Lies Unspoken

He’s going to leave.

And, I’m going to have to let him go—forever.

He’s almost out the door.

And, I’m out of my mind.

“Blake!”

He breaks stride but then keeps going. Try harder, Lila . . . if you really want this. “Blake! I can’t keep doing this. If you walk out that door, I’m leaving, and I’m not coming back.”

That gets his attention. He turns back around.

I stand silently, reading the pain in his tired eyes. It’s hard to stay mad at someone with that much visible ache.

He walks toward me. “I’ve spent weeks trying to convince myself I don’t want you. When I leave . . . when I paint . . . you’re all I think about.” He comes closer, skimming his thumbs over my cheeks. My eyes close in an attempt to hold in tears. “I can’t give you everything you want . . . not yet . . . but I need you here with me.”

“Why? Why do you need me, Blake? Tell me,” I cry.

“Because, without you, it hurts to feel. All the bad memories—the nightmares—they’re suffocating me. You steal them away, Lila. Don’t you understand? You give me good memories to cover the bad ones.” He wipes my tears away while staring down into my eyes.

If it were that simple—if I didn’t have my own bad memories—I’d be putty in his hands. “Then stay. Let me help you.”

“I don’t know, Lila. I just don’t know.”

I throw my hands up in frustration. “What do you want from me?”

“To be your friend, for now.”

“And if that’s not enough?”

He moves his face closer to mine. “Then I guess I’ll need to work through my shit a little sooner.”

I want to believe in him . . . in every word he says. “Can I ask a question?”

“I’ll answer anything if it’ll make you stay.”

“How does Pierce know Alyssa?” I ask, knowing I’m the one with the upper hand.

His hands fall from my face. I think he might just walk away, but he doesn’t. He shakes his head, staring down at his feet. “I can’t do this now. I—”

I shake my head. “No. You can’t keep doing this to me. Either you tell me now, or I’m leaving. ”

He glances back up at me, eyes glossed over. “Alyssa’s maiden name was Stanley. She’s Pierce’s sister.”

Shock rips through me. Knowing Blake and Pierce, I’d imagined some complex love triangle—one guy taking the other guy’s girl—but not this. Why was this a secret? “And why does he hate you so much?”

He winces, combing his fingers through his hair. “He doesn’t think I did right by her.”

“Is he right?”

“If I were in his shoes, I’d probably agree.”

My selfish need screams for me to push him further, but common sense pulls me back. If the past is a predictor of the future, he’ll run, and I might not see him again. “If you leave again, I’m done.”

“I don’t want to leave you.”

“Then don’t,” I answer, the tears starting to dry up. “Does this mean you’re staying? Besides, Christmas is in two days, and I wasn’t looking forward to spending it alone.”

He wraps his arms tightly around me. “I’m not going anywhere.”

MONDAY MORNING COMES TOO SOON, but it’s okay when I realize I’m wrapped in two strong arms in a nice, warm bed. Even better, it’s Christmas Eve, which means I have the next two days off.

Blake feels me shift and pulls me further into him. We talked most of the day yesterday, cleared most of the skeletons from the closet. We can only go forward from here. I let him know what I need, and he promised to stay. It can only get better from here.

His lips press to my neck, sending a tingle down my spine. “Good morning.”

“Morning.”

His hand slips under my T-shirt, tracing small circles around my belly button. “I like waking up with you in my arms.”

“I like waking up in your arms,” I admit. It’s the best sleep I’ve had in a long time.

“I forgot to ask you yesterday . . . what are we doing tomorrow, for Christmas?”

“Mallory and I were going to Skype and watch A Christmas Story.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

“That would be a stupid thing to lie about.”

“Look,” he says, brushing his thumb along my hip. “Pencil me in. We’ll order a pizza and watch a real Christmas movie.”

I smile. “There is no other Christmas movie.”

“We’ll see about that,” he says, kissing the back of my neck again.

After a few moments, he starts to drift back to sleep as I cozy into him. Falling asleep in his arms last night was nice. No sex. No arguments or hurt feelings. It was just us being us for the first time.

When I’m convinced I won’t fall back asleep, I slide out of his arms. I make myself some coffee and curl up on the end of the couch, enjoying a rare peaceful morning. The holidays are a time to look back, and this year has certainly given me plenty to think about. I have so much to be thankful for.

“Hey,” Blake mumbles, stepping out of the bedroom. “My bed is cold without you.”

“Sorry. You’re welcome to join me,” I say, patting the spot next to me.

“Breakfast . . . I can’t live without my breakfast.”

“I guess you’re allowed since I’m awake,” I tease, watching him rummage through the refrigerator. He fries eggs while I watch the snow fall outside. If this is domestication, sign me up.

“I kind of wish I’d gone home for Christmas,” I say when he finally joins me on the couch after breakfast. He brings a full box of chocolate-covered cherries with him. I’m happy being here with him, but it’s not the same.

“What would you be doing now, if you were home?”

I smile, thinking about sitting at the table, watching Mom prepare di

He raises an eyebrow. “And you miss that?”

“Yeah, I do.” It’s not like Nebraska is a rare diamond that can’t be found anywhere else. It’s just where my heart is. “Why didn’t you go home?” I ask, curious.

He shrugs. “Since Mallory wasn’t coming home, my parents decided to go to Hawaii. I really can’t do Christmas in a Speedo. Besides, the holidays aren’t the same without snow.”

“I’m the same way. I think one of the things I miss most is our house—the way it looks when it’s covered in snow. It’s beautiful this time of year.” I stand, setting my coffee on the table. “Let me grab a picture so you can see what I’m talking about.”

I pull the scrapbook from my nightstand and hand it to Blake. Pages don’t have to be turned because it’s front and center on the cover. “It sort of reminds me of the mountain cabin my parents used to take us to in Colorado,” he remarks, ru

“I thought I was a city girl at heart, but the longer I’m away, the more I wonder if there’s any truth to that.”

He studies the photo for a second longer then looks up at me through his thick lashes. “It’s not the place you miss; it’s the people. When it comes down to it, they’re all that matters.”

“When did you start writing for Hallmark?”

He grins, sliding my scrapbook off his lap. “You think my thoughts are worth a greeting card?”

“They’re worth something.”

His eyes search mine, the way he looks at me pulling at my heart like a magnet. I want so badly to kiss him, to let his lips erase all the bad and remind me of when things were good. It’s one thing we haven’t done yet. This whole taking it slow thing sucks.

We watch a couple movies, laughing a lot along the way.

“Are you getting hungry?” he asks, breaking the spell.

“Eating something besides chocolate would be good.”

“I’m going to jump in the shower quick. Why don’t you order Chinese?” he suggests.

“Anything in particular?”

He laughs. “I’ll let you have your way since it’s Christmas Eve.”

“How kind of you,” I say as I watch him walk away.

“Don’t say I didn’t give you anything!” he yells as he disappears into his bedroom.