Recoil

“Where is she?”

“Upstairs above you. Room Twenty-two. The door’s unlocked. You’ll find her inside, tied to a chair.”

He hung up and left the booth.

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

Southern California: 17 November

1

THEY GATHERED AROUND THE LONG TABLE AT SEVEN: VASQUEZ remarked that there was an irresistible human proclivity to solemnize transitional events with rites of food and drink. He expounded on the biological reasons for such traditions. His thesis followed its nose inevitably into movieography. Roger sighed when Vasquez resolutely began to catalog film scenes that supported his point.

Mrs. Meuth tramped noisily in and out. Billy Gilfillan and Ro

Amy kept glancing slyly toward Roger beside her; his face was a study in attempted gravity but now and then a corner of his mouth would twitch—she was teasing him under the table with ribald glee while she kept her i

It wasn’t pomposity. Vasquez was setting them at ease. It was an evening for which they had prepared through the hard uncertain months; now it had come and Vasquez, sensitive to their awkwardness, was guiding them through it with gentle distraction. Mathieson found it a remarkable performance.

Jan sat beside him pecking at her food. When he caught her eye she would smile tentatively. She’d had very little to say in the hours since they’d met at the airport. He had not known what to expect and therefore he had been prepared for anything. She had put warmth into the first greeting; the rest of the day had passed gingerly as if they were agreed un-spokenly to suspend everything and rediscover each other like acquaintances meeting for the first time after a long separation.

He had shaved off the moustache and tried to wash the dye from his hair; it was the best he could do until it grew out but he wanted as much as possible to resume his identity—Fred Mathieson’s identity: Edward Merle had achieved the justification that had completed his being; now it was up to Fred Mathieson to complete his own.

But the estrangement was still with them. A day’s celebratory truce meant nothing. In Jan’s hesitant smiles he saw possibility but not conclusion. It depends, he thought, it depends. Listening to the drone of Vasquez’s voice he reached for the wine, caught Homer’s eye and contrived a smile.

After di

Vasquez touched his arm. It startled him: Vasquez ordinarily avoided physical contact.

“May I have him for a minute?”

Jan smiled. “Of course.”

“A word, if you don’t mind.” And Vasquez went toward the French doors.

Outside the house he followed Vasquez across the driveway. Vasquez kept walking until he reached the paddock fence. He hooked his elbows on it and craned his head back to peer at the sky. It was cool but not cold; a few clouds scudded across the stars and there was a three-quarter moon on the rise, its shadow-pittings startlingly visible. “Quite a beautiful evening. That’s fitting, I think.”

“Yes.” Mathieson was mystified.

“Something I’ve been meaning to ask you.”

“Go ahead. Ask.”

“I fail to understand why you chose not to inform any of us that the doses you were administering to Mrs. Pastor were not the real drug.”

“If I could convince you three then I could convince Pastor. It had to be absolutely believable. There couldn’t be any doubt in his mind that I was capable of it.”

“But you weren’t capable of it. He knows that now.”

“No. I’d have done it if I’d had to. I didn’t have to. Pastor understands that.”

Vasquez said, “Then that explains it.”

“Explains what?”

“The thing that’s troubling you. You’d have done it if you’d had to—that’s what you just told me. You’ve discovered what you’re capable of. It alarms you.”

“Maybe.”

“Mr. Mathieson. Fred, if I may. You were a good man when you began this. You’ve made yourself into something of a si

“Is this the Confessional?”

“At this moment from the look of you and from the sound of your voice I should say you’re not merely a preternaturally weary man; you’re a man experiencing a profound emptiness—a sense of guilt and anticlimax. You feel you may have destroyed yourself along with your enemy—you may have brought yourself down nearly to his level in your search for retribution and freedom from the enslavement of fear.”

Mathieson rested his forearm along the top of the fence. “You enjoy exposition too much,” he murmured. “Have you ever had an unexpressed thought?”

“You need reassurance. You feel everything is a shambles. You’ve won what ought to be a victory and yet you’re uncertain. You’re concerned about your marriage. All the things you’ve put out of your mind during the past months. Your future weighs on you. You can’t picture yourself going back to an office and dickering over meaningless details in dispassionate contracts. You can’t picture yourself living a quiet life of contentment in a suburban house with two cars and swimming pool and boredom heavy on your hands.”

“This mind-reading act—what are you using? Palmistry or a crystal ball?”

“Neither. Let’s try cards. Let’s put them face up on the table. I believe you’re missing a vital discovery.”

“Am I.”

“You feel you’ve a burnt-out life—that anything henceforth must be anticlimax.”

“Go on.”

“You’ve given up your soul for freedom, in a sense. To regain your soul—your raison d’être—it’s my feeling you have no choice but to put your freedom back on the line.”

“What?”

“Nothing less will satisfy your need to justify your continued existence.”

Mathieson watched him with passionate desperation. “Tell me …”

“You’ve tasted the hunt,” Vasquez said. “Haven’t you?”

He stood up straighter. “I’m begi

“You’ve savored the chase.” Vasquez’s voice dropped with a resolute intensity. “You’ll be satisfied with nothing else, ever again. You’ve trapped yourself—an exquisite trap. You may hate it. But you’ve demonstrated the most incredible talent for the chase that it’s ever been my experience to observe. You’re a master. You’re the best hunter I’ve ever met. And you do not kill. You’re unique.”

Mathieson inhaled until his chest was filled. He threw his head back and emptied it out. The oxygen made him giddy. He watched a cloud put a brief haze around the moon. “What’s your offer, Diego?”

“There are other Frank Pastors. For you and for me.”

“Yes.”

“Full partnership,” Vasquez said.

He was looking up toward the house. He saw the French doors open, saw Jan’s inquiring silhouette.

Vasquez said, “Salvation for both of us—that’s what it could be.”