Every Wrong Reason

I put the cell slowly back to my mouth. “I’ll call you back, Fi. Something came up here.”

“You’d better!” I heard her call, but I pushed end without saying goodbye.

“Was that Fiona?” Nick asked without preamble.

“Yeah.” I took a solid minute to adjust to his presence, and then demanded, “What are you doing here?”

He took another bite of ice cream to hide his smile. “You literally say that every time you see me.”

“You just… I’m just… Nick!”

He gri

It was a shock to see him, but even more so to find him so attractive. It felt like I hadn’t seen him in years or like maybe I’d never seen him before. My entire body reacted, took notice of every angular cut to his body and unique characteristic to his face.

When was the last time I had looked at him like this?

When was the last time I had seen him?

“Kate, you okay?”

I cleared my throat and nodded curtly. “I’m fine. Just, you know, surprised to see you.”

He tilted his head toward the kitchen window. “Mr. Kirkpatrick asked to borrow my jack. I swung over to get it to him.”

“You could have called me. I could have walked it next door.” He raised one eyebrow and I found myself smiling. “Okay, point taken.”

“It only took a minute anyway.”

“And the ice cream?”

“I skipped lunch and somebody was taunting me yesterday with texts about Ruby’s. I’m starving. I was actually looking for something more substantial.”

I felt a blush stain my cheeks. “I’ve been meaning to go to the store.”

He watched me for a minute. I didn’t know what he was looking for or I would have tried to hide it from him. His silence grew awkward so I turned toward my discarded bags, deciding I should put everything away before I forgot.

“Do you have a gig tonight?” I kept my eyes on my task, hoping to avoid his forearms and the silly things they did to my insides.

He didn’t answer right away and it was just on the tip of my tongue to ask him to leave if he wasn’t going to talk to me when he said, “No, not tonight.”

“Then what’s with the clothes?”

“The what?”

I glanced over at him and our gazes locked for a moment before I tore mine away. “You look nice. I just thought… I thought you might have somewhere to be tonight. It’s Friday.”

I felt his smile from across the room, even though I wouldn’t look at him. “I know it’s Friday.”

“Well, you usually have gigs on Fridays.”

“Not every Friday.”

Irritation bubbled through me. “You’re right; sometimes they’re on Saturdays instead.”

He pushed back the stool and stood up. I heard him clattering around as he took his dish to the sink and washed it out. Leaning over, I noticed that he’d already washed the dishes I’d left in the sink. They sat on the drying rack perfectly clean. “I, uh, I’m taking a little break from the band. You know, while I figure shit out.”

My heart tripped in my chest. That was something I had wanted to hear for a long time. I had never wanted him to quit music entirely. I knew he couldn’t. And I also knew he shouldn’t. He was too good. And it was too vital to who he was as a human.

I never wanted to crush his dreams.

But I had also wondered if maybe his dreams needed to change. He had been tired of constant shows that paid little and got him nowhere. He had been exhausted from feeling like a failure and never getting to the place he wanted to be.

When we first started dating his music gave him life, it made him come alive. After his shows, it was like he was riding a high, completely buzzing with the energy that performing gave him.

But lately he had come home angry and irritable. Gigs were more likely to suck the joy completely out of him than give him that same rush of adrenaline and fulfillment.

He hated it when I pointed that out. He hated that I didn’t believe in him… that I didn’t think he could make it.

What he didn’t realize was that it wasn’t that I didn’t think he was good enough, I saw that he had started to think that he wasn’t good enough.

And it killed me as much as it killed him.

I stopped fiddling with my bags and set them down on our kitchen table with a long sigh. “You really don’t have a show?”

He turned around and leaned back against the counter, crossing his arms over his chest. “I really don’t have a show.”

“Oh.” I tried not to stare at his clothes. He worked part time for a moving company, so he never would wear nice clothes to work.

Was it a date?

Oh, god. I thought I would be sick from the sudden, acrid burst of jealousy inside me.

He turned back around to wash his dish and so I went back to emptying my lunch bag into the trash, trying not to plot murder in the first degree for the unknown female. I heard him fiddling with the faucet but refused to turn around. I couldn’t stare at him the entire time he was here. Maybe if I ignored him, he’d get the hint and go away.

“This is leaking,” he a

Immediately I felt defensive. “I didn’t break it.”

His chuckle surprised me so I whirled back around. “I didn’t say you did.”

“Well, you don’t live here anymore. I figured the accusation was implied.”

Something dark flashed in his eyes and I had to look away. Suddenly, my heart was in my throat and I forgot how to breathe.

“I’m not blaming you, Kate. A leaky sink is hardly a sin anyway.”

I nodded, still unable to look at him. God, what was with this guilt? When had I started worrying about his feelings or how I hurt them?

The silence between us became stilted and uncomfortable. I had just gathered up enough courage to ask him to leave so he could go on his stupid unconfirmed date, when he shocked the hell out of me by asking, “Do you want me to fix it? Most of my tools are still in the garage.”

“If you don’t fix it, will it like… break the house?”

His lips twitched and I noticed he had to look away from me too. But not because he felt bad. He was trying not to laugh. “It’s better if I fix it,” he said.

“That would be great. Thank you.”

He pushed his sleeves up higher and then bent down so he could look under the sink. I hovered uncertainly. What was I supposed to do now? Should I keep him company? Did I need to watch him so he didn’t try to steal the dog?

Did I have time to steal his phone and figure out who the other woman was? The one he pla

Should I check myself into a mental health facility because clearly I’d lost my damn mind?

“Go do whatever it is you need to do,” he called out from under the sink, his voice slightly muffled with his head in the cabinet. “Don’t worry about me.”

I leaned over the island so I could see him better. “Are you sure? Can I get you something?”

“Go, Katie. I know you want to get out of those clothes.”

I looked down at my outfit, wondering how he knew that. Er, how he remembered that. Obviously we’d lived together for seven years so he did know some of my habits.

My gaze traveled over his toned back and the nice shirt that hugged his ru

Instead of bothering him anymore, I escaped upstairs. I stared at my closet for longer than I should, debating what to wear.