Both of Her

A

“He’s gone,” A

Colin swears over and over as he starts to get up. Before he turns to leave me, he swipes the knife straight across my stomach so deep I immediately start to scream in pain. Before I know what he is going to do to next, he and A

TWENTy - TWO

I know a long time has passed since Colin and A

My stomach is aching both inside and out. I scream. I whimper. I groan. My hands can’t find their way to my stomach because they are so tightly attached to the cement wall. I can’t even move to cover up my exposed bottom half. I try to curl up, but when I move the wound that is fighting to clot reopens. The bleeding begins again.

I want my mom. I want Camden. I am going to bleed to death and no one will be here when I take my last breath. Never in my life have I been so scared of being alone. I call out for Colin, hoping at least he will come down here and stay with me as I die. Then, I think if he comes back down here, he will do other things to me before I take my last breath. I can’t decide which is worse at this point. My mouth is so dry. I close my eyes, thinking of all the things in my life I have taken for granted. The beaches of Lake Michigan. Not visiting my parents as often as I should. The way I’ve lived my life. Using men for my own personal selfishness. I’m a fraud. A disguise, even in my own body. I don’t even know my own true self.

After what feels like hours, I hear a door upstairs slam shut and I jump. The female crying has to be A

The words “hand cuffs” and “gone” shrill through A

“Don’t worry, A

A

“Oh Jesus. What did you do?” A

She looks dirty, like she was out in mud, rolling around in the grass, but what I notice the most is that she looks warm. The flush in her face says that she is sweating. I’d do anything to feel warm.

“It’s just a surface cut. No big deal. She won’t bleed to death, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Colin covers his chin with his hand in an introspective gesture. A

“I suppose those cuts will need to be cleaned before I cut her anymore. Go grab the alcohol and gauze I put out in the dining room. I need to get her cleaned up,” Colin says. He still looks like he is thinking about what he is going to do next.

“Alcohol? Are you crazy, Colin? She will scream bloody murder. We ca

“God damn it, A

A

My thoughts become my words.

“Please don’t cut me again. Please don’t cut me again. Please, I’ll do anything. Please,” I plead. I have never felt this vulnerable ever. I am so terrified.

“Colin, these cuts are really deep. She needs stitches,” A

In that moment, I know exactly what I have to do. I have to give Colin everything he wants if I want to live another day. I reach down deep for Lucia, the woman that sometimes had to pretend she loved the dresses she is given, or would scream in happy delight over a gaudy piece of jewelry I pla

With all my resolve and all my Lucia power in mind, I feel the transition as if I am really sitting in first class and getting into role. It is so seamless. I don’t feel the cold. I don’t smell the mold, the piss, or anything but flowers, gowns, and jewelry.

“Colin, honey, please. I don’t want to get hurt again. I need to be warm and healthy for you. For our many nights together,” I say smooth and demurely.

The air in the room transitions the moment I purr out those words and like a subtle earthquake. I immediately see the moment Colin knows exactly what he plans to do next.

“Honey, I need a bath,” I whine. “Please, baby, I need the good bubbles and a loofa. Get me a warm bath going, would you? You’ll need to scrub my back and tend to my cuts. Did you already plan our di

The words are flowing out of me like a glacier melting in the sunlight. It’s pure and wild. I feel every word and it’s so easy, because when I’m Lucia, everything goes. There are no rules and like it or not, I am prepared to fuck the shit out of Colin if it’s the only thing I have to do to live another day.

“Wh-what the hell is she talking about?” A

Colin’s grin is smug. He knows I am ready to play and I am ready to play with him. He rubs his hands together and shoots A

“Get upstairs and cook our di