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11
I'm an out-patient now. I live in a room. My parents moved away. I don't know where. I'm an adult now. Twenty-three years old.
I get a check. From the Government. Every month. It comes to where I stay. I pay my room rent. I eat in restaurants, but I don't eat that much. I'm not hungry much.
There is a television set in my room. I always leave it on. Messages come through it for me.
I don't take the medication very often, but I act like I am. Nobody looks that close.
12
They send you cues. That's the message, to watch for the cues. I go out, looking. The subways are the best. There's all kinds of crazy people in the subways. People never look at me that way. I look right. I'm careful.
I look carefully. At everything, I look. There's a third rail. It's death to touch it. If you look down, down into the pit, you can see the other tracks. Water runs between the tracks, like a river. You can see the things people throw there. Sometimes you can see a rat, watching up at the people.
The messages are everywhere, but they are never spoken. Not out loud. They come through things.
You have to watch them from behind because their eyes can burn you.
The first time, in the subway, the train came through the tu
From behind, they look alike unless you look close. If you can see their panties, the outline of their panties, under their skirts or their slacks, then that's them. That's how you know them.
The first time I saw that, the train was screaming in. I was jammed in behind her in the crowd. When I pushed her, she went right under the wheels. Then everybody screamed like the train.
Nobody ever said anything to me.
13
The message comes to me anytime. Especially in my room, where the medication doesn't block the signals. When I hear the message clear, I go out. To do my work.
I'm on a witch hunt.
Working Roots
Shawn knelt at the door to his tiny closet, worshipfully regarding a red shoebox. He slowly removed the lid and carefully removed his prize. Air Jordans, Nike's very best. The Rolls–Royce of sneakers, gleaming in pristine white with artful black accents. He turned one gently in his hands, admiring the intricate pattern of the soles, the huge padded tongue, the plastic window in the heel through which he could see the air cushions. No matter how closely he looked, Shawn could not find a single blemish to mar their perfection.
Almost two hundred dollars for a pair of sneakers. Gra
Gra
Yeah, Gra
"Shut up, fool!" Rufus replied.
Shawn saw the pain in his best friend's eyes–he felt ashamed again. Gra
Shawn had worked for his special sneakers. Worked hard. There was easy money to be made around the Projects, inside and out. The drug dealers were always looking for new ru
Now it was September, and school was starting. Shawn bought his own clothes this year, with the money he'd earned, Gra
When he'd gotten his first money from the newspaper driver, he bought Gra
"You been hustled, chump. That ain't nothin' but brass…turn green right around your neck."
Shawn gave the necklace to Gra
"Sometimes, people believe thinkin' the worst means they smart. It ain't always so, son," Gra
She always wore the necklace. And it never turned green.
Shawn couldn't really remember a time when he hadn't been with Gra
There was an "Unk" written in the space for his father's name on his birth certificate. Rufus explained that to him.
"Jus' means yo' momma didn't tell them yo' daddy's name at the hospital, that's all."
"Why wouldn't she tell them?"
"'Cause the Welfare go after him for the support money, see?"
Shawn nodded like he understood, but he was confused. Gra
"Came for the party, stayed for the funeral," Gra
Sometimes, people would come to the apartment to see Gra
Other folks, they said she was crazy.
School was tomorrow, and Shawn couldn't decide. His beloved sneakers wouldn't change his status sitting in his closet, but if he wore them outside…there was a risk. The Projects were full of roving ratpack gangs. They'd take your best clothes in a second, leave you bleeding on the ground if you tried to stop them. School was close by, but it was a long, long walk.