Every Wrong Reason

Something slammed against the lockers outside my classroom and I squeaked in surprise. My heart immediately jumped into overdrive with the possibilities of what that sound meant.

No, I cringed. Not on the last day.

Please don’t make me call the police.

I really didn’t want to fill out paperwork today of all days. I just wanted to survive finals, go home and bundle up until only my eyes could be seen. And my fingers when I needed to push buttons on the remote.

Was that really so much to ask?

“I’ll kill you, motherfucker.” Another body or maybe it was the same body slammed into the locker again and I jumped to my feet.

They, whoever they were, sounded serious.

A surge of adrenaline pulsed through me and I fumbled with my locked drawer for a minute. When I finally wrenched it open, I grabbed my phone and left the drawer dangling there. I didn’t have time to worry about someone stealing my wallet right now.

Besides, I didn’t get paid until Friday. All they would get from me today was one, embarrassingly low credit limit and three hundred dollars in my checking account.

I sprinted into the hall and then slid to a stop. I should have looked first. Goddamn it, I should have called for help first.

Andre Gonzalez had Jay Allen pressed against the lockers on my side of the hallway with a knife balanced against his throat. A small bead of blood dripped from a tiny cut in Jay’s neck and I swallowed against the panic that crimson dot pulled out of me.

“Wh-what are you doing?” I sounded as afraid as I felt and I hated my weakness.

Two of Andre’s gangster friends flanked him. Neither had produced a weapon yet, but I wasn’t stupid enough to think they didn’t have one. They glared at me with a wildness that sent my stomach plummeting to my toes.

“Go back in your classroom, Ms. C,” Andre instructed. “You don’t want to get involved in this.”

He was not wrong.

Jay pushed against Andre, pulling everyone’s attention back to him. “You’re dead, puta. You should never have put your hands on me.”

“How-how did you get that past the metal detectors?” I squeezed my cellphone in my hand and wondered where the other teachers were. Where were the other students? Except that this wing of the school was mostly quiet during this period. I glanced up and down the hall, but most of the classrooms were dark.

Andre gri

“Andre, please let him go. You can’t kill him at school. It’s almost Christmas break. Can’t you kill him during that?”

Andre cocked his head back in surprise. His grin spread and genuine laughter barked out of him. “He’ll run. I’ll never find him if I let him go now.”

“Please don’t kill him,” I pleaded. Everything inside of me shook. I could barely stay standing. Tears pricked at my eyes and adrenaline surged through me, making everything feel extra bright, extra real.

Andre stood up suddenly and pressed his fingers against the dull side of the knife to close it. He slipped it back into his pocket and shrugged casually. “Ms. Carter, it’s just a figure of speech. I wasn’t really going to kill him.”

I nodded to reassure him, but I didn’t believe him. Not in any way. “I know,” I whispered.

Andre’s scary gaze swung back to Jay, “You’d better get my money.”

Jay jerked his chin up, “I’ll get it.”

Andre took a step toward him again in an attempt to shield me from his next threat, “Better watch your back until it’s in my pocket, culo.”

Jay’s jaw clenched dangerously, “I said I would get it.”

Andre stepped back again and turned his attention to me. “You’ll never find this knife.”

I understood what he was saying. I didn’t argue. “Okay.”

“And you don’t have any witnesses. Jay’s not going to talk. Are you, Jay?”

Jay didn’t say anything, but he didn’t have to. I did, though. I needed to reassure Andre I wasn’t going to turn him in. “Okay, Andre. I won’t say anything either.”

“It wouldn’t matter if you did or not,” Andre gri

I nodded. I couldn’t stop nodding. “I get it.”

His smile died and he pi

Andre and his thugs walked down the hallway with the kind of swagger that told me they believed they were completely untouchable. They believed they could act like thugs and threaten teachers and hold knives to other people’s throats and nothing bad would ever happen to them.

I watched them go and wondered if I would ever see Andre again. Sometimes things like this happened and the offending student never came back. As soon as their autonomy was questioned, they gave up school for good and left for the life they believed was inevitable. A life on the streets.

I couldn’t decide if I wanted Andre to come back or not.

On one hand, he was smart. Too freaking smart. He could do something with his life. He could go places. Do things.

On the other hand, he had threatened me.

This school.

My legs finally gave out and I slid down the lockers until I was a messy heap on the floor. I felt like bursting into tears, but I held them back. I had to make it through the rest of the day. I couldn’t breakdown now.

I’d wait until later… until I was locked safely in my home... until I was away from this place.

Jay slid down next to me and I jumped. I’d forgotten he was here.

He sat a foot away; his legs stretched out and crossed at the ankles. He crossed his arms over his chest too and stared at his shoes thoughtfully.

I didn’t know what to say to him. I knew what I wanted to say. I wanted to yell at him for ever getting caught up in something so stupid. I wanted to hit him on the back of the head and ask what the hell he was thinking. I wanted to know why he owed Andre money and how he pla

I didn’t say anything.

He wouldn’t have answered any of my questions. And honestly, I was still trying to recover the ability to form words.

I was a trembling, terrified mess.

“Thanks, Ms. C.,” Jay finally said in a low, sincere voice.

I looked up at him, jerking through an especially bad shiver and nodded my head. “Don’t ever let that happen near me again.”

He looked over at me with big eyes. “I wasn’t pla

My fierce conviction was evident when I said, “I mean it, Jay. Next time I’ll call the cops before I ever step foot outside my classroom. Don’t think I won’t.”

“You should have done that today!” The look in his dark eyes told me he meant it. “In fact, you should never have come out here! Damn, Ms. C., what were you thinking? Isn’t there school policy or some shit? Next time call the police and lock your damn door.”

I ignored all of his valid points and growled, “Goddamn, Jay! There better not be a next time.”

His lips twitched like he was trying not to laugh and I wanted to smack him again. “There won’t be. At least not at school anyway.”

“You shouldn’t be messed up with this.” I dropped my face into my hands so that my words were muffled but still loud enough for him to hear. “You should know better. You’re too smart for this shit.”

“This shit?” This time I heard him chuckle but I chose to ignore it. “Besides, Ms. C., you have to say that. You’re my teacher.”

I let my hands fall to my lap, “Maybe I have to say it, but it’s also true. You’re brilliant, Jay. You could use that brain power for good.”

“Not where I’m from.”

“So move! Graduate from high school and move away. That neighborhood doesn’t define you. This city doesn’t define you. That’s something you get to decide. That’s your choice.”

His jaw clenched again and I started to worry I was pushing him too hard. “You make it sound so easy.”