Every Wrong Reason

I mumbled something unintelligible so Nick took over and thanked her for us.

“We’ll need to keep her overnight for observation, but we might be able to send her home tomorrow. We’ll call you in the morning after we know more.”

Nick’s hand landed on my shoulder, squeezing it. “Can we see her?” he asked. “Just for a minute?”

“She’s still asleep from surgery,” Dr. Miller warned. “But you can see for yourself that she’s still alive. I know how scary losing a loved one is.”

I was sure she did. But the possibility of losing A

Nick grabbed my hand and pulled me after Dr. Miller. We followed her back to the post-op room where A

“It’s hard for her to breathe right now,” Dr. Miller explained. “But that will heal.”

Nick asked some logistical questions about home care while I walked to her side and gently trailed my fingertips over her plush ear. “Hi, baby girl,” I whispered. Tears sprang up in my eyes and fell before I could stop them. “I’m so sorry.” She made a whimpering noise and lifted her nose as if she could smell me. I spread my fingers out on her back and buried them in the thick softness of her fur.

Nick sidled up to me, pressing his chest into my side. He reached out and covered my hand with his. “You’re a tough one, A

The sincerity in his voice did something inside me. It felt like a wrecking ball as it crashed through my system, upheaving everything I thought I knew about life, love and living.

“You didn’t drive here, did you?” he asked me. His fingers moved over mine, stroking gently. I didn’t know if he was caressing A

“Mrs. Du

“Come on, then,” he murmured. His lips were right at my ear when he said, “I’ll give you a ride home.”

He took my hand and led me to the receptionist desk. I stood there dumbly while he filled out some paperwork and handed over his credit card. There was some small part of me that suggested I object to this. I should pay for this, right? I wasn’t even sure what exactly he was paying for.

I realized I didn’t have my wallet, though. I only had my cellphone and house keys. My purse was still at home.

Nick finished up with the receptionist and led me outside. The late afternoon had turned to dusky evening. The breeze had chilled again and the wet puddles of melted snow were starting to freeze.

I shivered against the change of weather. My jacket wasn’t enough to keep out the chill.

Nick noticed immediately, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and pulling me against his body. I loved the feel of his skin through his cotton shirt. I loved the hardness to his body, the lean muscle he worked so hard to keep. I loved that this was so familiar, that this was what I needed.

We reached his old Subaru Forester and I couldn’t help but smile. His car was even older than mine and had a bajillion miles on it. It was actually a decently reliable car, but it was just so old. He had always threatened that once it died for good, he was going to buy an old conversion van for the band.

Thank God it had never come to that while we were still together.

He opened the door for me and I climbed into the achingly familiar cab. I settled back in my seat and inhaled the scent that was his car, that was him, that was him in his car and years and years of memories.

He walked around the front and climbed in next to me. With a sly grin, he asked, “Did you miss her?”

I found myself smiling back. “I think I did.”

He looked forward again and started the car. The radio was on softly and he pointed to it, “This is a band I’m thinking about going to listen to.”

I sat quietly while the haunting sound filled the car. The girl had one of those instantly memorable voices, smoky, sexy and ethereal all at the same time. The instrumentation was incredibly good as well. There was something missing, though.

Nick noticed and said, “They need drums. And they need to grow up a little. But they’re good.”

“They are good,” I agreed.

I felt his eyes on me, but I couldn’t look at him. A sudden strong punch of sorrow hit my gut and I didn’t know how to recover from it.

I realized this was the only glimpse of Nick’s new life I would get. I gave him up. I gave this up. We would never talk music again. I wouldn’t get to go to shows with him anymore or listen to bands he wanted to go see. I wouldn’t get to hear him play his guitar or make up new lyrics to songs on the radio- usually about something dirty.

I wouldn’t get to see him live out this new leg of his life. I wouldn’t see him in his dream job or where it would take him. I would miss it all.

I was choosing to miss it all.

He pulled into the driveway and I couldn’t let the night end. I couldn’t let him leave me. I wasn’t ready for it yet. The car idled quietly. He was waiting for me to get out.

“Have you eaten anything?”

He turned to face me. I couldn’t look at him, but I felt the intensity of his expression, the raw concentration in his gaze. “I haven’t.”

I tilted my head and my gaze fell on his long fingers wrapped around the bottom of the steering wheel. “Do you want to come in? The least I could do is feed you.”

His voice dropped low and rough. “I’m not hungry.”

I licked my dry lips. “Come in anyway.”

Chapter Twenty-Two

29. I don’t know how to stop loving him.

I jumped out of the car, too nervous to hear him tell me no. I fumbled for the keys in my pocket and exhaled a whoosh of breath when I heard the car shut off and his door open and shut.

My fingers were still trying to work the keys in the lock when his body heat warmed my back and his hand settled low on my hip. His other hand covered mine with the keys and made them work for me, shoving the key into the lock and turning it.

We stumbled into the dark house, my feet causing the problems when they tripped on the rug. Nick caught me by squeezing my waist, yanking me back against his chest. My heart kicked into a gallop and my breath hitched in my chest.

His palm slid forward and splayed over my stomach, pressing hotly even through the layers of my jacket and long-sleeve tee beneath.

I could feel the hammering of his heart against my back, his ragged breath as it flowed in and out of him unevenly.

His head dipped until I felt his lips against my neck. “Kate,” he whispered and I shivered from the tickle of his mouth.

There was a pause between us as if the world stopped turning and time froze. I took in a breath and held it while I waited… waited for him to do something, to not do something, to turn around and escape.

That waited pause lasted an eternity. My fingers tingled from the fierce silence, the utter stillness. I thought I would die from anticipation.

Then everything burst into motion at once.

The keys jingled as he ripped them from the deadbolt and threw them on the ground. He slammed the door next, shaking the walls with his intention. I stood motionless, too afraid to move, too much of a coward to take what I wanted.

In the end, I didn’t need to take anything. Nick did the taking for the both of us.

His hand wrapped around my bicep and turned me to face him. My eyes were adjusting to the dark, but I didn’t get a chance to take him in before his mouth descended on mine, consuming me with his dizzying kiss.

His mouth moved against mine with a hunger that made me weak. I responded immediately, as desperate and greedy for him as he was for me.