Never Say Never

“You’re kind too. One of the kindest I’ve ever met.”

She wrinkles her nose. “Nah. I just like horses more than people.”

I laugh and look at Phoenix, trying to see the beauty behind the fear and the scars. “Do you ever wonder why people are cruel?” I have, quite often. And not just people, but the world. When the darkness takes over, I struggle to see the point of living in the world.

“We live in a world where people mistake kindness for weakness, and nobody wants to be weak,” she says slowly. “I think people confuse courage with cruelty sometimes, but they couldn’t be more wrong. It takes courage to be kind, to do what should be done. Standing up for yourself, doing what’s best for you…where do you draw the line? At the expense of others?” She shakes her head and lets out a breath. “Being kind doesn’t mean you get walked over. It means doing the right thing, not the easy thing. It’s having mercy and wanting to contribute to a world that’s larger than yourself.”

Her words awaken something inside of me that tingles uncomfortably: the truth. I’ve done what was easy, what made me look and feel good in that moment. I’ve put others down, taken advantage of anyone I could, and used my fame to get my way. That’s what I’m supposed to do, right? How could it be wrong if it was expected?

“Ready to ride?” she asks, taking a step back.

“As long as you are.”

“I am,” she says. “I’m going to run inside and pee first, and grab us water bottles and food.”

“That’s a good idea,” I tell her as I follow her out of the stall. She eyes Phoenix one more time, a slight smile still on her lips. I change while she uses the bathroom, putting on jeans, a baseball cap, and sunglasses. When I go back downstairs, Haley is on the back porch, calling Chrissy inside.

“It’s too hot for you,” she tells the dog. I love how she talks to animals like they are people and can understand. “Stay in here where it’s cool and I’ll let you out later, okay?” She gives the dog a treat before we go into the pasture to bring in the horses.

A short while later, they are saddled up. She holds Be

“He’s an asshole,” she says as she effortlessly gets on Shakespeare. He stands perfectly still. I watch her sink into the saddle and relax instantly. It’s been a long time sine she’s ridden, but it looks so natural for her. The worn leather of the reins slides through her fingers, and her feet slip into the stirrups. Her shoulders go back and she smiles, tilting her head to the sun. “Don’t be afraid to be assertive with him.”

“Thanks for making me ride the arse,” I say, raising an eyebrow.

Haley laughs. “If he’s too bad, we’ll switch. He’s good on trails though, and he’ll pretty much just follow Shakespeare anywhere.”

She cues the white horse forward, and Be

“Do you see that barn?” she asks, pointing across a weedy field that’s encased by trees.

I lean forward, one hand on the saddle horn, and squint. “I think so. I see something.”

“That barn and the land has been for sale for years. It’s way overpriced, but my mom wanted to buy it and expand the farm. She wanted to take in more rescues.”

“Sounds like she was an amazing person,” I say.

“She was.” Haley takes a breath and runs her fingers through Shakespeare’s mane. “The barn is full right now. Sundance shouldn’t be there, or he should at least be in the process of finding a home, but, well, you know. Having another barn for more rescues would be nice.”

“Isn’t it a little far from your house?” I ask.

“It’s not that bad, really. My mom had the crazy idea of making it a legit non-profit organization with workers, and ru

She cues Shakespeare forward and turns around, and sunlight sparkles in her eyes. “How good of a rider are you? You said you’re, uh, a begi

I laugh. “That’s a nice way of putting it. I think I’m okay, but the horses I ride are always very well trained with their handler nearby. I get constant cues and help,” I admit. It’s not like this, even though you’d never guess by watching someone riding a horse on TV or in a movie. Someone is nearby at all times. I’m never just out in the open.

I’m never free like this.

She pushes Shakespeare into a trot and circles around. “Put your arms down,” she says. “If Be

“Come again?”

“Here, watch Shakespeare.” She loosens her reins and asks him forward. She shifts her weight, sitting on the back pockets of her jeans, and the horse stops. “He’s very responsive. Be

“And they can feel all this through the saddle?”

“Oh yeah. Horses are incredibly sensitive creatures. Shakespeare is calmer and easier to ride than Be

“I’m starting to think I’m clueless about horses.”

“Not totally. You’re doing really well. I’m kind of nit-picking. It’s hard not to do.” She smiles and trots around us again. “And I do like a man who can ride.”

“And I like a woman who can handle sixteen hands between her legs.”

She laughs. “Shakespeare isn’t that tall.” Be

Haley takes a deep breath and looks up at the patchy sun shining through dense leaves. “I don’t know why I waited so long to ride again. Thank you, Aiden. Thank you for everything.”

I walk Be

“Be

“He really is an arse.” I laugh and give a little tug on the reins, keeping him in check.

“He is. Come on,” she says, and she pushes Shakespeare into a canter. “There’s something I want to show you.”

We run through the woods, the wind blowing against us. It’s exhilarating, freeing, and I finally see why people love horses so fucking much. For the first time, I get it. Hooves pound beneath me in time with my pulse. I have just enough control to not be afraid, but I know that I’m at Be

We burst through the woods into a su