Tiger Prince

"I have no idea. I don't even know why Abdar didn't follow Margaret and Kartauk immediately. Kartauk told me once he wasn't sane. We'll have to take advantage of his lunacy in any way we can."

"Li Sung and I have been constructing brush barriers all along the shore. We're out of range of their rifles from across the river, but we'll need protection so they can't pick us off once they start across."

"Good idea." His voice was abstracted as he started across the clearing toward Li Sung. He walked stiffly, carefully, as if he were made of glass and was afraid he would shatter and fly apart.

She wanted to be with him, to comfort him, to ease the aching rawness of the pain she sensed. She started to follow him and then stopped. She could feel the tears brimming and knew she would be no help to him now. They would both be better off keeping busy at their own tasks. She turned back and walked toward the barriers.

"I don't like it," Li Sung said. "It is too dangerous."

"It's the only way." Ruel looked him in the eye. "You're worried about losing what you've found here. Well, it could all be gone in a month if Abdar takes Ci

"I know this," Li Sung said. "But I do not like . . ." He shook his head. "And it is not only my own loss I worry about. There is Jane and you."

"Me?" Ruel smiled in mirth. "I'm touched by your concern."

"I am concerned." Li Sung smiled gently. "Jane has great dreams that could be toppled. And you are in pain."

Ruel flinched. "I assure you the pain will go away when I've killed Abdar."

"Will it?"

"Try me and see. Help me."

"I will think on it." Li Sung wrinkled his nose. "It is true my natural aversion might be influencing my judgment in this instance."

"My judgment isn't impaired. This will work if we do it right." Ruel turned away. "And we'll do it right."

"Dilam's crossing the river." Jane had come to stand beside them. "I counted about seventy warriors with her."

"Then you'll have to make a decision soon," Ruel told Li Sung. "Abdar's not going to give us much more time."

"When Dilam comes we will discuss it." Li Sung held up his hand as Ruel opened his lips to protest. "I will need her help if I decide your plan is wise."

Darkness fell and Medford still had not come. When he failed to arrive by midnight, guards were posted and they went to their blankets to rest.

To rest but not to sleep, Jane thought wearily. She felt too worried and afraid to let go of awareness. She turned on her side to look at Ruel across the campfire. He was not sleeping either. He lay on his back, every muscle rigid, staring into the darkness, and she was again reminded of brittle crystal, ready to explode ... or be shattered. He had barely spoken a word to any of them all evening, withdrawing into himself, withdrawing into his anger and sorrow. She should let him have his solitude. If he had wanted her help, he would have asked for it.

What was she thinking? Ruel had difficulty admitting he needed anything or anyone.

She threw aside the blanket, jumped to her feet, and moved around the fire.

She knelt beside Ruel and lifted his blanket. "Move over."

He didn't look at her. "No."

She lay down beside him.

"Go away. I don't want you here."

"Too bad. I'm staying." She drew the blanket around her. She lay there, not touching him, sensing his stiffness and resistance.

"I knew you'd come," he said harshly. "It was bound to happen. You have to have something to mother. Well, I'm not a young boy with a crushed leg or a damn baby elephant. I don't need you. I don't need anyone."

"I didn't say you did." She slid her arms around his taut, strained body. "I'm the one who needs you. I'm frightened of tomorrow, and I feel as if I have this wound inside that won't stop bleeding."

He was silent a moment. "You do?"

She nodded. "It would help if you would hold me. I don't think I'd feel so alone."

He didn't respond for a moment, and then his arms slowly slid around her. "You're not alone."

"Neither are you," she whispered. "If you want me, I'll always be here."

He stiffened even more. "Pity?"

"Love."

"I find it strange you find it necessary to make this declaration now."

"You once said you knew I loved you."

"I also know you have a nature soft as mush."

"Very well, there's pity too."

He swore beneath his breath.

"There's nothing wrong with pity, Ruel."

"The hell there isn't."

"Blast it, I won't say I'm sorry for giving you pity. When I was ill, didn't you pity me? When Zabrie hurt Li Sung, didn't you want to help him?" Her arms tightened around him. "Now shut up and go to sleep."

"I'm not tired."

"Then talk to me." She paused. "Talk to me about Ian."

She could feel the ripple of shock that went through him. "There's nothing to say. He's dead."

"Then we're just going to forget him?"

"Of course I'm not going to forget him." He spoke through his teeth. "I'm going to kill Abdar."

"And me? Are you going to kill me too? It would never have happened if Ian hadn't been crippled. He would have been able to escape."

"Be quiet," he said hoarsely. "It wasn't your fault."

"A month ago you would have blamed me."

"I don't want to talk about this."

"And I won't be silent about it. Say it. It's my fault."

"It's not your fault." He suddenly exploded. "It's mine."

She looked at him, startled. "What?"

"It's always been my fault. I blamed you, but I guess I always knew I was the one responsible. Ian would never have been in Kasanpore if it hadn't been for me."

"But he followed you from Scotland. You didn't even want him there."

It was as if he hadn't heard her. "And I should have been more careful getting him out of the wreck."

"You saved his life."

"I crippled him," Ruel said fiercely. "I ruined his life and then I brought him here to die."

She had never dreamed he could harbor this agony of guilt. Yet she should have known. Ruel never did anything in half measures. His emotions and reactions were always stronger, deeper, and more intense than anyone else's. And she was partially responsible for his guilt, she suddenly realized. He loved her and wanted to exonerate her, to shoulder her guilt himself. She had to do something. That was an easy decision, but what was she to do? Arguing would only make him more stubborn.

"All right, it is your fault." She went on, feeling her way. "But it's my fault too, and you forgave me. You have to forgive yourself."

He shook his head.

"Listen to me. Ian loved you. He wanted you to be happy."

He didn't answer.

"He died to help you and Margaret and Kartauk have the good life he wanted for you all. Are you going to let him die for nothing?"

She thought she felt a slight easing in those painfully knotted muscles, but she couldn't be sure.

"How can you be so stubborn? He wanted—" She stopped as she felt something warm and damp on her temple. "Ruel?"