Danny's Main

Chapter Fifteen

Your Mere Existence

“SO YOU’RE SAYING I’ll never be able to have babies, ever?” Julie’s voice broke as the question left her mouth. She felt Da

“I’m sorry.” Dr. Burke’s compassionate eyes moved between hers and Da

“Obviously there was no choice to be made.” Da

He’ll fix this. He’ll make it better.

“Let me understand what you’re telling us…because of what happened, we can’t have children. The baby that we lost is the only one we’ll ever have?” Da

“Biologically, yes,” the doctor answered. “I’m so sorry. I wish I had better news for you, different answers, but I don’t.”

“We wish you had different answers too,” he murmured.

Julie’s lungs burned with the need for air. She hadn’t let so much as a breath escape her body for fear of breaking down, never to be fixed again. Her gaze cut to her husband, ramrod straight in the expensive leather chair, tight jaw, wet eyes, but a supportive grasp on her hand. She kept letting him down, and he kept holding her close. They would have no children, no family.

With Da

***

DANNY JOINED JULIE at the first therapy session after leaving the doctor’s office, which, thanks to the therapist and her magical schedule, was just hours after receiving the crippling news. In that office, they cried in each other’s arms, screamed at the unfairness of life, and determined that Julie would benefit from sessions twice weekly until the initial crisis passed.

Two weeks had passed since the fateful obstetrician’s appointment, and while Julie didn’t revert entirely to where she had been after she lost their daughter, she regressed deeply at first.

After sixteen days, Sheila contacted Da

With Da

Da

The problem was that it had been four and a half months since she’d let him touch her. Four and a half months since he’d given her more than a peck on the cheek or squeezed her hand. They’d spent their whole marriage sleeping skin to skin, and she now slept in long sleeves and sleep pants. While he could continue to give her space, he feared the space was creating issues that would eventually cause a rift.

Julie had always loved his dominant ways. She bloomed under his words and writhed beneath his touch. For months he’d stayed back, fearful of pushing her before she was ready, scared to lose her due to impatience.

He snickered without humor at his reflection in the men’s room mirror at work. “You’ll lose her ‘cause you’ve been acting like a pussy.” New dreams will be made. He left the restroom and headed to his post.

In the months that he’d watched his wife grieve, blocking him out, keeping pain in, it was Chester who had become his closest confidant. After work that day, Da

“If she freely gives you control in the bedroom, she wants you to control her in the bedroom,” his friend said.

“Chester, no offense, man, but she’s in a bad place. She barely comes near me.”

“Dan, no offense, boy, and believe me, this advice doesn’t come easy bein’ as I think of her as a daughter, but there comes a time when you’ll need to start thinking as a couple and not just about her. The shit that went down, son—it tears couples apart. That I can promise. You’ll know when it’s time, and when it is, take back the control she’s given you. Take it back in a way that she knows she’s loved and safe, but that’s it.”

“What?”

Chester huffed. “She’s hurtin’, ru

“Ah,” The proverbial light bulb pinged over Da

“By George, I think he’s got it.” Chester chuckled and ended their call.

Da

###

“A MINT CHOCOLATE chip milk shake!” Her eyes lit up as she dipped her spoon into the extra-thick novelty. “Let me guess, a vanilla one for you, huh?” He always loved watching her “drink” shakes with a spoon. “Did you do something wrong, Mr. Marcus?” Her brow arched with mock accusation as her mouth opened wide to accept another generous scoop.

“No, babe, I passed the ice cream shop on my way home from work and figured you could use a treat.”

They had both worked day shift and had the night off. It was the first time in over a week their schedules allowed for that, and he pla

“Mmm, so good.” She swiped a napkin off the kitchen table and padded on bare feet to the family room. She cozied up on the sofa with her shake and the television remote. “Wheel of Fortune is starting. Come sit with me.”

Together, they watched the game show while calling out answers before the contestants, high-fiving when they were correct, laughing each time they guessed wrong. Da

Click.

“Da

That question was the only one he needed to hear, and the answer was clear. Da

“Jeopardy, huh? Okay, the answer is…your mere existence.” Da