Страница 87 из 103
My Baby Girl…
“She loved X, too.” Alys sniffled. “And not once have any of us asked her how she’s handling it.” Her face crumpled, and she sobbed into her hands. “She’s never let me down! And how do I repay her? I fucking get wasted and pass out on top of her fiancé!”
“Alys—” I whispered, my heart ceasing to beat.
“She looked so lost and so mad and so…there’s something wrong with her! Can’t you feel it?”
Yeah. Yeah, I could.
Now that I was sober and thinking again, I could feel that shit wasn’t right with my Baby Girl. She was hurting beyond any of us.
“We have to tell her we never meant to—”
“She knows!” Alys wailed. “She knows that nothing happened, Phil! It was just the last straw for her!”
Fuck, my heart stopped again. “What do you mean?”
“I mean…Ke
Alys was right. Ke
I hadn’t stopped and considered her at all.
The silence between Alys and me thickened. The sound of her phone ringing pierced through it, painful to my ears.
She answered it, and I watched her face drain of all color. I heard the distinct viciousness that only Pygmy’s voice could contain but not the words.
“Okay,” whispered Alys. “I’ll be right there.”
As she hung up the phone, I asked her, “Is it Ke
Alys shook her head. Even if Ke
“Alys—”
“I have to go,” she said, cutting me off.
“Just tell me if you see her. Tell her I love her and that I’m sorry—”
“You’ll be able to tell her yourself, Phil. If not today, then soon enough. She’s not able to stay away from you, any more than you’re able to stay away from her. If you need me for anything, just call.”
“All right.”
She left without a backward glance.
My heart felt like lead. Without the life force of Ke
Jason showed up with a bottle of Blue Label. I was go
“She’ll be back, you know,” Jason said.
“I pushed her away,” I stated. “After everythin’, I pushed her away, man.”
“You just gotta pull her back in then.”
Ke
It was true. I hadn’t held Ke
Shit, when am I go
I’d made the same mistake when Ke
Another drink.
I could drown this for now.
My guilt, my pain, my loss…selfish, selfish, selfish.
“I’ve never deserved her,” I said.
“None of us deserve our women,” said Jason.
“I’ve never earned her trust, her love. She just gave it to me. I demanded it, and she blindin’ly handed it over. She gave me somethin’ more precious, more pure than I ever, ever deserved…”
“Yeah, but you handed her your trust and love, too.”
“Did you know that she actually waited for my ass? For nearly six years,” I confessed. “While I went around fuckin’ anythin’ and everythin’ that dangled itself in front of me, Ke
Pain squeezed around my heart, and Her Tattoo itched and prickled.
Oh God, Ke
“Seriously?” asked Jason, refilling my glass.
Nodding, I replied, “Yeah, man. It wasn’t until she was finished with school and gave up all hope that I even remembered her that she finally got laid. That Brian guy—”
“The dreamy paramedic?”
My face twisted into a scowl. “Yeah.”
“She dumped him for your ugly ass?”
“Yep.”
“Huh. Well, it must be love because he’s prettier than most chicks.”
“I know.”
“I bet X would’ve banged his ass.”
“Yeah, probably.”
What would Ke
Another drink.
And another.
And another.
Gavin came in and woke me up, but I was too far gone for that sort of shit. I saw the pity in his eyes, and I rolled over and dismissed his ass.
What does he know about what I’m going through?
I had lost X, but worse, I had driven away my Baby Girl, and I couldn’t for the life of me figure out how to find her again. My chest itched, feeling hot and shattered.
Jason was back. He was fuckin’ wasted, working on getting more wasted, and I was right there with him. Sheri came in and yelled at us, screaming about what a waste of space we were, that we should be ashamed, that X wouldn’t want us to drink ourselves into the afterlife, chasing his ass.
“Have you seen Ke
Sheri burst into tears and stormed off.
Out of whiskey for the moment, I took my numb ass to the fridge for some beer. For the first time, I was glad for the walker. Even without a broken pelvis and leg, I probably wouldn’t have made it. Grabbing a frosty one, I shut the door and looked right into X’s face.
“What are you doin’, man?” he asked me.
“The fuck are you doin’ here?” I wasn’t really surprised, which was weird.
“You’re fuckin’ everythin’ up. I didn’t leave all this behind for you to throw it away.”
“It’s because of you leavin’ that we’re in this fuckin’ mess!” I shouted.
“Phil?”
I looked over at Jason, who was staring at me through glassy bloodshot eyes. “Yeah?”
“Who are you talkin’ to?”
“X.”
I looked back at X, who looked so fuckin’ sad that I wanted to cry.
I was crying.
“When was the last time you heard the music in you?” X asked me.
Trying real hard, the answer I came up with was, “I can’t remember.”
“If you don’t stop this, Phil, you ain’t ever go
“No.”
“Your mama drank to stop the music because she didn’t know what it meant.”
Shocked, I blinked, and X was gone. Dumbfounded, I stared at the bottle in my hands.
Ke
Someone smoothed fingertips over my brow, softly weeping. “What’s the point of all this? What did she ever do to deserve this?”