The Manchurian Candidate

“The doctor was a fool, of course,” his mother said. “I went to the Leahy Clinic and to the Mayos for two separate checkups. I am as sound as a Swiss franc.”

Raymond’s resentment of her made him feel as though steel burrs were forming everywhere under his skin. I am going to lose this, he thought, just as I lose them all with her. I am being blindfolded as I sit here and she will win if I ca

“I am glad to hear it,” he said. “But I distinctly remember you telling me you had not, actually, been entirely well. Just a few seconds ago. In fact, that was exactly the way you phrased it.”

She smiled at him with forbearance, showing rows of perfect white teeth. “I said—oh, Raymond! For heaven’s sake, what does it matter what I said?”

“I’d like a drink.”

“At lunch?”

“Yes.”

“You generally sulk if people drink at lunch.”

She tilted her head back and made a repulsive kissing sound with her pursed lips. A waiter sprinted toward her so rapidly that Raymond thought the man had decided to kill her, but that was not the case. He came to a point beside her and stared at her abjectly as though pleading for the knout. Raymond’s mother had that effect upon many people.

“Speak up, Raymond.”

“I would like to have some beer. Served in the can.”

“Served in the can, sir?” the waiter asked softly. Raymond’s mother snarled and the man shrilled “Yes, sir!” and was off.

“And who is the more vulgar now?” she asked in a kindly tone. “How about a can of beans, opened with a hatchet, with the can of beer?”

“Mother, for crissake, will you please tell me how come we are having lunch today?”

“Oh. Well, this fool of a doctor whom I shall expose as an alarmist, I assure you, told me that I should go to Europe for a change and whether it was from the wrong reason or not, it did plant the idea. So, since I can’t go alone and since it would present too many security difficulties for Joh

“I would love to go to Europe with you this summer, Mother.”

“Good. We will sail from West Forty-sixth Street on June 15, at noon, on the United States. My office will mail you the itinerary and hotels and indicate the shape of appointments and meetings, business and social. Would you like to see the Pope?”

“No.”

“I’ll do that alone then.”

“What else?”

“Isn’t this carpetbag steak absolutely delicious? Eating it is an absolute sexual experience! What a marvelous conception—steak and oysters, I mean. Joh

“It figures.”

“Is there anything I can get done for you in Washington, dear heart?”

“No. Thank you. Yes. Yes, there is something. I have a friend—”

“A friend? You have a friend?” She stopped chewing for a moment and put her fork down.

“Sarcasm is the cheapest kind of a crutch to humor, Mother.”

“Please forgive me, Raymond. I was not attempting sarcasm. You must believe that. I was startled. I had never heard you mention a friend in your entire life before. I am very, very happy that you do have a friend and you may be sure, darling, that if I may help your friend I most certainly will be overjoyed to do so. Who is he?”

“He’s a major in Army Intelligence in Washington.” Raymond’s mother had whipped out an efficient-looking looseleaf notebook.

“His name?”

He told her.

“Academy?” He said yes.

“Would full colonel be what you had in mind?”

“That would be fine, I guess. I hope there is some way it can be done without PI being stamped all over his perso

“What is PI?”

“Political influence.”

“Of course they’ll stamp PI all over his perso

“What’s wrong with my column?”

She held up her hand. “Not now. We will reorganize your column aboard ship in June. Right now let’s make your friend a chicken colonel.” She looked at her notes. “Now, is there anything—well, anything negative I should know about this one?”

“No. He’s a great officer. His father and grandfather and great-grandfather were great officers.”

“You know him from Korea?”

“Yes. He—he led the patrol.” Raymond hesitated because mentioning the patrol made him think of that filthy medal again and of how much his mother had made that medal mean to Joh

“What’s the matter?” she asked.

“Well, there is one thing which the Army might figure as negative. In the past. I think it’s all right now.”

“He’s a fairy?”

“Hah!”

“This little negative thing. You say you think it’s all right now?”