Imperfect

Fucking Sha

As though my thoughts have magically conjured her up, the back door of the bar opens and she steps out, squinting at the sudden brightness of the sun as it hits her in the eye. Raising a hand across her eyes to block it out, she spots me sitting against the wall and regards me with a thin purse of her lips.

I grimace as Keets appears over her shoulder; no second guesses are necessary to know who sold me out.

“Thanks a lot, man,” I slur, nodding at Keets as I raise a glass toward them. “Nice to know you’ve got my back.”

“I do have your back,” Keets protests, starting to step forward, but Sha

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Sha

“I’m waiting to die,” I answer, a little disturbed at how easily the statement slips off my tongue.

“It can’t be that bad,” Keets says with a small laugh. I shoot him a look that stops him in his tracks. Now’s not the time for his fucking jokes.

“Stone, I think you need to go home,” Sha

I need help, how the fuck do I get over an addiction that’s completely consumed me? Am I even worth saving? I’ve done some pretty shitty things in my life, but is it possible that Sha

Sha

We . . . I’d almost forgotten about Keets. I glance up at him, embarrassed, as I wipe away the last of my tears.

“It’s okay,” he says gruffly as he crouches down beside us and places a comforting hand on my shoulder. “We’ll get you through this.”

I have no idea how they think they’re going to get me through this. I’ve reached rock bottom, how can I begin to climb back up and out of this hole I dug? I want to tell her to leave while she can, I’m so close to telling her all about the young girl that haunts my nightmares. But I don’t. I can’t.

“He can’t stay here,” Keets murmurs to Sha

“I know,” she whispers. “You need to help me get him home.”

“Are you going to be okay?” he asks, indicating with his head toward me. “Addiction is a horrible thing to overcome, he’s going to be an asshole for a while.”

“Is that really any different than usual?” she grins.

“Hey,” I interject. “I’m still fucking here!”

“Oh come on,” Keets says with a laugh. “You know I’m just kidding.”  He turns back to Sha

Sha

For the first time in years, I feel a glimmer of hope that things will be okay.

It’s been a week since Stone has had a beer, and I honestly don’t know how he’s coping.

He’s been so quiet, often hiding out in his bedroom while I’ve slept in the spare room. I hear him crying at night and it breaks my heart, but I know he just needs time. I can’t begin to imagine what he’s been through, but I know it’s going to be a long time before he feels truly okay.

“Hey, Shan,” Ruth says, walking up to me at the bar with a tray of dirty glasses. “How’s Stone?”

“I don’t know,” I admit, taking the tray and unloading the glasses. “He’s barely said a word to me all week.”

“Just give it some time,” she offers, smiling at a young couple as they take a seat at the bar. “I’m sure he’s got a lot of crap to work through.”

I push my wheelchair across to the couple and quickly serve them their drinks.

“How’s Zeke?” I ask when we get another spare minute.

Ruth sighs. “He’s still not talking,” she says.

“Thank you for looking after him.”

“Oh, sweetie,” she starts, laying a hand lightly on my shoulder. “It’s my pleasure. He’s a good kid, but he’s been through so much with his mom . . .”

“And now his dad,” I finish the sentence for her.

Ruth smiles, but it seems a little forced. “It’ll be okay,” she tells me, glancing up as the door of the bar opens. “Great,” she mutters, quickly moving away. “I’ll leave this one to you.”

“What?” I ask, watching as she darts away.

I sigh in frustration and tuck a strand of hair behind my ear, wishing for the hundredth time tonight that I’d worn it up. It’s Saturday night, and the band is just setting up as the regulars trickle in. Unfortunately for me, some of those regulars aren’t all that friendly.

“Effie,” I say emotionlessly, nodding a greeting to Kensington as they take a seat at the bar.

“Sha

I raise my eyebrows disbelievingly. “No, Effie, my injured leg is nothing serious.”

“Oh, I’m so glad to hear it,” she says, completely missing my sarcasm. “You remember Mr. Kensington?”

“Of course,” I reply through gritted teeth.

“Miss Harper,” he says with a fake smile. “I hope you’ve considered my offer?”

“Uh, I’m still thinking about it,” I tell him, desperately looking around for Ruth. “Will you excuse me?” I don’t wait for an answer as I wheel my chair over to where Ruth appears to be flirting with a young guy. I’m a little surprised; I thought for sure things were working out with Keets.

“Ruth?” I say, calling her attention to me. “I have to get out of here.”

She nods understandingly. “Okay. Go into the office and wait. I’ll call Keets to pick you up and take you back to Stone’s.”

“Thanks.” I smile gratefully as I turn the wheelchair around and head for the office, pointedly ignoring Effie and Kensington.