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With a sigh, she sat up on the edge of the mattress then pushed back the tangle of flattened curls clinging to her face. She didn’t need a mirror to know she looked like roadkill. Which was really only fitting as she felt like roadkill. Actually, she felt like the potholed, weather-scarred, oil-stained street underneath the squashed, rotting roadkill.
Setting her elbows on her knees, she rested her dully aching head in her hands and closed her eyes. And found herself fighting to hold back the tears that had threatened to spill over ever since Brad had walked out of Blooming Pails and her life yesterday morning. For there was no doubt he was gone from her life for good. The look on his face when she’d told him she didn’t expect him to wait around for her was branded on her brain. That combination of anger and hurt made it clear he had no intention of waiting around. Or of bothering with her again.
Toni tried to summon a
So, if she’d made the right decision, why did she feel so…wrong? So…numb?
So devastated.
Exhaustion, obviously. Yesterday, after fulfilling Saint Mary’s order-with an entire four minutes to spare before the church van arrived-she’d endured a hectic day at the shop. Yet in spite of the busy whirlwind, Brad had never left her thoughts. So that’s it. You don’t want us to see each other anymore. She’d never forget the shattering sense of loss that had hit her when he’d walked away. There could be no doubt he’d cared for her. And had wanted to continue their…whatever it was. Friendship. Relationship. Sexual escapades.
She squeezed her eyes tighter shut. She’d gone to their first “little di
She hadn’t been able to. Had admitted she liked him-
A bitter sound that was half laugh, half sob escaped her. Liked him? God, she should be handed an Academy Award for delivering that line with a straight face. Like was an incredibly tepid word to describe the maelstrom of feelings Brad inspired in her. Feelings that she wanted, needed to forget. Feelings she despaired of being able to forget. If only she’d met him six months, a year from now. Once Blooming Pails was established and her stomach wasn’t tied in knots over bank evaluations. Of course, she didn’t doubt for an instant that in six months he’d have someone else. Some other extremely lucky woman. A woman Toni already hated. The thought of him touching someone else filled her with a despair she could only describe as agonizing. And the thought of another man touching her simply didn’t compute.
The sound of dishes clanging and raised female voices intermixed with Italian words reached her ears and she groaned. How she was going to face another big family di
Yup, just another jolly holiday with the fam.
Normally she could handle it, but right now she just didn’t feel capable of doing anything save pulling the covers over her head and praying for this aching sense of loss clawing at her to go away. For the question that kept reverberating through her mind to cease its echoing. The question she was sickly afraid to ask herself.
Had she made a mistake?
Yes, her i
“Argh!” Hoping to dislodge that stupid voice, she fisted her hands in her rat’s-nest hair and yanked. All she got was more dull throbbing in her head.
Not ready to go downstairs and face whatever drama was occurring there, she decided a shower was her best bet. She rose and was digging through her overnight bag for her shower gel when her cell phone rang, the ring tone indicating the caller was Jayne.
She briefly considered not answering it-Jayne had already given her hell yesterday for cutting Brad loose and she simply wasn’t up to another episode of Are You Crazy?
But ignoring the call on Christmas was too bah, humbug, so she picked up the phone from the night table.
“Merry Christmas,” she said, plopping back onto the edge of the bed. “Was Santa good to you?”
“Toni…have you seen the news?”
Something in Jayne’s voice made her tighten her grip on the phone. “No. I just woke up. What’s wrong?”
“I just saw it on TV. A fire. Late last night at a warehouse in Ocean Harbor Beach. Two firefighters were injured and taken by ambulance to the hospital.”
Toni’s heart lurched into her throat. “Brad?” she whispered, her entire body icy with sudden fear. Dear God, no. But she knew perfectly well how dangerous firefighting was. And how that danger could be increased if the mind and body weren’t totally focused on the task at hand. Brad had looked tired and had been upset about what had happened between them…had he lost his focus because of that? Had his mind wandered, leaving him vulnerable to mistakes? One that could have led to injury?
“I don’t know-their names haven’t been released. I thought you’d want to know. Maybe call him.”
“Y-yes, of course. I’ll do that.”
“Call me and let me know if you find out anything.”
“I will. You, too.”
She snapped the phone shut and pressed her hands against her churning stomach. Dear God. He had to be all right. Had to be. Every time a firefighter was called to duty they risked injury and even death. But the rewards…helping people, saving lives, tipped the scales. Made the risks worthwhile. She understood all too well what drove Brad to be a firefighter. But the thought of him injured-or worse-rendered her unable to catch her breath.
She glanced at the clock-10:00 a.m. Brad’s shift had ended three hours ago. Murmuring fervent prayers that he was all right, she dialed his home phone which clicked immediately to voice mail. She listened to his recorded message and the sound of his voice brought tears to her eyes. Dear God, what if he was one of the injured firefighters? She couldn’t bring herself to carry that question any further. After leaving a brief message to please call her right away, she dialed his cell phone. Once again his voice mail came on and again she left a message.
The instant she clicked her phone shut, Toni began tossing her things into her overnight bag. She needed answers. Now. And they weren’t here in Santa Barbara.