Paper Thin

Sadie’s words stung. The truth always did though. “I left it all in her lap. I’m selfish, I know.”

“I didn’t say you were selfish. I don’t think of it that way. It’s more like, she’s the oldest. She’s finished with school, has a career, and is able to take care of your mom. She’s stable and you’re not there yet.” She let out a huff of air. “That’s not what I meant either. Why do you keep letting me talk? It’s like I’m digging a damn hole deeper with each sentence.”

I laughed, able to see the humor in the situation. I knew she wasn’t trying to be mean or offend me in anyway. “I know what you’re trying to say. I think,” I tacked on to tease her.

“She’s letting you experience things. She’s being a big sister, and protecting you from all of it by taking it on herself.”

“Never become a physiatrist, okay? You really suck at this.” I chuckled in an attempt to hide what she was really making me feel—that I was a horrible sister who was acting like a child. Our mom had gotten sick, and I packed up and left for school because I thought I was entitled to. What the hell was wrong with me?

“I know! I’m sorry!” she squealed in my ear. “Topic shift?”

“Okay.”

“Who was this hottie you happened to impress when you got there?” I could picture her sitting on the edge of her bed, waiting for me to unleash some romantic tale. “Tell me who fate brought to your doorstep this weekend.”

A pang of emotion pinched at the back of my throat. “It didn’t bring anyone I could have. False alarm.” I tried to go for a light tone, but failed.

“What happened? I figured you’d have some juicy stuff to tell me.”

“Oh, it’s juicy, just not in the way you think.” I dropped the stick I’d been holding and wiped my hand against my pajama shorts to get the dirt off. I didn’t know where to start when it came to Dawson. Sadie didn’t know him, which made everything seem as though it would sound melodramatic. All she knew was that I was stalking the guy on Facebook when we first met. I wondered if I could get away with leaving that detail out for now. Everything was embarrassing enough. “The guy lived at the end of my street while I was growing up. He still does actually.”

“Sexy neighbor, I like where this is going,” she purred in my ear.

A small chuckle worked its way past my lips. “Yeah. He was my first real crush, you know?” I couldn’t think of a way to explain the way I’d felt for Dawson back then that would make her understand.

“God, I remember my first real crush. Every time I was around him, I thought I was either going to throw up or faint.” The whimsical tone to her voice let me know she understood. “So, did you come in and knock this guy out with your beauty and awesome style?”

I pursed my lips together. “Not really.” I wasn’t sure what I’d done. My mind drifted back to the lake, to what he was going to say. We seemed to have a moment. Heck, I thought we were flirting, but then he’d cut it all off. I squeezed my eyes shut, and reminded myself why.

“What do you mean?” Sadie’s voice broke through my thoughts.

“I don’t know.” I sighed. “One minute I was waiting in line to pay for my gas, and then the next he was calling me by my full name in this deep, sexy voice that was the same as when I’d last seen him, but different.”

“He’s a man now. The teenager you lusted for is still there, staring you in the face, but he’s mixed with this mature man. Right?”

She’d nailed it. “Yeah. Exactly like that. It’s strange.”

“I get it. Same thing happened to me the last time I went home for a visit.”

I remembered her mentioning something about a guy named Max. “Oh yeah. Max, right?”

“Yup.” She took another sip of whatever she was drinking. “I slept with him, and got him out of my system. You should do the same.”

Her words didn’t surprise me. Sadie was bold. She didn’t care what anyone thought about her. She was who she was, and she did what she wanted. If someone didn’t approve or care for her actions, then she didn’t waste time worrying over them. She kept right on going. I envied her ability to do this.

“I remember that too.” My nose crinkled as I readied myself to tell her why I couldn’t do what she’d done. “I can’t sleep with him though.”

“Why not? Is he with someone?” While Sadie might be open to one-night stands, she still had limitations. Anyone already in a relationship was off limits. She didn’t like cheaters.

“Yeah. Emma.” A weight lifted off my shoulders. It was nice to finally tell someone.

“No way!” She shouted in my ear so loud, I had to pull my phone away. “Your sister is marrying your dream guy from childhood? Wait a minute, is this the Facebook guy you were stalking when I first met you?”

Damn it, she’d clicked it all together. “Yup.” I didn’t give her a chance to freak out, I pressed forward with what was really bothering me. “What makes it worse is that I was flirting with him before I found out.”

“Oh my God.” Her tone made my cheeks heat. “Was he flirting back?” There was skepticism in her voice. I knew where she was going with it. If I said yes, she would insist I tell Emma everything.

“Not really.”

“He either was or he wasn’t. There isn’t an in between when it comes to flirting.”

“He wasn’t. He was just being nice.” A chilly breeze blew a few strands of hair in my face, and I swiped them behind me ear. “When we ran into each other in the gas station, he only spoke to me because we hadn’t seen each other in so long. I think he was surprised to see me. It wasn’t anything flirty, just hellos and how have you beens.”

“But…?” she pressed, knowing there was more to the story.

“But, when I spotted him swimming at the lake the other night, it was something different. Almost like there would have been some flirting happening, if he hadn’t been involved with my sister already.” Was I right in saying so, or had I imagined it all? The sentence he’d never finished popped into my head. I knew where that conversation would have gone. Had he not been in a relationship with my sister, or anyone for that matter, I would have been talked into ski

Goose bumps prickled along my skin from the thought. Even though he was with Emma, I couldn’t deny the attraction I still felt toward him. Thank God I was going home in a few hours, because this internal tetherball match with my emotions was driving me insane.

“Did he tell you that he was marrying your sister? Was that how everything came to a halt?”

“No. He sort of walked away from me,” I admitted.

“He walked away from you?” She sounded appalled. “Without saying anything about your sister?”

“It was a weird moment.” I sighed, wondering how I could explain to her the situation I was in. “We used to go to the lake when we were kids and swim all the time. That is actually where he gave me my first kiss.”

“Okay. Wait. You’re confusing me. Why did he give you your first kiss? I thought he was a crush, not an old boyfriend.”

“He was just a crush.” It seemed so wrong to say that. Dawson had been more to me than a crush. “He’s Emma’s age, so he’s like three years older than me. He was leaving for college. I was sad he was leaving, and confessed my feelings for him. You know how that goes. I thought I could make him stay or something.” Embarrassment crawled through me, slow and torturous from admitting that out loud.

“And?” she pressed. This was apparently the type of juiciness she had wanted to hear.

“Obviously, I was too young for him to date. I don’t know how it happened, but then he kissed me.” If I tried, I could still feel his warm lips pressing against mine. It was so gentle and sweet.

“Was it perfect?” There was a dreaminess embedded within her question. It was the hopeless romantic coming out in her.

“Yeah, it was.” I cleared my throat. “So, I was sort of caught up in the nostalgia of the moment and flirted with him a little the other night. I think the same thing happened to him. It didn’t last long, a few seconds maybe, and then he was climbing out of the water and gone.”