Incandescent

Deciding to do just that, I lean in and slam my mouth on hers. She fights it, her hands coming to my chest pushing me back. I push further, intent to taste her, to calm her. I just want to make her see that I’m not what she thinks I am. My hand cups her neck, pulling her closer to me. Her soft lips open slightly, and for a second, I think I’ve got her, my tongue sliding into the wetness, seeking to entwine with hers, until she latches onto it and bites down hard.

“Fuck, Kadence, why’d the fuck you do that?” I ask, pulling back from her lips. My question comes out as a lisp. A warm, metallic, salty taste mixes with my saliva. Her hands come to my shoulders, pushing me back. I fall flat on my ass but watch her stand and walk to the front door.

“Go, Nix. I’ve got nothing to say to you.” Her face holds no emotion. It’s like she's just mentally switched off from me. Holly walks into the room watching our exchange carefully, but not saying anything. She looks to Kadence and back to me.

“Kadence,” I sigh, rising from the floor, wiping the blood on my sleeve.

“Save it. You have no idea what you’re talking about, Nix. You weren’t there. You didn’t experience what I went through. For you to sit there telling me I’m misdirecting my anger, you're no better than Zane, and that just proves it. I’ve got nothing to say to you.” She draws in a hard breath.

“Kadence.”

“Get. The. Fuck. Out.”

I walk up to her realizing I’ve totally screwed this up. The fun, flirty, sassy woman I’ve come to know over the last couple of weeks is gone, and standing in front of me is a cold replacement. Smartass Kadence is hot, but pissed off Kadence is something else. I know I’m not going to get through to her right now. Her ability to act indifferent doesn’t surprise me; she's been like this from the moment I met her. But I’ve also seen her open up, seen the other side of this cold indifference.

“You think I don’t know what I’m talkin’ about, Kadence? That same club that you hate so much took my mom from me. I know exactly what you’re goin’ through. If you would just calm the fuck down, you would see I don’t condone any of this shit, so don’t play that card with me.” My words register to her and understanding washes over her features before she hides it. We both stand quietly watching each other.

“I realized I fucked up here and you’re angry. I get that. So I’m go

Fuck me.

I walk straight out and then listen to her slam the door behind me. My fist co

Motherfucker is go

Chapter Nineteen

Kadence

Throwing back another shot, I let the burn take over and allow the warmth to soothe me. Good God, I needed that.

Turning around from the bar, I scan the club trying to find something to take my mind off the emptiness that has taken residence in me all week. Holly and I are back at Liquid, and if I’m going to be stuck here for the night, I may as well make the most of it. Holly dragged me out kicking and screaming after sulking all week at the way things ended with Nix. I keep replaying the whole scene in my head, and each word, each action leaves me cringing. I fucked up. Bad.

Taking my drink, I make my way back to our table. I stumble slightly, the fifth shot making its way through my system. Yes, just what I was looking for, total oblivion.

“Whoa there, sweetheart,” a familiar voice breathes over my ear while reaching for me before my ass lands on the floor.

“Jesse? What are you doing here?” I ask as I look up and gain my feet, walking the rest of the way back to my chair.

“What? Didn’t you know?” he barks out a short laugh and sits down next to me. “Kadence, the Knights Rebels own this place.” He shakes his head.

What the hell? How did I not know that? I need to pay more attention.

“Tell me he isn’t here.” A spark ignites for a second, and I look around hoping to see him but praying I don’t.

“God, no.” He shakes his head. “He sees you wearing that dress, you'd be out of here before you’d even see it coming.” Like hell, I would be. I wouldn’t give up without a fight. Besides, Nix and I are done. I haven’t heard from him since I tossed him out last Sunday; it’s now Friday. He did tell me he would call me, but I haven’t heard from him since he texted me later that first night, telling me he wished I was with him, in his bed. I ignored him, my stubborn ass pushing him further away. Am I hurt that he hasn’t called? Yes and no. What girl doesn’t want a guy to call and sweep her off her feet, but at the same time, I’ve been hanging onto the anger all week. Holly’s pissed at me because I met with Zane without her and that my stubborn ass is refusing to contact Nix. To top it all off, after the way I acted, she is siding with Nix.

“Wa

“What are you talking about, Jesse?” I act unaffected. I don’t want to get into it with him.

“He’s been sulking around all week, and I haven’t seen you around. Put two and two together.” He sits back, his booted feet crossed at the ankles. I ignore his question and the pang of guilt I feel at hearing Nix is having a shit week like me. I look out at the dance floor trying to find Holly. I spot her dancing with a different guy than the one she went out there with. I wish I could be like her. I wish I had the freedom and the confidence not to be weighed down with my past worries. Nix was the first person who allowed me to do just that, and now after seeing Zane for ten minutes, I feel like everything is coming down around me. I’ve screwed things up. I bet he realizes what a raging bitch I am.

“What do you want me to say, Jesse?” I finally give him an answer. “He was an asshole. He said some shitty things. I responded with some shitty things, and then told him to leave and he did. I haven’t heard from him all week. End of story." I take a sip of my drink, washing the lie down. It burns worse than the truth.

“Not end of story, Kadence. Don’t feed me your bullshit.” I narrow my eyes at him and his ability to see through my bullshit. I’ve known Jesse for three years, and sitting here across from him, he looks like the same blond-haired, blue-eyed pretty boy I met on my first day in group therapy. I’d just come out of my last surgery. I hated the world, hated myself, and I didn’t want anyone’s help. The only person I let in was Holly, and let's be honest, that’s only because she wouldn’t leave me alone, even after telling her to take a hike. I was a single, twenty-seven-year-old woman whose body was deformed. I didn't want anyone’s pity; I didn’t want to meet with a former Marine, ex-firefighter trained counselor. I didn’t want to hear him tell me how lucky I was that I survived. I wanted to feel sorry for myself and be left alone. I walked into the session all anger and attitude. I didn't realize how far I was lost in my head.

Until Jesse pulled me firmly out.

Being in therapy, listening to Jesse’s stories of what he lived through over in the war, made me realize how lucky I was. I had survived my burns. I could move on. Listening and learning about other people’s stories left me heartbroken for them. While my injuries were extensive, and rehab and recovery was taking everything out of me, they by no means impaired me from living my everyday life. My self-loathing was for nothing. I survived, and the pretty-boy firefighter was the one to help me understand that. By showing me what he survived, what he endured and how he dealt with it, I was able to find the old Kadence and learn to accept what happened. Without Jesse, who knows where I would be. Having him come back into my life, by association feels right. He’s like a big brother I never had.