thought of her getting hurt made me insane. My fucked-up mind couldn’t deal with it and I wanted to destroy something.
From my co
That is if they actually happened to hear anything at all. They both wore hearing aids and took them out when they went to bed. That was one of the reasons I hadn’t moved out when I’d graduated high school. Devlin and I had even talked about renting a house or something together, but I hadn’t wanted to leave Gram and Gramps vulnerable like that. What if someone broke in and they didn’t hear anything? They could get hurt and I would seriously lose my shit then.
The other reason I’d decided to stay was because I knew Gram needed some help paying for her medication. It was so expensive that she’d been known to go without just so she could instead buy groceries when I was younger. Now that I was working full time and getting a decent paycheck every week, I was able to help her with that. I paid most of the bills so she didn’t have to worry about whether or not she had her blood pressure medication or electricity that month.
The bathroom door opened and A
I quickly sat up and pulled one of the pillows over my crotch to hide the evidence of my raging hard-on. She flopped down on the bed beside me, turned on her stomach and scrunched the pillow under her head. She looked tired, but no less beautiful.
Tell her.
My mouth remained closed. If I told her, and she got upset, I wasn’t sure how I would handle it. Would she stop trusting me? Stop sneaking through my window when she needed me? Would I lose her?
Clenching my jaw, I reached out and turned off the lamp beside my bed before lying down next to her. She was quiet, way too quiet for A
“Just tired,” she murmured, but I could tell she was lying. She might have been tried, but there was something on her mind. I could practically see the wheels in her mind turning.
“Talk to me, babe. You know you can tell me anything.” And I won’t tell Noah unless I have to. I gritted my teeth as that damn voice taunted me. Guilt was eating me alive, but I knew I’d done the right thing. I just hoped she would see it that way.
Her lips lifted in a small smile that didn’t reach those baby-blue eyes that fucking owned me. “I’m just being silly, Z. Honest, I’m fine.”
Without thinking, I cupped her cheek in one hand. “I’d walk through hell for you, you know that, right?” Please remember that tomorrow, I mentally willed her.
She turned her face into my palm. Her eyes closed and she smiled a little bigger. “Me too, Z. Me too.”
“Come here,” I muttered and pulled her closer. She turned on her side and pillowed her head on my shoulder. Fuck, that felt good. It felt so fucking perfect. Like she belonged there. One of her slender arms draped over my stomach and I brushed a kiss across the top of her head. “Goodnight, A
“Night, Z.” She yawned and her eyes closed sleepily.
I laid there for hours just listening to the sound of her breathing. Even with the guilt churning in my gut, my fucked-up mind was calm. Over the last few months I’d realized that she brought me peace. I wasn’t up twisting the doorknob fourteen times, or closing my dresser drawer fourteen times, or turning off the bathroom light—yeah, fourteen times. With her, like this, I didn’t feel like my mind was broken. I was able to see past the obsessions and think clearly.
I couldn’t tell you when my OCD first started messing with my life. I couldn’t remember a time when it hadn’t affected it. Even in kindergarten kids would whisper about me. Parents hadn’t wanted me to play with their kids; either they were too much of a bigot or scared I would rub my OCD off on their special little brats. It hadn’t really mattered that much to me.
I’d had Noah and Devlin from the time I could walk, and then A
I considered myself lucky to have all of them as friends, but I knew if I had to give them all up it would be A
By morning I might have to face life without her. That was the scariest thing I’d ever have to face. Ten times more terrifying than Wroth Niall in a rage and being the one he was ready to tear apart.
I sucked in a deep breath, trying to calm my heartrate. She wouldn’t hate me for long. She couldn’t stay mad forever. I’d find a way for her to see it from my point of view. I had to keep telling myself those things over and over until I was finally able to relax once more. Tightening my arms around her, I brushed a kiss across her forehead and breathed in the fragrance of my shampoo in her hair.