Paper Thin

This girl is perfect for Will.

“Candace, this is Char. Char this is my girlfriend, Candace.” Will introduced us properly. I didn’t wince at the mention of the G word like I thought I might. Somehow, I was beyond wincing. Will and Candace were great together. Picture-perfect, in fact. “This is Char’s roommate, Sadie, and I’m sorry, but I don’t know your name.” He nodded to Jeff.

“I’m Jeff, Sadie’s boyfriend.” He held out a hand. They shook, and all I could think about was if Will noticed how weak Jeff’s handshake was.

“So did you two meet on the mission trip?” How the words managed to form in my head and then slip past my lips in a normal voice was amazing.

“Yeah.” There was a twinkle in Will’s eye when he answered. The memory of their first encounter must have surfaced front and center in his mind. “The group was a mashup of loads of people from all over the world, and by some crazy coincidence, Candace was actually from here. How we missed meeting each other for the last two years is beyond me.” He laughed. Candace laughed. Sadie laughed. Jeff laughed. So, I did too, even though I didn’t want to.

Go figure, Will’s perfect girl had been here at Bradly University after all. She just wasn’t me.

“Like I’ve said before, it wasn’t the right time. Fate is fu

Fate? Screw fate. Fate hated me. This was proof.

“That’s so fu

“Why don’t you two have a seat?” Jeff offered. “I’d love to pick your brain. Going on a mission trip is something I’ve always wanted to do.”

My throat felt like it might close. Sitting with them was not something I wanted to do. I glanced at my beer. It was nearly half-full, which meant to be polite, I would have to tolerate listening to Will and Candace talk until I finished before I could leave.

“We were actually getting ready to head to the movies.” Will glanced over his shoulder. The group they were with was standing and tossing money on the table as though they were preparing to leave. “Maybe tomorrow night? Raincheck?” His eyes were on me. Why were his eyes on me? I wasn’t the one who invited him to sit.

“I won’t be here, but I’m sure you could set something up with these two.” I motioned to Sadie and Jeff.

“Where are you going?”

I was so glad I had something real to give as an excuse. It made things so much easier. “Home for the weekend.”

Concern darkened the sparkle Candace seemed to spread through Will’s features. Maybe that had always been our problem; I was too dark for Will. He needed someone who was more sunshine and rainbows like him. “Is everything okay?”

He asked because he knew about my mother. I loved his concern. I wanted to bask in it. “Yeah. Everything’s fine. My sister is having her engagement party.” I smiled because this was happy news. At least it should be. For some reason, I felt nothing when I said it. The words were flat tasting on my tongue. Maybe that would change when I met the guy.

“Oh, that’s great! Congratulations to her,” Candace automatically replied. Her enthusiasm for my sister, someone she had never met before, irked me.

“Good. I’m glad you’re going home for something good,” Will said. He meant it. The concern left his eyes, and the Candace glimmer effect took over once more.

“Thanks.” I took another sip of my beer, and then pushed the glass away. “I should finish packing and get some sleep. I’ve got a long drive in the morning.”

“Are you sure?” Sadie wanted to add more, but she didn’t. We’d been friends long enough now for me to know there were hidden questions within her look and tone.

I nodded as I stood. “Yeah. I’ll see you later.” Even though I didn’t want to look at the two of them again, I shifted my gaze to Will and Candace. “I’m glad you made it back safely. And it was nice to meet you, Candace. We should catch up and all hang out sometime after I get back.” I hoped we wouldn’t, but it was a nice thought anyway.

“Yeah, definitely.” Will leaned in and gave me a hug. The sensation of his arms around me felt wrong with Candace there. It wasn’t the same. “Have a safe trip.”

“I will. Thanks.”

And then I walked out. Packing. That was what I needed to focus on. Not Will. Not Candace. Not how it still wasn’t our time, or that it might never be. Packing. Emma. Her mystery fiancé. That was what my mind needed to be on. So I forced it.

BY THE TIME I made it to my dorm, the heartbreak from seeing Will with someone else had already made me numb. He wasn’t mine and more than likely never would be. We were friends, and friends was better than nothing when it came to Will. I had decided somewhere along the ten-minute trek I was fine with being nothing more than friends forever with him.

Let. It. Go. That’s what I continued to tell myself. Packing. Focus on packing. I hated packing, almost as much as I hated Parish Cove.

It wasn’t a place anyone found and decided to make their home. It was a place everyone tried their damnedest to get away from, but there was always something that pulled them back. For me, it was Emma and our mom. They were my ties to the dreadful little speck of a town.

Maybe now that Emma was getting married she wouldn’t care if I came home again. From the things I learned about Mom’s sickness online, it wouldn’t be long before my being gone didn’t faze her in the slightest. Hope bloomed through my mind, causing instant guilt to trickle through my veins. When had I become such a horrible daughter?

Emma didn’t need my help with Mom. She had things under control. It was what she was best at. Organization. Structure. Taking charge. That was Emma in a nutshell. I was as far from any of those descriptions as could be. It wasn’t that I tried to be; it was just the way things were.

Emma and I were like night and day.

Back when we were little, our mom would joke about it. I was the wild one. A tad bit clumsy and harbored no fear as a child. Emma was a careful worry wart. She thought too much about things and rarely ever did anything to upset our mom. She was the goodie-goodie, while I was the risk taker.

Night and day was the perfect way to describe us.

An old memory of how our mom used to define me to others flashed through my mind. She used to say I was a free spirit, her flowerchild. The one who made her stop to smell the roses without looking for bees and worrying about the thorns. Warmth bloomed through my chest at the memory.

I missed my mom.

Darkness settled in on my thoughts as I remembered how different things were now. It wasn’t because I had grown up. It was because Mom was different now. The sickness had latched on to her, and there was no way it would ever let go.

I hoped whoever Emma had said yes to understood the issues surrounding our mother. I hoped he would be there for her when she needed support the most, when the days with Mom seemed never-ending, and Emma wasn’t sure she could stomach another one, because I couldn’t be there. I couldn’t be the person she leaned on for support with this. I refused to see our mother slip away, becoming someone unrecognizable while tarnishing any good memories I had left of her.

Mom’s sickness had turned me into a weak, sacred little girl. Only I was too stubborn to admit it to Emma. Instead, I kept my distance and avoided her calls. I let her believe I was selfish and cold because I didn’t want her to know the truth—that I couldn’t do what she did, because I would never be as strong as her.

I reached for the jade green suitcase Emma had bought me before I left for Bradley University and tugged on the zipper. The suitcase had been meant for me to use while I traveled between school and home, but two years later, it was barely broken in. I never could bring myself to return home except for the major holidays, Thanksgiving and Christmas.