Rip

I nodded my head and went to the bathroom to grab a warm wet cloth, then made my way back into the bedroom and started softly wiping away the blood on Nikolai’s side.

We worked in silence. I washed blood and Sergio did small sutures over a few cuts while simultaneously examining the bruising already forming across Nikolai’s body.

After a few minutes of companionable silence. Sergio spoke. “She would have loved you.”

My eyes filled with tears. “Do you think… it’s possible to miss someone you never really knew?”

Sergio’s hands froze. “Yes. I do. I think it’s possible to miss someone simply from hearing memories from other people, knowing what that person was like, seeing someone talk about them as their faces light up with pleasure or excitement almost like the person is still breathing—living.” He cleared his throat and started working again. “It’s okay to feel loss, even though you weren’t a part of her life.” His eyes met mine. “I know if the situation were reversed, she’d feel the same way about you. She’d mourn you—because blood is blood, Maya. And we’re all human… very breakable, most of us already broken, and she knew that better than anyone I’d ever met. She looked at the world like it deserves to be looked at.”

“How?”

“With respect… with beauty.”

A single tear ran down my face. I tried to wipe it away but Sergio grabbed my hand. “It’s harder for those left behind then it is for those who leave. Just know… she laughed a lot, and drove me insane.”

I licked my dry lips, a smile forming across them. “This world needs more laughter.”

“It really does.” He agreed as we both stared at Nikolai. “And he’s going to need you…”

“He has me.”

“Does he?” Sergio’s eyes narrowed. “He’s a killer.”

“So are you.”

“The very hands he uses to give life—he takes. You’ll have to turn a blind eye… because it will always be in his blood.”

“What will?”

Sergio shrugged. “Once you are in this life, you don’t walk away, even when you want to. It follows you, tempts you, beckons you, promises you the world. He will always be mafia. So, I’d leave now if it’s too much. I can make you disappear, and because of Andi, I’m going to give you that option.” He stood. “You’d be in Canada by midnight, or Mexico if that’s your preference, a house by the ocean, a new identity, passport, a new life, just say the word.”

“But Nikolai—”

“He stays. This offer is for you. Not for him.”

Panicked, I stared at Nikolai and stood, it was what he’d wanted for me, for us, to disappear, for me to be safe, but I didn’t want safe if it meant I was away from him.

“My father, he will keep coming after Nik? After me?”

Sergio didn’t answer.

“What would Andi do?”

Again no answer, he simply stared, his crystal blue eyes blazing holes through me.

I swallowed, straightening my shoulders and whispered, “If he stays. I stay.”

“Thank God.” Nikolai said in a hoarse voice. “And Sergio, leave before I kick your ass.”

“Hah,” Sergio pulled out a needle and thread. “In your position you’re more likely to fall on your ass and look stupid in front of the girl you love.” He handed the needle to Nikolai. “I’ll let you do the honors.”

“Thanks.” He grumbled, “And Sergio?”

Sergio turned.

“Stab me with a needle again and I’m ripping out your throat while you’re awake.”

“Huh.” Sergio nodded approvingly. “Propranolol, didn’t know you were a fan.”

“Out.” Nikolai made a weird growling noise.

Sergio shut the door and yelled back. “You’re welcome!”

We do not care what we have, but we cry when it is lost. –Russian Proverb

I COULD AT LEAST BE THANKFUL that Sergio hadn’t used a full dose to knock me out, only enough to make the last ten minutes seem fuzzy. It had just felt better to close my eyes and relax back against the mattress as the drugs filtered through my system, the morphine, burned along my veins. I’d always had a terrible reaction to any opiates. They typically made me sick, which was a blessing, considering I had easy access to them at all times and thought myself a chemist when it came to making my JR serum.

I wasn’t shocked he had offered her sanctuary.

What shocked me was that she declined his offer and stayed.

A smart woman would run far away, take the second chance at a fresh start and never look behind her.

There was literally nothing but horror in her past, and I couldn’t imagine the future would be roses and fairy tales either, not if she stayed with me. There would never be a time in her life that she wouldn’t be reminded of her past, of our past, and I had to wonder if it would continually impact our present, filtering into our future.

With a sigh, I sat up as much as I could. “Maya, would you please grab a hand mirror from the bathroom?”

Frowning, she gave a simple nod went to the bathroom then returned with the mirror.

“Excellent. Can you please point it at my side, angle it down, a little farther.” Her hands were shaking. I didn’t blame her. I was a mess. “Thank you.”

We didn’t speak while I nimbly and quickly sewed up my wound in perfect sutures that would leave a slight white mark as if I’d been scratched.

Maya swayed on her feet.

“Maya?” I reached for her with my free hand, I just needed to cut the thread. “Are you going to pass out?”

She tugged her lower lip between her teeth and bit, causing my body, even numb with drugs, to tighten, to flush with lust.

“No.” She shook her head. “That’s just really… hot.”

“What is?” I glanced down at my bare stomach. Surely she wasn’t referring to me being shirtless? She’d seen me naked. I highly doubted my bruised body was doing it.

“That.” She pointed to the hand still holding the needle. “You just stitched yourself up, perfectly, better than, well I don’t even know, but it’s just… sorry, is that inappropriate?”

“Very.” I nodded seriously. “Let’s be professional, Maya.” My lips twitched in a barely contained smile.

“Right.” She agreed crossing her arms. “Will that be all, Doctor?”

I let out a suppressed groan. “Hurry and cut this damn thread so I can kiss you.”

“I didn’t know Russians kissed Italians without protection.” She ran her hands down her body, damn I would do just about anything for a taste, better than any drug.

“Very fu

“Hah.” She wagged her finger in my face. “You mean like last night?”

I rolled my eyes and lay back against the mattress. “Go ahead, finish me off, kill me. I’ll wait.”

She gently crawled over me, careful not to put any weight on my body as she reached for the scissors and cut the thread. I grabbed her hand the minute it was free, bringing her fingertips to my lips, she tasted like home.

“How are you?” I wasn’t that man, the one who asked emotional questions. I’d never cared, not until her.

Maya licked her lips, studying my mouth for a few seconds before answering. “I’m hanging in there.”

“Well at least you haven’t run away screaming yet.”

“That would get me killed.”

“Your father may be too busy to kill you right now… or at least too busy to threaten us, and when he does… I don’t think we’ll have problems finding people willing to fight for us. Apparently the Italians have been bored this last week, imagine that?”

Maya shuddered. “Bored means they haven’t gotten to shoot something in a while? And seven days is a long time? Wow, talk about self control. Should we give them a medal? Or at least gift them some wine?”

I burst out laughing, shocking myself at the fact I couldn’t keep it in anymore. I’d gotten the shit beat out of me, one of my darkest secrets was about to get revealed to Maya, and I could laugh.